Welcome to our Forum. I'm glad that your partner was (belatedly) forthright with you and am likewise glad to hear that he will be taking HIV therapy. Besides the benefit of the therapy for his HIV to him, it appears that persons on successful HIV therapy are also statistically less likely to infect their sex partners than persons who have higher amounts of virus in their blood because they are not on therapy.
Let's work through your questions:
1 and 2. We probably receive more calls about HIV and kissing than any other topic. Kissing is no risk, even deep kissing and even with flossing or gum/dental disease. The quoted figure for HIV risk, if one has oral sex with an infected partner is less than 1 in 10,000 and, in my estimation that is too high. Some experts state there is no risk at all from oral sex. Neither of us on this site have ever seen or reading the medical literature of a convincing instance in which HIV was passed by oral sex. This includes by all of the people who had gum disease, etc. Condoms further reduce the infinitesimal risk of infection form oral sex, if such is possible.
Distinctions between pre-ejaculatory fluid and ejaculate are not appropriate. Both have HIV in them and thus both a potentially infectious. While in any person there is likely to be less HIV in pre-ejaculate than ejaculate, because of huge person-to-person variation in the amount of virus present, one person's pre-ejaculate could well have more virus present than another person’s ejaculate.
3. No one has ever gotten HIV from mutual masturbation in which there was not also sex. This is the case despite the fact that it is usual for persons with HIV to get each others' genital secretions on each other in the course of mutual masturbation.
4. Nope, not through scratches either
5. Condoms are highly effective at preventing HIV transmission. when condoms break, as they do about 1% of the time, there is risk. There is no reason to worry about infection with anal or any other form of sex when the condom stays intact and is put on before penetration.
Hope these comments are helpful to the two of you. Having a partner with HIV does not need to preclude a satisfying sex life, particularly when appropriate precautions like making sure your partner is on therapy and using condoms for ano-genital contact are followed. Take care. EWH
Thank you for your reply. It is very helpful. Just to follow up, oral sex with pre-cum is still very low risk, correct? Having had a Rapid Oral Swab test 4 weeks after oral sex exposure that came back negative is a good indicator i would guess.
Also, do you know of any percentage figures of condom effectiveness if used properly in preventing HIV transmission?
Just to answer your last question..read #5 from Dr. Hook it answers your question.
Oral sex is oral sex. It is all very low risk, with or without pre-ejacualtory fluid and/or ejaculate. EWH