If seems to me it is unlikely there was actual peneitration -- I have difficulty imagining how that could happen without your clear knowledge of it. But even if there was, with such a fleeting, brief exposure I would still consider the chance of HIV transmission to be very low -- but I cannot say it was zero risk.
Most important, I am disappointed you have chosen to ignore the main advice I gave you last week: "...if a bare penis (no condom) does not enter another person's vagina, rectum, or (maybe very rarely) mouth, there is no risk of HIV. I encourage you to continue to ask your partners about their HIV status before having any contact, even safe contact like mutual masturbation or oral sex; and not to go forward with those who are positive (and not on effective treatment), don't know, or seem evasive about it. Also keep condoms handy, in case in the heat of the moment you have anal sex."
If anal penetration almost occurred in the situation just described, it seems likely that it WILL occur in the not too distant future; you're obviously not entirely in control of your own sexual practices when in the heat of passion. Therefore, you should have had a condom on your penis for the contact described above. And obviously you didn't ask your partner about his HIV status. If you continue as you are, you can expect penetration will occur for real -- and if that happens repeatedly without condoms, and without discussing HIV status with partners, there is a strong chance you'll have HIV someday.
I don't say that to frighten you. This particular event was zero risk or close to it, and no testing is required. But you're obviously very close to the edge of high risk and you're going to need to get your act together -- RIGHT NOW.
In addition, you cannot and should not expect to seek risk advice about every seual exposure that worries. Just follow the guidance I have already given; and have routine HIV/STD testing from time to time, like once a year or if the risk is especially high, e.g. if a condom breaks during anal sex.
In any case, this has to be your last question on this forum for a while. MedHelp permits a maximum of 2 questions every 6 months on each of the professionally moderated forums (see Terms and Conditions) -- any before next October would be deleted without reply (and without refund of the posting fee).
Regards-- HHH, MD
You have made complete sense to me, and I realize my actions have been careless. I have decided that I am not emotionally ready to be physical with anyone right now, and furthermore, if I am, I will make sure I am taking ALL precautions.
Right now though, I am just terrified that I have put myself at too much risk already and I am (for lack of a better word) screwed.
Do I really need not to test over any of this? I have asked this guy many times if I had penetrated him, and he said no.. I am just so convinced that I did and I hadn't noticed since we were already frotting.
I really thought that I was being safe.. I'm seriously at the end of my rope.
I am sorry if I have been abusing this forum, it wasn't my intention. I really have no-where else to turn to.
Sorry to hear this is all so difficult for you. But a forum like this can only provide facts, probabilities, and the moderators' judgment. If that information doesn't ease your anxiety and you remain "seriously at the end of my rope", then professional counseling may be in order. Or you could seek out a gay men's support group; generally there's at least one in each major metropolitan area, often several, as well as in many smaller communities. It probably would help you to talk through your anxieties with other men in similar situations.
In any case, there's nothing more this forum can offer you. Good luck.