I am back and again, I truly appreciate the unwavering help and helpful advice you've been offering!
Finally, I got tested for all of those common STI (except for HIV), and the results all came back negative.
It looks all good but I still cannot live with a peace of mind, it seems like I just don't have the courage to have a HIV test. As I said before, I've been newly active on the gay side and in the past 10 months, I have had 30-ish casual encounters with guys hooked off line, I know for sure I do NOT have a HUGE HIV concern because I did not engage myself into any unprotected anal sex, or let them cum in my mouth, not even once, basically me and those guys, we just deep kissing, oral unprotected (I was the receiver), oral protected (I was the giver), and fingering for a couple of times. But innermost within, I do always have a concern for HIV. I am educated here for many times that if one was born a HIV free child, not a IV drug user, none unprotected anal/vaginal sex, then he does make a choice to not live with HIV. I always ask myself IF questions, like If I had a cut in my mouth, and his precum landed on it without my knowledge etc. those IF qs keep bothering me a lot. What should I do? I know a test is the best way to keep me calm down, but I am so afraid if the result is positive. I want to hear your advice again. Ty