Despite your apparent assumption, the chance your partner has HIV are extremely low. Heterosexually acquired HIV is very rare in women in the US, unless they are the REGULAR partners of an HIV infected man, or if they are injection drug users or commercial sex workers--and even most of those aren't infected. Second, non-penetrating sex (often called 'genital apposition') is zero risk for HIV and most STDs, or close to it. Third, symptoms like yours never are a serious indicator of new HIV infection in low risk situations like yours; and your absence of fever is strong evidence against new HIV infection. (Night sweats without fever are meaningless; real night sweats cannot occur without fever.)
On the other hand, your partner's history of sex with a guy with urinary pain and blood in his urine suggests a potential STD risk. Further, although HIV is uncommon in sexually active young women in the US, chlamydia and other STDs are very common.
So my responses to your questions are: 1) Your symptoms suggest a minor viral respiratory infection, nothing more; they do not suggest HIV or any STD. 2,3) Small risk of herpes or HPV, but nothing else. People will define risk differently, but in general I consider such exposure low risk. 4) See above. If you had had unprotected vaginal sex, I would say get tested for common STDs. If you are otherwise sexually active outside committed relationships, you ought to have routine HIV and STD testing once a year anyway. So if that hasn't happened, this would be a good time, since it's on your mind. But not because of this particular encounter.
I hope this helps. Best wishes-- HHH, MD
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