I should mention the lymph nodes remain fairly swollen.
But more importantly you hit the nail on the head about my fear of getting tested. I know its fairly irrational in when I logically think about it but it has become a psychological problem of avoidance/denial. Whether I convince myself its a non issue or that I am doomed.
Thank you for your advice I will be getting tested and hopefully some psychological help.
Regarding your swollen lymph node. There are many other illnesses which can cause lymph node swelling. Swollen lymph nodes are a non-specific response to any number of stimuli including infections due to bacteria and viruses, allergic reactions and autoimmune disease. Of all persons with swollen lymph nodes only a tiny proportion of them have HIV. Please do not worry about this. EWH
Welcome to the Forum. I think there are two issues in play here. the first is whether or not you are at high risk for HIV (the answer is no), and the second, related issue is your fear of testing. Let's address them each.
First your risk of HIV. it is low. Presuming your partners were located here in the U.S. we can mathematically calculate your risk of infecting from the fact that less than 1 in 10,000 women in the U.S. have HIV and the fact that the risk of transmission of infection for any single sexual episode is less than 1 infection per 1000 sex acts. Thus, based on these two numbers, your average risk of having been infected in the course of five condom breaks is less than 1 in 2 million. If anything, I would guess your risk is lower than average. To put this in perspective you are between 10 and 100 times more likely to be struck by lightning than to have gotten HIV form the exposures you describe.
The second issue is your fear of testing. You need to get tested to put this behind you and, as you have already been told, the easiest way to do this is to have your doctor do it or, if that worries you, to go to your health department where confidential testing is probably done on a regular basis. Testing does not give a person HIV but it does give them the power to know what is going on and whether or not they have the infection. Most tests are negative and if you were so unfortunate as to have HIV, the test would allow you to seek treatment sooner. There is no reason to delay or avoid HIV testing.
Finally, the symptoms and lymph node discomfort you mention do not raise any concerns for me about HIV.
I hope these comments are helpful. EWH