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Lost my husband,had a baby i its hard to cope

Last yr october we discover about my husband illness that he has to undergo open heart surgery that he almost lost his life after but then  after 1 month he was discharged and get to spend his 2 weeks time with me and his 2 yr old son. Then he had cardiac arrest at home infront of my eyes i was bady shaking then 1 mnths after he died and i was so depressed that i almost forgot that i was pregnant with our 2nd baby and i was only 23 that time. Since then i gt scared with ambulance siren, hospital and everything that reminds me of that night and rhe day i saw him no breathing at the hospital.  Evrytime i get too see those things my hand shakes i feel terrible then i had a baby a new born baby who i love the most but then i dont feel like excited   Dont get me wrong i love both of them bit then i feel empty, then i feel like if i heard someone who is sickni imagine them dying i imagine them in a coffin i know i sound hilarious and bad  i cant help it, i dont tell other people because i fee like they would think im crazy.. i miss my hisband so much his only 26 when he died.  Now i just turn 24 with kids and i dont know if why im still like this its nearly a yr since then  and my heads spinning likw im crazy  girl..
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