Grief and Loss Community
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4804873 tn?1360166137

Two losses

I lost my father to bone cancer that spread throughout his body and into his brain on April 11.  I grieved for months before he died, heavily, and since.  I felt like I just got the tiniest bit better/ accepting, I have a 3 year old daughter I love to pieces.  I knew I needed to get it together for her.
Yesterday I got a phone call from my mom that my Grampa, who was healthy as can be, was acting strangely so they rushed him to the ER where he had a major seizure.  They found a malignant tumor in his head deep within his brain and do not recommend treatment due to his age.  And my Grandmother agrees she does not want to put him through it.  All their grown children, ( my mother's siblings) are fighting now, disagreeing about what to be done, breaking down.  It's ripping everyone apart.  My mom helped me through the loss of my dad, even cared for him, although they were no longer together.  I told her now I would be there for her.  Problem is I'm completely sick over this now.  I almost feel like I could be admitted to the hospital.  I know that's not normal.  If I sleep, I wake up and I'm so panic riidden I'm about to vomit.  My husband is out of town for work.  I feel like I can't lay any more of this on my friends because they say they are sorry, but non - ending grief from me pushes people away.  My mom is who I feel I need, but I cannot do that to her.  She was very worried about me after my dad died.  I can't make this about me, I need to be there for her.  Drs said my dear Grampa has 20 days to 2 months of life left.  I'm sick as I write this.  I know I'm lucky he has had a full life and all that.  Why can't that make me feel better? Knowing I have to be here for my child is the only thing keeping me going.  I'm literally in survival mode.  
I know there is nothing really anyone can say.  Thank you for letting me vent.
8 Responses
4437866 tn?1388123224
This is a tough situation for anyone. And I'm sorry you are going thru this. Unfortunately it is a part of life that we all must face sooner or later. ( doesn't help I know ) but finding comfort in whatever faith you believe does help. Other distractions like a walk or a sunset or moon rise and even a play datewith you little one will help a lot. I went thru this with my mother and as hard as it was if it wasn't for their simple.distractions of everyday life I would have gone insane. I know it sound heartless to say this but you have to be able to take care.of.yourself before you can take care of others. ( if that came out a little harsh I do apologies. I can be bad with words sometime but mean no harm ) talking to someone helps a lot too. For me,  it was easier talking to someone I didn't know because I was able to completely open up and not hold anything back and get am honest open response. Again I'm sorry for what your going thru. My prayers are with you and your family.
4804873 tn?1360166137
No apologies needed, you didn't come off harshly one bit.  :) I'm glad you replied, as you see, nobody else has, but then again that's ok since there isn't any advice to really give I guess...except what you said basically.  It's a part of life.  Death is a part of life.  I've searched high and low for an answer, have about 6 different books sitting on my bedside that I've not finished...looking for an answer when in fact ,there isn't one.  I've never had a close personal loss in my life before this, sand now I'm waiting for the other show to drop with my Grampa.  But I have pushed it out of my mind a bit, because I cannot be stuck in a constant state of anxiety/grief.  I have a daughter, I'm still alive.  I don't understand the reasons behind why things happen when they do, I'm only human.  So I try to hold on to that reasoning.  If I don't I 'm just a constant mess, and that's not good for anyone.

I'm so sorry you lost your mother.  That must be very very hard.  Prayers be with you also.
1530171 tn?1448133193
Hi Overwhelmed10.

Dealing with loss is probably the most difficult thing in our lives,
for the majority of people.
I have gone through this process of life, with the passing of my mom and my younger brother last year.
Being Spiritual has helped me tremendously, as there are NO other answers, outside the Spirit World.

If we were to consider ourselves to be just flesh and bones then, we may look for answers regarding death in vain, however, when we embrace the immortal part of us, the Soul  and  the Spirit, we may see the door of Eternity- in our Minds and our Hearts- which opens upon the end of the present Life, and allow the Soul and Spirit to enter Eternal Life.

Please do not disregard my message, as the Ego may easily whisper to you words of opposition, in defense of it's own existence.

Look for meaningful  concepts that help you connect with some
of your Dads higher attributes. Was he kind, giving, strong, loving?
What gifts did he leave behind to his children and grandchildren?
What lessons can you take from his life here?
Is there any unfinished business? Is there something you may have to do,
or something you may have to continue or take over?
The same goes for Grandpa.

It is your turn now. You must help  your daughter now find her own Path,
by gradually passing on to her the virtues and lessons you took form your Dad and your Grandpa.
Trust in yourself and in the wisdom that created you, to guide her,
from a place of inner strength, stemming from your Dad's and your Grandpa's Love over the years.

We can choose to learn and grow from such events, and as hard as it may seem at times, with some support, some prayer and some quiet contemplation, this may help us process things a little better.

God Bless!

4804873 tn?1360166137
You just made me tear up.  I have come quite a ways since I lat posted that.  I FEEL m father's presence, him giving me strength.  I've had many experiences that he has shown me his spirit is here with me.  Many.  I find peace in that, and I hope I feel the same from my Grandpa after he passes.  I feel so much love from my Dad even though he is not here...is that normal? He loved horses....and not a day after he passed, my daughter started really getting into ponies and and horses and now our house is filled with her toy ponies.  I feel like that was passed from him to her...am I crazy?
1530171 tn?1448133193
No, you are perfectly sane.

I grew up with the presence of Spirits around myself and my Mom.
One thing that I didn't know at the time was that up to the age of 5-6
children have extremely limited mental screening, BELIEVING most things, people say to them as true!
This can be  a Blessing (if indeed true) and  a Foe (if it is a lie)!

Well my Mom -God Bless her Soul- was very Spiritual and transferred this to me from a young age. I could sense and feel Angels and spirits of people who had passed on. And it never stopped!
I always knew that Gabriel (the Archangel) was my Guide and Protector! And Mother Mary, who has has help me survive horrific events, where I should have lost my life, and yet...I'm still around and very well!
My Grandma also from my Dad's side has always been my Guide and Helper. I just know that these Higher Entities are around us!

I must admit, I'm not very religious and I'm not much of a church-goer,
but my connection to the Spirit world is profound!
It's a fascinating world, beyond anything our minds can conceive.

You Dad passing this to your daughter- his Love for horses- is quite amazing! And the feelings you have form his presence are as real as they can get!
You see Love is the strongest Energy, and the most difficult for our human minds to get.
It will transend all barriers of space, matter and time, for when we are open
to Spirituality we "allow" Love to do its true magic.

Anything you want to manifest in Life is possible when you allow Love to energize your Quest! Your Dad's, your Guiding Angel's, it's all there for you to connect with and feel its warmth.

Your story reminded me again of this poem from Michael Lee, "Pass On", now on Youtube and recited by this young and very gifted poet himself.  www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ7-rgfu-2s
I must forwarn you, be prepared to shed some more tears!


4804873 tn?1360166137
Omg your post amazing...I'm not a church goer myself, although I do believe in feeling spirits and presences of loved ones passed.  I have not even told anyone this, but my 3 year old daughter has brought up "Grampa" and she will say to me "mommy, do you miss your daddy?" When I have not said anything of the sort within her ear shot....it kind of creeped me out at first, because she is only 3, and she will tell me "grandpa is ok."  I just feel like there's is something mor happening for her to vocally distinguish that she is referring to my father, and not my grandfather, who is also dying of cancer right now.  I feel like my father is messaging me through her somehow...or maybe I just want that so much I'm seeing things that aren't happening?  IDK.
Thanks for the wonderful reply...
4804873 tn?1360166137
Bawling...that was one of the most beautiful things I have ever watched.  Still crying....just wonderful...thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.

1530171 tn?1448133193

Well Julie, you were momentarily bathed in The Light.
The experiences you are witnessing are not random at all, nor is my
presence here.
And your 3 year old daughter, Oh my, she possesses a very advanced Spirit.
She is not only special -all children are truly special- but she's possibly a
Crystal child.
Your Soul is exposed to her, bare and naked, while she's guiding you, being guided herself  by her psychic and spiritual aspects.
Her understanding is way beyond her age, as this intelligence defies  the limitations of time, space and anything tangible.

Presently, you are going through some serious challenges, which are only meant to humble you and to bring you back onto your Path, with the help of a few Guides. It all starts to make some sense. Right?

Here's one more invitation for another opportunity to experience Light.
  It's another Youtube video clip of a song titled "Courage" by Justin Hines,
who possesses a very advanced Spirit himself.
I met him at a concert 2 years ago and had a beautiful exchange with him.
He's truly an Angel on Earth. His physical disability is just his human body shell, perhaps the door to his Angelic Energy.
You will feel this, I 'm sure.

Please, pm me, there a few more things you should know.

Many Blessings!

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