1) No. The "microscopic holes" idea is a myth that won't die. HIV enters through the urethra, and a substantial amount of, and contact with, the virus is necessary. HIV is NOT that easy to contract.
2) The danger of lube extend to using the wrong TYPE of lube. Oil-based lubes (including vaseline and coconut oil) should not be used, as they can weaken the condom, causing it to break.
3) We can't answer for information posted on other sites. Condoms can be improperly used, made of non-latex permeable material, or fall off during intercourse. Major health organizations, along with expert physicians in the field, maintain that condom-protected intercourse, where the condom is used correctly and does not break, is safe sex where HIV is concerned.
Is it possible that a handful of people HAVE been infected when they believed that a condom did not fail? Sure. This would constitute a statistically insignificant number. If, say, 5 of the 40 million people living with HIV today got it while using a condom, that's a .00000000125% chance of being infected while using an intact condom. That is not a number that should concern any rational person.
Only the head needs protection. Nothing else to say other than microtears are a myth. If a condom fails it rips down the seam and is hard to take off. That didn't happen so move on back to your happy life.
3 We rely on the opinion of expert doctors, so do not pay attention to what posters have read on "many other sites" otherwise we will be here all day arguing. It is up to you to decide whether or not to accept these expert doctor's advice.