Depression before HIV anxity and getting worse now !

[bluereef]

Hello

I have a chronic depression , I am father of 2 , a very sucessful person. I went through a broblem with my wife for the last 3 months and I was separated. I went to a tourist trip to forget and bring some joy to my life, unfortenately I have consumed lots of alcohol and during that I had an encounter with a youg prostitute ( 20 years ) .

I spent 3 days seeing her every night.

I am extremely worried from :

- in the 1st night i didnt have condoms , she was with me in the room and she gave me a incomplete hand job while we were hugging on bed, i dont know if she only touched my penis with her vagina because our bodies were to close to each other and I am afraid that I touched her vagina.

- in the 2nd night I had both protected vaginal and protected anal sex with her, after ejaculation during anal sex i pulled out and the condom remained insid her . I am terrified by the idea that I might lost the condom protection during sex !

- We were involved in deep kissing for 3 days, she is young and looks very healthy but she told me that she is working as a prostitute for the last 4 years.

the depression and anxity i feel is deep, I have been depressed for the last 8 years and survived so many depression attacks and I know how to deal with the worest types of anxity and depression, but this one is just too heavy for me.

I have been reading about HIV for 2 weeks so far, I know that I have some risk and I really wish that I die before I know that I am HIV positive .

I live in a country where HIV person is considered cursed, my wife called me to come back and I am afraid to say yes and solve this family issue becuase then I cant avoid sex with her and I prefer that i die 1000 times but nothing bad happened to her or to my kids because of me.

someone please help me with statistics , numbers , facts any thing solid that I can use to kill the negative thoughts invading me day and night. i am in the 1st week after encounter and the window period is going to take 3 months :(

God help us all.    

[Exworriedwell99]

http://www.anxietyandstress.com/dealingwithocd.html

[joggen]

Thanks for posting.

I see that you have not yet received a risk assessment in the HIV Prevention Community.  If you want the facts about your exposure and your risk, you first need to post there (link below):

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/HIV-Prevention/show/79?camp=msc&personal_page_id=809968

However, I can briefly comment on the emotional aspects of your situation. It is unlikely that you will be able to get over this fear that you are infected with HIV without successful resolution of your underlying depression. That should be your #1 health priority at the moment. The HIV Prevention Community can provide reassurance with facts, but I'm afraid that may not be enough. Thus, I suggest that you consider getting counseling to help you move on from this.