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HIV Anxiety Support Community
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Is this irrational? Or far fetched? Or could this be real?

I have an HIV phobia unfortunately. It's been on and off almost my whole life. Here's what is happening now. So please do not answer me if you are judging this but I had an abortion at 36 and ever since I have regretted it tremendously. However now the only people that know is my doctor and her assistant. It's been almost 4 years since my abortion but I'm so worried that every time I go to the doctor and get any type of procedure, pap probably procedure, blood work anything that involves using any type of medical supplies or instruments, I worry that judge me for my abortion and in turn will do something on purpose to me to try to infect me with HIV since they know I'm a germaphobe and specifically I always worry about hiv and they know that. I'm worried that that one of them would reuse medical supplies on purpose or tell someone in the office to infect me if they can like reuse a needle or instruments to perform pap test procedure, like the speculum they put inside you to swab a test to check your pap or anything really. I got my ears flushed and I wondered if they reused the tip that goes in my ear to infect me or injected blood of someone else's into the bottle that they use to flushed my ears out. I even told them I'm worried about that and now that I told them that  worried they will do something to infect me because they don't agree with my decision of abortion or maybe just because they know I'm fearful of HIV and annoying that I'm always asking them to open up stuff in front of me that now they will deliberatly do something on purpose to infect me like now I have them the idea. Do you think that anyone would do that? I do because I know people can be evil and you see it on the news horrible things that people do and sometimes you hear or read that someone reused a needle in medical facility and I just don't trust anyone anymore. I hope they didn't reuse anything to do my pap procedure or ear flush or blood draw or anything and that they wouldn't do it ever with anything and I hope now that I told them what I'm worried about that it now gave them the idea to do something like that now. I worry much that they are upset about my abortion and they think I deserve this now. Please help me and tell me if I'm being irrational and if I need to worry about HIV now or in the future because I brought it up to them. Should I not go back there anymore? Please think about it before reacting and thinking I'm being ridiculous because I know it sounds ridiculous butt could this be true do you think I need to be worried? Also I want to have a child now and maybe they think I deserve this because I said I wanted to get pregnant now and the fact that I got an abortion ba few years ago maybe they are thinking I don't serve a baby now. I don't know but please help me with my thoughts and respond with something with your honest opinion.
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