Ex diagnosed with HIV what to tell daughter or to tell at all!!

[valory]

I have a question to ask everyone out there that I need help with.  My ex told me a 4 or so months ago that he has tested positive for HIV.  Its been years and years since we have been together and ive been tested every year and i am negative. One of the main problems that I am having at this time aside from feeling really really bad for my ex is that we have a 13 year old daughter together.  Since my ex found out his status he has more or less locked himself away in his apartment and he has been having a very hard time dealing with it (I dont blame him).  Ive been trying to talk to him about what to tell our daughter and when I do get ahold of him he doesnt want to talk but is adament about not telling our daughter about his status, about him being ill or about anything basically.  I've honored his wished but he isnt making it easy because he is avoiding her and she doenst understand why he wont talk to her, see her, or return her phone calls.  I need help to know what to do and if anyone else has been in this situation.  i dont want her to be angry later at me for not saying anything, but I dont want to go against her fathers wishes, but then again I think maybe she shouldnt know because she is so young and the teen years are hard enough.......i dont know.......
Help a mom out...

[valory]

UPDATE: He told my daughter on his own recently and everything went as well as hoped for in this situation.  he called me u and told me that he thought it would be best if he told her the truth so she understood why he wanst feeling well and why he wasnt able to spend as much time with her.  When he told her I expected a lot of tears and questions but she wasnt to upset and I explained a lot to her in anticipation of her questions.  I am so amazed that in JR high school they teah soooooo little about HIV compared to when I went to school.  Its really scary!!!! My daughter is now much happier and much more understanding of what her father is going through and I am so glad that he told her on his own and in his own time.  Thanks to everyone for the advice!!!

[surreyUK]

Yes, He will tell her when he is ready Val...give him time. One thing you need to remember, is that he loves his daughter very much. Thats one thing I am sure of. He needs help though...HIV is NOT a death sentence, he needs to know that. He must also stop worrying where he got it from and get on with his LIFE.

[Teak]

It's not up to you to tell her, he will tell her when he is ready.