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HIV Risk condom failure
Hello Dr.
I identify as straight because I have no emotional attachment to men. For quite some time I have participated in non risky activity and have been okay. I am in a committed relationship, and have always taken that into consideration.
Recently a male that I have been mutually masturbating with at his home for about a year now, and myself got together. There was some alcohol involved and during this process I decided to try to allow him to penetrate me. We have had the HIV and STD talks since we have met. We did everything right and upon entering me for maybe less than a minute--the condom ruptured. I freaked out and left. The next day I texted him my concerns and he assured me he was negative. I told him that was not enough. He went to Walgreens and bought an Orasure kit and took a picture of the box and the negative result.
Of course my anxiety gets me to think, what if its not real, what if he had someone negative take the test so he would not have to admit this to me. He was a bit upset that I kept pressuring after knowing me so long and having these discussions. He apologized for being upset and stated it was because he felt he was being stereotyped.
The result was negative--he took a pic of the box, the test, the instructions, etc. I know where he lives and we are not strangers. However my creative imagination has turned this into a suspense movie of how he somehow manipulated this test.
I still do plan to get tested in the future---at first we were going to get tested together, but I was in such a panic he ran down the street to the local drug store for the orasure test. Is there a way to manipulate this test? Maybe just splashing water on it to get it to say negative? There was no ejaculation.
Should I have gotten PEP?
I identify as straight because I have no emotional attachment to men. For quite some time I have participated in non risky activity and have been okay. I am in a committed relationship, and have always taken that into consideration.
Recently a male that I have been mutually masturbating with at his home for about a year now, and myself got together. There was some alcohol involved and during this process I decided to try to allow him to penetrate me. We have had the HIV and STD talks since we have met. We did everything right and upon entering me for maybe less than a minute--the condom ruptured. I freaked out and left. The next day I texted him my concerns and he assured me he was negative. I told him that was not enough. He went to Walgreens and bought an Orasure kit and took a picture of the box and the negative result.
Of course my anxiety gets me to think, what if its not real, what if he had someone negative take the test so he would not have to admit this to me. He was a bit upset that I kept pressuring after knowing me so long and having these discussions. He apologized for being upset and stated it was because he felt he was being stereotyped.
The result was negative--he took a pic of the box, the test, the instructions, etc. I know where he lives and we are not strangers. However my creative imagination has turned this into a suspense movie of how he somehow manipulated this test.
I still do plan to get tested in the future---at first we were going to get tested together, but I was in such a panic he ran down the street to the local drug store for the orasure test. Is there a way to manipulate this test? Maybe just splashing water on it to get it to say negative? There was no ejaculation.
Should I have gotten PEP?
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Welcome to the forum. Thanks for your question.
However, in an important sense your question isn't primarily about HIV prevention but about human behavior and psychology. Of course I have no way of knowing whether your partner might have lied about his HIV status or, even more bizarrely, manipulated his new HIV test in an elaborate ruse to deceive you. But I have to say that expert experience is that few people intentionally mislead partners about HIV status, especially when asked outside of an immediately sexual situation. And the second situation sounds extraordinarily unlikely.
Personally, I am confident your partner doesn't have HIV and would recommend you go forward on that assumption -- i.e. without worry and without testing, and for sure without PEP. (I doubt you could find a doctor or clinic willing to prescribe PEP in this situation. Certainly my clinic would refuse.) But if on reflection you continue to fear he might be infected, you probably should be tested for HIV in a few weeks, for the reassurance you can expect from a negative result.
I hope this has helped. Best wishes-- HHH, MD
However, in an important sense your question isn't primarily about HIV prevention but about human behavior and psychology. Of course I have no way of knowing whether your partner might have lied about his HIV status or, even more bizarrely, manipulated his new HIV test in an elaborate ruse to deceive you. But I have to say that expert experience is that few people intentionally mislead partners about HIV status, especially when asked outside of an immediately sexual situation. And the second situation sounds extraordinarily unlikely.
Personally, I am confident your partner doesn't have HIV and would recommend you go forward on that assumption -- i.e. without worry and without testing, and for sure without PEP. (I doubt you could find a doctor or clinic willing to prescribe PEP in this situation. Certainly my clinic would refuse.) But if on reflection you continue to fear he might be infected, you probably should be tested for HIV in a few weeks, for the reassurance you can expect from a negative result.
I hope this has helped. Best wishes-- HHH, MD
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I haven't a clue whether it would be possible to manipulate a rapid test with water or anything else. The question never came up before and I doubt it will again.
Otherwise I have no other comments or advice, except that your self recognized "other issues" might benefit from professional counseling. I suggest it from compassion, not criticism.
Otherwise I have no other comments or advice, except that your self recognized "other issues" might benefit from professional counseling. I suggest it from compassion, not criticism.
I can see you shaking your head and responding with sarcasm which is reassuring that I have other issues lol.
I guess my main question is can you manipulate a test? With water? To make it negative? Idk. I just want kids and a normal life and I plan on tackling this issue because the reward of ejaculation isn't worth my life.
My partner is a woman---this is a guy who I mutually masturbate with regularly. He knows I'm straight and as I said he was annoyed because he felt like my asking him over and over was putting him in a box that all gay men have HIV.
I also dealt with 3 deaths in a month of friends with other issues non related but felt like something was.l bound to happen to me and I associated that ccondom rupture.
Was I at very high risk? No ejaculation? Brief penetration? A verbal negative and a test from him (though through text) was negative? I'm wondering now if he had that pic stored away for anyone who asks?
Again being very creative. He did agree to go in person. It was only after my flipping out he rushed to Walgreens for the orasure.
I guess my main question is can you manipulate a test? With water? To make it negative? Idk. I just want kids and a normal life and I plan on tackling this issue because the reward of ejaculation isn't worth my life.
My partner is a woman---this is a guy who I mutually masturbate with regularly. He knows I'm straight and as I said he was annoyed because he felt like my asking him over and over was putting him in a box that all gay men have HIV.
I also dealt with 3 deaths in a month of friends with other issues non related but felt like something was.l bound to happen to me and I associated that ccondom rupture.
Was I at very high risk? No ejaculation? Brief penetration? A verbal negative and a test from him (though through text) was negative? I'm wondering now if he had that pic stored away for anyone who asks?
Again being very creative. He did agree to go in person. It was only after my flipping out he rushed to Walgreens for the orasure.
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