HIV Negative finally tested, but HIV Anxiety has wrecked my health

[AngeloA]

Hi, folks

Three years ago I posted about my unprotected oral sex drama and my 2nd HIV test that came negative. After that I suffered intense anxiety, and couldn\'t believe anything that was posted here. I was also member of  this site\'s HIV Anxiety support forum. My posts should be here somewhere under my old account name, but I can\'t access them anymore cause my old account has been blocked.

At that same time I have begun having  health issues, joint pain, stomach problems, headaches, itching etc. Now after 3 years living with HIV Anxiety, my issues worsened to the point that my doctor has ordered a HIV test and also a Hep A and Hep C test. I was diagnosed with fatty liver disease and I have IBS. All three tests came back negative.

Have I tested sooner, probably my anxiety couldn\'t have the chance to wreck my health.  

I thank joggen, Vance, Teak and the doctors for their insights and I should have listened to you guys.

Don\'t wait too long to do a test, just do it. If the tests come back positive, you are in time for treatment, if they come back negative you can learn from it and have mental peace. But don\'t let anxiety kill you before anything else.

Thanks

[AngeloA]

Hi,

Same symptoms here (except for the vagina) thing. I found surprising articles about stress and anxiety and the symptoms caused by that are similar of those of a serious illness.

Here's an article: http://robdaquila.com/2010/02/23/stress-and-joint-pain/
and another: http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/symptoms/joint-pain.

I have read that stress and anxiety hinder your immune system in several ways.

http://www.advocate.com/politics/commentary/2011/08/01/op-ed-diagnosing-fear-hiv
Here's an article on HIV fear.

Point is you have to get the courage to test again and read the Doctor's and User's forums about oral sex. It will give you mental peace.
Are there any other issues like guilt? I'd also advice you work with a therapist and be open with him/her.

In my case I started with a therapist and couldn't believe she wasn't taking me serious (in my mind), then I went to another but I refused to tell about this issue.

All these led to the following behaviors: excessive internet use (to numb my anxiety or to confirm my symptoms aren't HIV symptoms), compulsively visiting the Cruising spot for men who have sex with men (which gave both thrills and more guilt afterwards), overeating ("if I have HIV I won't waste at least", which probably led to my current overweight, diabetes and fatty liver disease) guilt ("I don't deserve being with my partner, I'm afraid I have infected him, If I was straight I wouldn't have this problem"), increase in alcohol use, anger, and add up all the daily stress from work and money.

Then the funny thing happened after 3 years. With fatty liver and IBS, I went to gastroenterologist, who looked straight in my face, and ordered HIV testing. Another patient told me, doctors usually order HIV testing if they suspect the patient is gay (which is unfair, considering the higher rate of HIV among heterosexual men in my country). Test came back negative, and the only person I've been with after 2009 was my partner who also tested negative a few weeks before my doctor's visit.

I'm planning to go back to my therapist, and I think you should also work with a therapist. If you trust your doctor, talk with him/her about your issues and let him/her order a test for your mental peace. Do actitivities that are good for your mental and physical health.

Take care.

[ilovethelord]

Just a quick note to say hi! I am having the same symptoms after performing oral sex on a man in 2009. I tested negative at 40 days after exposure but was too scared to go back and retest at 3 months. Now I am having even stranger symptoms like you said itching but breaking out like chronic hives, itchy anus, pain in joints, neck hurts and feels stiff, headaches, ulcers on vagina that come and go sometimes within hours. Strange strange maybe stress. I felt confident with my 40 day result and being low risk and asking him straight up about being tested which he said he tests regularly. Until my doctor came back with a low wbc and low abs lymp for me and turns to her assistant and says "this is what we can see in hiv positive people" but hr differential looks fine though we will do cbc in a couple of months again. Now being in and going into the medical filed that is a no no to speak like that in front of a patient. Little did she know the anxiety I suffered from being afraid of HIV. I feel like you though all these symptoms are from stress and the toll it has taken on my body. Not even just the stress of being scared of contracting hiv but other life stresses as well. I feel that kicked it all off. I am pulling myself up to get tested again so I can move on though. I would accept a negative test at this point with absolute no doubt but I have to get the courage up to do it again. I am glad you posted this though, thanks