Hi, everyone.
Thanks for the support of these communities - they've been very helpful.
Here's a brief look at my sexual history. I'm 22, bisexual, and have only been sexually active since April, 2007. My first experience was only oral (male-male / giving and receiving) with no ejaculation in my mouth. Unfortunately, my first experience also taught me that I have severe HIV and STD anxiety. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was depressed, I had night sweats and mouth ulcers, I lost 15 pounds, and was overwhelmed. After 8 weeks I went to the doctor and broke down in her office and started bawling. I was put on Zoloft and subsequently tested negative after 8 weeks - conclusive. My life was given back to me by my incredible doctor and her compassion.
Fast forward to December, 2008 and January, 2009. I felt ready to resume sexual activity. In December all I did was mutual masturbation, and in January I had mutual masturbation and received oral sex.
The most recent activity was May, 2010, and it was deep kissing, receiving unprotected oral sex, and giving protected oral sex (male-male).
From what I understand from all of my research on the forums, I have never put myself at risk for HIV. Unfortunately, after my most recent experience in May, out of some divine comedy, I developed a case of very persistent jock itch that has put me in a bit of an anxious state. The jock itch is still there, and I've been to the doctors about it. Mind you, I'm not NEARLY as anxious as I was back in '07. I can still function and live happily. But, even though I never put myself at a risk I can't help but let HIV keep slipping into my thoughts . . .
Does anyone have any advice on how to curb this anxiety? Logically, I was never at risk. But, in reality, I can't convince myself otherwise. Were it not for this itch, I wouldn't find myself slipping back into old anxious habits. What do you all think?
Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the help.