I'm a 28-year-old gay man currently overseas without access to HIV testing. My last (negative) test was in mid-January in the US where I live. I'm returning to the US soon and plan to get tested immediately because I'm worried about hearing bad news. I’ve had a drinking problem because of depression, resulting in a few nights out during which I blacked out during portions of the night. I've gone through my calendar carefully and know that I made it home in one piece most of these nights. But on February 11th I vaguely remember texting outside a gay club at around 3.45 AM, then waking up at home the next day not remembering exactly how I got home. My bank account said that I paid for a cab at 4.45 AM, but since the club is far, I must have taken the subway too. I don't remember how I got home, so it's possible that I was raped or did something risky with someone even though I didn't feel any soreness and had all my belongings with me at home. Also, on April 16th, I drank too much at a friend of a friend's party and passed out in the bathroom. He says that he found me there, dressed me, and that I started kissing him (I don't recall this). I then remember coming fully to consciousness again in his bedroom with him and a friend of mine. I had some brief unprotected oral sex with them and had insertive anal sex with one of them with a condom, which I specifically asked for. However, I don't know for sure whether this friend of a friend didn't do something to me while I was passed out in the bathroom or at any other point before the bedroom. I didn't feel soreness or pain anywhere. But I can't be absolutely certain that nothing dangerous happened. They both say they’ve tested HIV-negative recently. No ARS symptoms. I feel guilty about abusing alcohol and will seek counseling when I return. But I worry that somewhere in these drunken hazes I was raped or engaged in unprotected anal sex without recalling it. How do you prepare for a positive result at a clinic?