Will I ever forget that night?

[Baby1ForAsh]

I never had a positive pregnancy test. The Monday before my miscarriage I started crying and in my head I was thinking Im pregnant. It was like a fact  that I was pregnant, no doubt at all. The following Thursday at around midnight I started bleeding very badly and went to the emergency room.  
  The doctor was very rude and asking a bunch of pointless questions that I thought could wait until they check out why I was bleeding so badly. I remember sitting on the bed and I stood up for a second. The baby literally fell out into my hands. I dropped it bc I was in shock. When I picked it up again my grandma had to beg me to sit it on the table. I didn't want to let go. It was just an innocent baby that had died and I was the mom. I flashback every night since and see the baby in my hands. It's been 10 months since it happens and my baby would've been 3 months old this month.

I'm sorry this is so long. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about and I'm very emotional so it probably doesn't make since. But will I ever forget the image of my baby in my hands? Does it get better?

[Melissa_1982]

I am so sorry for your loss. Your post doesn't say how far along you were.
I recently (February 15th,2012) suffered my 6th miscarriage. I have 3 living children & also had stillborn twins who were born (induced) at 24 weeks after their heats had stopped.  The most recent miscarriage was at about 8 weeks and was a tubal pregnancy which I had surgery for on February 15th but by the time they did the surgery the baby had passed from the tube into my uterus. I was already home from the hospital for 6 hours or so when the baby passed. I would love to tell you that it gets easier to deal with, but I honestly believe that one day can be fairly easy because we are busy & the next can be absolute torment because we have nothing to distract us. Counselling can help, as can talking to others who have been through it. Some people (like myself) still have issues with coping & eventually turn to doctors for help dealing with the depression that follows for some.  Every person copes differently & the grief process is different from person to person.  If you ever want to talk I'd be happy to.

[Baby1ForAsh]

Thank you everyone! I've been looking into seeing a counselor. My town is pretty small so we don't have many support groups for anything but I really think talking one-on-one will help greatly. Thanks again and I'm sorry for your guys loss' also.

[Kayannaboo]

Hi there! I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss. First off, no post is "too long" we are here for you so feel free to vent away.

I could certainly understand why this is so hard for you, it must have been a really traumatic experience. There is no specified "grief period", take your time and heal your heart, you have every right to do so. Have you seen a therapist? I would suggest you do so.

Please take care and also there is a "Miscarriage" forum on this website. Its a little comforting to hear that you are not alone and to hear and share stories from persons going through a similar situation.

[hotmama78]

So sorry for your loss dear... i believe there is no words can make you feel better and i don't think you can ever forget it.. but life moves on and that's all  you can do... I loss my lovely baby Aidan at 21weeks and go thru still birth... he is my 5th pregnancy but my 1st baby.. i m/c twice and go thru D&C.. and also twice natural m/c that so painful... Aidan baby it the longest pregnancy i even been thru.. when i loss him i feel the world crash down on me real hard and its just happen 2 week ago... :((

I moving on since i decided to cut and burnt my tube... and open for adoption... so keep trying again whenever you feel ready.. or if you feel to take a break for a while.. keep telling yourself.. everything happen for reason.. and yeahh some of it we might forever never know... but well.. try to be positive all the time... i not sure if that can help but its works on me.. best of luck dear... huggsss... xx

[ku111]

Very traumatic event for you.  I am so sorry this happened to you.  The good thing is that in a bad and sad situation you were with your baby when he passed.  Your baby was loved by you.  I think it is something that takes time but I don't think you ever forget them or what happened.  One day, one month, one year at a time.  I don't think anyone knows how they would react in a situation such as yours.  I do think that a grief and loss group may be of great help to you and you will help many others also.  Call your local hospital and find out who to contact.  The groups are made up of woman who have suffered losses also.  I wish you the very best.  ((hugs))