Welcome to the forum.
You had an essentially zero risk exposure with respect to HIV. HIV is very rare in escorts in the US and other industrialized countries -- probably under 1 chance in 1,000 she was infected. Second, HIV is almost never transmitted by oral sex -- one estimate is one chance in 2,000. That makes the odds you had HIV, before you were even tested, in the range of 1 in 2 million. And hand-jobs are absolutely zero risk for HIV. Finally, there is no serious chance of a false negative HIV antibody test at 6 weeks. Your wife's symptoms are for sure just a coincidence -- which is about a million times more likely than the possibility you caught HIV and gave it to her.
To your specific questions:
1,4) HIV is not transmitted by hand-genital contact. No chance. Same for other STDs. Theoretically HSV could be transmitted that way, but it has not been known to ever happen.
2) Your 6 week test result was conclusive. Your 10 week result is equally so.
3) No additional testing is necessary.
5) No, your symptoms do not suggest HIV or any STD.
All is well. Neither you nor your wife has HIV from the events described. Try to stop worrying about it.
Regards-- HHH, MD
Re-read my previous reply. It is not normal to be so resistant to such overwhelming evidence and reasoned reassurance. This forum has nothing more to offer you. If post anything more here, the entire thread will be deleted without further comment.
I have one final question before I put this behind me...
Overall I am feeling better about things, but it's the topic of late seroconversion that had me question things again. I am very overweight, don't get sick TOO often, and wouldn't consdier my immune system to be anything other then ordinary.
Muscle and joint aches, hot face and neck but not an actual fever but a overall "warm" feeling is making me very nervous that I can be seroconverting late.
Are any of these feelings justified? Every time I have unprotected sex with I wife we are trying to have a child, and yet instead of an attempt to create life I feel Im raising my chances of destroying both of ours.
If you can help me with this I'll be on my way.
My parting comment is only this: When people have irrational fears that continue after overwhelming evidence and reasoned reassurance, it generally means there is an underlying emotional/psychological issue and that professional counseling should be considered. Repeating the evidence/reassurance rarely resolves the anxiety, but that's all a forum like this can do -- so I won't have any further comments or advice.
Thanks for the words Doctor.
I have been having continuous unprotected sex with my wife as we are trying to have a child, and am trying to put the past behind me.
HIV is such a scary thing. Maybe not as scary as it was 10-15 years ago, but scary nonetheless. I peruse the "Living with HIV" community thread once and a while and do not see alot of new postings there, especially from people who initially post on the prevention forum so that makes me feel better.
I'm sure you get hit with the "what if im gonna turn positive" question alot also, and I do think about that as well. like a 10 week negative turning positive. I've had a total of 4 negative antibody tests since May of this year, and all were for unprotected oral sex with oral ejaculation, no penetration of any kind and yet I still fear sometimes I'm putting my wife at risk.
I know I have guilt, but also want to be as educated about this as possible. Any parting advise?