This is my old, original nickname. As you requested, I reposted my question. You may delete the first thread.
I'm a bisexual male in a relationship with another male.
I tested negative for HIV in March 2008, almost a year after my unprotected encounters. In August 2008 I developed an interest in a cruising spot in a local mall. I was doing only handjobs but then I was giving and receiving unprotected oral sex from a few men. I must add that I do not frequent that cruising spot.
In March 2009 (if I'm not mistaken) I gave a brief unprotected oral to a man, who seemed to have an abrasion on the base of his penis. My mouth didn't touch that spot, since he had a large penis.I got scared when I saw it and walked away. I was so scared afterwardsI didn't want to do oral sex anymore.
I tested in June 09, 2009 almost 11 weeks after that exposure, because my partner insisted me to after I confessed him of my cheatings. The test came back negative.
I was ready to move on, when I found scary stories about window periods and seroconversions on the internet. The next months after that, was horrifying. I was under tremendous stress and anxiety, I got frequent panic attacks, nightmares and delusions. Worse of it, I continued to visit the cruising spot,because I seemed to be addicted to the thrills, but I limited myself to only hand jobs.
I went to a therapist for this behavior and she said I should move on, and forgive myself, because I'm so ashamed of myself. I was anxious that I might have infected my partner with something, constantly checking his health, reading online info about HIV, checking symptoms, remembering the dates when I visited the cruising spot etc.
When I, for the second time was ready to move on, I started having complications in August, beginning of September 2009.
It started with pain in my hands, fingers and toes, with a slightly high CRP results and low vitamin B12 and folate levels.
Then frequent stomach problems and occasional diarrhea, soft stool or yellow brown stool till today.
In the beginning of November I got a rash and a fungal infection near my groin and under my armpits. The skin around my groin, under my testicles to my anus got cracked and sore.
In November I got painful swollen lymph nodes in my groin and armpits also seem swollen.
I had a painful infection near my anus, which the doctor described as a combination of fungal and bacterial infection and I got antibiotics and anti-fungus cream for it.
In December the pain in my hands, fingers and toes have returned, my armpits burn and tingle, there is still pain in my groin, and I still got the fungal infection (the lesion seems smaller now). I also got stiff neck and lower back pain.
I'm being monitored by a doctor for diabetes and cardiovascular risks, and also for other infections. And I'm planning on having a full check-up.
All these symptoms worry me, even though I read on the forums here about the low risks of HIV and the accuracy of the test. I feel sometimes that I haven't got through HIV yet, and there is a chance still that I might have it.
I try to calm myself down, and let the doctors do their work, but sometimes it can be hard. I'm afraid to go through another test again.
Sometimes I think about stress and anxiety being the cause of my ailments, because I was under tremendous stress and anxiety about HIV, while working on a project. Also I had two to three jobs in October and November.
I would like your thoughts or advice about this.