Neg X-BF Just Told Me He Is Tested Positive.

[anon01850]

This is just heartbreaking.

I was in a relationship with a guy for 7 years.  It was a little difficult at the beginning as I am positive and he was negative.  He NEVER cared about it and we always played 'mostly' safe... he was 100% bottom and i was a 100% top.  I topped him without rubbers for the entire 7 years but never to completion.... I have never once in my 10 years positive been detectable and always took care of myself.... never been sick once...heck i don;t even get colds.  He got tested every 3 months and always was negative... seemed like out formula worked for us.

Sadly I broke up with him back in November... he was 100 % monogamous in the relationship... super loyal. After lots of problems the last few years I finally had enough and broke up with him... he took it very hard and still has not accepted it.... it's been a hard few months since the break up.  We text occasionally and talk every few weeks and it is clear he is in a lot more pain than I am...

anyway, he came to me today and said he went to a sex club and had sex with a few guys... claimed he bottomed with them but they were wearing condoms.  CLAIMS he had no evidence they took the condoms off or they completed inside him... but today (1 month after the encounter) he tested positive.  He said the 20 minute oral test he took 2 weeks ago came back negative but the blood work that came back today was positive which led the councilor to tell him it was a recent infection and so he fears something went wrong with that encounter.

Anyway, he is a mess... I tried comforting him but i am harboring a lot of anger and resentment that i kept him safe for 7 years and he threw it all away in one night... then he comes to me for comfort.  I then started fearing that maybe he did in fact get it from me....

I tired to find some sort of concrete info on the web about the oral test and i read somewhere that the oral test can show negative up to 3 - 6 months after an infection but then positive after a blood test.  If we did not have sex since November (maybe early December... i can't really recall) and he tested a month ago... doesn't that actually mean there is a possibility it  was from me?  my recent blood work still shows me at undetectable and T-cell count over 800...  

So either he is lying about this one and only night at a sex club.... not telling me REALLY what happened that night...not telling me about other encounters at other times.... or the possibility is it's from me... which would destroy me.

Can anyone give me a little insight in to this... i'm super sad... and it is hard because I want to 'rescue' him once again... but the relationship was so unhealthy.... always rescuing him... and i have a fear in the back of my head that he got infected on purpose and it is haunting me...

I know this is a little different than most posts... but I am hoping someone can give me some advice.

Thanks

[Emily_MHManager]

Hi everyone -

This is a support site for those living with HIV.  We are a safe site for everyone, and whether or not we agree or disagree, personally, with someone else's choices or someone else's words, please remember judgments or insults are not allowed.  It is possible to disagree without insults.  If our members are unable to stay within our TOS, then support is lost for ALL our members when the thread comes down.

Thanks for your cooperation.

Emily

[stevebrum]

I'm sorry to hear about you're  ex partner  
You're formal for sex worked for both you and you're ex at the time. He knew the risks of barebacking.  I was  with someone who was Poz I was neg at the time we had a relationship for just over a year. We bare backed each other. But he wanted a open relationship. I was very hurt by this  I knew he bare backed.  We split for this reason. I went to sex clubs but bare backing was what I liked eventually got infected. Which distroyed me at the time. But went to self help groups. And met my husband there we now have a relationship where we play together as a couple we let other guys know our status.  Your ex will get better in time but don't feel guility about him  just be there as a friend if a relationship is what you both want go for it other wise  don't go there.  He will find his feet eventually but it will take time    Message me anytime you. Like.  We  may not be angles but it doesnt make us bad people either. Take care big hugs. Steve xx