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Avatar universal

Anxiety induced symptoms? Or early onset HIV

This is an HIV related question, hopefully for Dr. Handsfield's response.  I am 45 years old and have only had 4 sex partners in my life--my wife of 20 years and, in the past few months, 3 men, all of whom told me they were HIV negative.  The last incident has me very anxious to the point of producing physical symptoms that are probably, hopefully, only coincident with certain HIV onset symptoms.  But, I wanted a rational analysis.  All 3 episodes of intercourse with the men were protected, and I was the inserting partner.  There was also unprotected oral sex with each of them (I received).  In the last episode of insertive anal sex, roughly 3 weeks ago, I also fingered the guy.  After intercourse the man went to the bathroom and noted that a hemorrhoid had erupted. He showed me toilet paper with a lot of bright red blood.  I was not nervous at that time because I was nearly certain 1) the condom did not break during intercourse and 2) there was no blood on the outside of the condom or bed sheets when I took it off.  Otherwise, I would have really freaked out, and I didn't at all.  Fast forward three weeks and one of my friends told me the oral sex and the bleeding put me at risk.  Later that day I started having profuse back and underarm sweats now lasting days, stomach cramps and diarrhea also for days, nausea, itchiness (but I have poison ivy right now, as I always do at the beginning of each summer), and two people told me I look like I lost weight, and I have not been trying to lose weight, though I have been exercising more since the weather is good.  Rationally, I know there was no exposure, but there is always that small chance that the guy was HIV+ in the most highly contagious early stage, transmitted it to me during fingering (entering a poison ivy sore) or unprotected oral sex, or by the condom breaking and my not realizing it.  I have no fever that I know of, none of my lymph nodes are not swollen or tender (except when I poke them constantly), but the sweating and anxiety, and poison ivy, and noted weight loss by others are really bothering me.  There are also a few folliculitis bumps on my stomach and chest that are unusual.  Please tell me it's all in my head.  Attempting slowly to come out of the closet at middle age is hard enough.  Taking precautions and still worrying about illness makes it so much worse.  I'll likely always stay in where I am really safe (but generally unhappy since my wife has always hated intimacy, has deprived me of it for years, and has generally made me feel like it's dirty--but you don't need to know that.  It's a different matter.)  Thank you so much.
5 Responses
Avatar universal
Nothing you mention should concern you about HIV.  Fingering and protected sex are not risks.  And insertive oral sex is definitely not a risk.
Avatar universal
Thank you.  I am certain you are right, and your answer is comforting.  I would still appreciate Dr. HHH responding especially about the risk of HIV transmission in hemorrhoidal blood.  Most of the questions/comments on this site and online are from the perspective of the receptive person with hemorrhoids and not the insertive person's perspective of coming into contact with hemorrhoidal blood from the receptive person.  Does hemorrhoidal blood contain the HIV virus, or as an isolated clot-like bubble, does the virus get disactivated even though it's still inside the human body?  It's so bright red which leads me to believe that it can contain lot's of the virus and therefore is risky for the insertive partner, too.  
Avatar universal
You're not going to get an answer from Dr. HHH.  They no longer have the doctors forum, and if they did, you would have to pay for it.
370181 tn?1428180348
James has already answered your questions about your risks, of which you had none.

Since the condom did not break, which you would know immediately if it had, and there was no blood on the condom, then you can assume the hemorrhoid did not rupture during sex. Most likely happened when your partner was cleaning/wiping his rectum.

I cannot, with any real certainty, answer your question about the blood inside a hemorrhoid, but I would guess that since hemorrhoids can "shrink and expand," then the blood, which you stated was frank, would be circulating through the hemorrhoids as it does through the rest of the body.
But the bottom line here is that the rupture had to have happened AFTER you withdrew or there would have been blood on the condom, which had NOT broken and therefore would still not have been a risk.

There are new condoms on the market made just for anal sex. They are apparently a bit thicker so less likely to fail. Worth looking into.

You had no risk.......don't overthink this. Always play safe.
Avatar universal
Thank you very much for the time you put in your response.  Your answer, too, was very helpful and comforting to me.  Not that I play often, but when I do it is always safe.  I suppose ruptured hemorrhoids is a fairly common problem, and if it were very dangerous to the insertive partner there would be more literature and postings on it.  Thank you very much, again.
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