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HIV Anxiety Support Community
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Avatar universal

Please someone give me solace

I can't stop worrying. I'm a seventeen-year-old survivor of brain cancer. After my surgery, I experienced several seizures due to a blood clot in my brain. For several months I was extremely anxious about possibly having another seizure. I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and  my psychiatrist is looking into bipolar disorder and we're testing a medication. Back in December I had an STD test and it was positive for Chlamydia (which really freaks me out). The Dr (who wasn't my regular and did not know me) had also suggested an HIV test which was administered on the same day, and that was at at least six weeks since my most recent contact. The test was negative. However, I still spent the next month and a half obsessing over the possibility of having it. I don't know what the test was (ELISA 3rd generation or what..). I am what is considered "high risk" because I have had several partners over the last several months (the periods) of mania didn't help. My Dr said at the follow-up appt that I shouldve had a conclusive result by then, and my psychiatrist confirmed that my anxiety was mostly like to blame. I just need some peace of mind. Can anyone help? Do you agree with my psychiatrist?
5 Responses
186166 tn?1385262982
a conclusive test result can be obtained 3 months post your LAST unprotected vaginal/anal intercourse.

until you are in a monogamous relationship where BOTH of you have tested...ALWAYS use condoms for penetrative intercourse.  sex lasts a few minutes...HIV LAST A LIFETIME.
Avatar universal
I don't think the doctors here on MH would consider you "high risk". HIV is very rare in women your age, even those who have multiple partners. If you had partners with certain risk factors (e.g. IV drug user, bisexual, inner city African-American, former prison inmate) then that would elevate your risk; otherwise the chance that you have HIV was pretty low to begin with.

Most importantly, your 6 week test is a great sign. A negative result at 6 weeks is highly unlikely to change. This means that even if you were at high risk, your test result makes the chance that you have HIV very remote at this point. If you are still concerned, have another test at 12 weeks as Lizzie suggested- expect it to be negative.

The best thing to come out of this for you is if you learn from this and change your behavior in the future. If you use condoms consistently, you won't have to deal with additional STD/HIV scares. Please keep condoms with you at all times when you are out with guys and insist on using them for vaginal or anal sex.

Avatar universal
SORRY IT'S SO LONG, BUT ALL OF IT IS IMPORTANT



Oh definitely. I don't ever plan on having unprotected sex again unless I'm in a long-term relationship and we both have been tested a couple of times since before we do it. Now that I understand the nature of my manic periods I'm better able to resist the temptation and feelings of invincibility that were behind my terrible, terrible decisions. There was an incident a while back. I was still on .5 mg of alprazolam and I was with my friend on her 18th birthday party. Anyway, I started to have a panic attack so bad, that I was desperate to make it stop by any means. To calm me down I took one extra pill (which my Dr said was okay) but when that didnt help I had a few drinks with the promise of my friend watching me and making sure I was okay. Needless to say I was in an altered state, and to make matters worse my friend left in the middle of the night. I remember a majority of my night. At around dawn I went to sleep and apparently this guy who lived there with my friend's friend's room mate went to sleep on the opposite side of the bed. He is African American but I had met him earlier in the night and talked to him a little bit, and he seemed like a nice guy. I don't think he's what you would describe as "inner city" but he does kind of fit the stereotypical "I try to be a hard thug persona" so I cant be sure. The next morning he was bragging about fingering me in my sleep. I'm scared to death that something could have happened.. that I could've been RAPED. But then I think that if he had, I should have and would have woken up since I was coherent most of the night, and when I had fallen asleep earlier in the night I would wake up periodically even though when I was out I was really outtt. That if he had done something like rape me, he wouldn't have been bragging about it. That if he had, he would've at least worn a condom since I'm a underage girl. But he had been drinking that night so I can't be 100% sure since his judgment very well could have been affected. I didn't report this because A) I was confident that nothing happened and if anything did, he just touched me and B)his roommates were supposed to find out for sure and "handle" the problem. By the time this fear of HIV set in and it was made clear to me that his roommates weren't going to be true to their word, it was too late. I didn't have any witnesses, except for a friend who said he wouldnt allow him to stay in the toom, and it would have been too late to acquire any biological evidence. It also didn't help that he, like most African American males his age around here claim support and have some affiliation with the gang the Bloods or something like that (even when a majority of the time they really don't). He definitely proved himself to be a big liar in the beginning of the night so that also made me feel a bit better. This was only a few days short of 8 weeks before I was tested.
I know I can't completely blame my mental disorders but this behavior isn't characteristic of the person I truly am. I hate myself for this; for putting myself in a position where I could actually worry about this. I've found in my research that ELISA tests don't necessarily need to be done at three months even though it is the standard with most clinics. The last boy I had unprotected sex with was tested a few days after I informed him of the Chlamydia diagnosis (which I know isn't long enough to be conclusive) and he said he was clean. He was tested again only a few days ago, so it's been 11 weeks (give or take a few days) since we were together. He and I spent a good while (at least 1.5 hours) engaging in the activity that night and it wasn't exactly gentle so I'm sure that some vaginal tearing did take place, making it pretty likely he would've contracted it Right????? the His test was negative ( which is weird that he didn't get the Chlamydia) and I made sure to ask him if it was a FULL spectrum test. He said it was, and because he is in the military I know they generally require periodic HIV testing and my nurse at my gynecologist's office confirmed this because her husband is military.
On the 16th it will have been exactly twelve weeks since my first test, and I intend to go get tested again unless there's a problem with my insurance covering it or I don't have enough money in my account to cover the cost myself.


I'm pretty dang sure it's my anxiety because of the way I've OBSESSED over medical issues before, and because this worrying generally only comes in waves several times a day (even though right after my first test I was in shock and hadnt researched it yet, and thought about it pretty much all the time). The rest of the time I feel comfortable and stupid for worrying so much even though I'm still not 110% sure.

Considering my anxiety and this new information should I still feel better from having a negative first test?
Avatar universal
You would have known if you were raped. That is all I am going to say about that. And the fact that your last partner tested negative makes the chance that you have HIV effectively zero.

Feel free to post your 12 week test result if you go through with it, otherwise no more comments please. If you have additional concerns please discuss them with your mental health care providers.
Avatar universal
Okay, just talked to a few other friends who were there, and there was no period of time where I wasn't coherent, couldn't answer them, and couldn't be awakened with a simple nudge or two. And to add even more I wasn't alone with the guy for more than fifteen minutes all night and everyone was awake when he was, just in another room. I even retraced my steps through the night and they said I remember everything I was awake for. Nothing happened, and since that's the case I'm not at nearly as high a risk rate. I did, however, end up having an encounter with my ex (first time we had had sex) when some old flames were rekindled. I don't think we had unprotected sex for the first time until about a week later when I thought we had talked about it enough to know that we were both clean. I have reason to believe that he may have given me the Chlamydia because I later found out that he had been with this girl who is rumored to have/have had something like, but I can't be sure because I think I may have had minor symptoms for a bit before him but didnt get tested until the major ones caught my attention. He's not nearly a big a risk factor for HIV as an inner city African American, but I understand a remote chance is still there. I also did more research and several medical sources sources, the most recent being published by an MD, said that third generation tests (which is most likely what I had) are conclusive over 98% of the time at 6 weeks but many clinics will not test you until 12 weeks, so I do believe I should be in the clear. I still want to get tested again in a few days.

If it hasn't been made clear, I'm super prone to anxiety and I'm a hypochondriac. I spent seven months spending at least 12 hours a day obsessing over having another seizure, as well as a few other minor but still completely irrational diseases. One time I even read some of the warnings about acetaminophen, and worried I was going to end up with liver failure for a few hours. Logic tells me this almost definitely what it is, and even my gut does deep down when I'm not having a panic attack and my common sense being affected. My psychiatrist agrees.

Having your feedback still makes me feel a lot better, so thank you all very much.
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