I apologize ahead of time for the long post & any grammatical errors.
On July 8th I regretfully had unprotected sex with a guy whose HIV status I am unsure of. What makes me worry even more so is partly because I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person he’s had unprotected sex with (I just found out he has a girlfriend so I’m sure if he cheated on her and didn’t use protection with me he’s most likely done that before... right?) and I’ve been having some symptoms. Fast forward to July 31 and by this time my conscience is eating me up. I notice what I think is two lymph nodes behind my right ear are kind of swollen. No pain, they’re just kinda hard like I can feel a lump and they’re not movable. I run to the clinic the same day to get tested. The Dr. asks me is there a specific reason why I want to be tested and I only told her it’s because I had sex with someone who’s HIV status I wasn’t sure of but stupidly I didn’t tell her about what I think is my lymph nodes... I think more so because I was afraid to find out if they were... So she tests me by doing a finger prick and she tests for other STDs using urine. Everything comes back clear but she explains it may be too early for the rapid HIV to pick up the virus & I was negative for other STDs too. Then August 5 I fell sick with a cold. It wasn’t nothing to knock me off my feet, I was still able to work but it what made me freak out is because it’s summer time and summer colds aren’t common that I know of. My symptoms were a sore throat, body aches, runny nose, & congestion & coughing up mucus.... and what I think is two swollen lymph nodes behind my ear. I took some DayQuil and and started taking vitamin c everyday and 3 days later it was gone but now here I am left with a dry cough that gets worse at night... and my two lymph nodes behind my right ear still feel swollen. Also my period was 6 days late and the last one was 2 days late. I am literally making myself depressed... again. (I was diagnosed as clinically depressed and I have anxiety a few months ago)... But ever since I went to the Dr all I ever do is google hiv ars / seroconversion symptoms. I feel so stupid because I told myself I wasn’t going to put myself in this position again.... Every time I have unprotected sex, anytime I get any illness or weird feeling I link it to HIV & start freaking out and spend weeks and months depressed and googling HIV symptoms until I’m tested and know for sure I don’t have it. I can’t help it it’s just one of my biggest fears. And as for why I even have unprotected sex in the first place..... I don’t know I guess if we’re going to be honest you can say I’m weak minded & have low self esteem... no self love. I know HIV isn’t diagnosed by symptoms but it’s hard for me not to link my symptoms to ARS. I guess I’m just looking for a peace of mind until I’m able to get tested again because I know you guys can’t tell me for sure. But any bit of advice is helpful. Please don’t criticize me for my careless actions though I think I’m punishing myself enough as we speak...
I forgot to mention I am a 23 years old black female living in New Orleans, La. where our HIV rate is.. upsetting. He is a straight black male from Covington, La. & I’m not sure what the HIV rates are like in that part of the state. Also we had unprotected sex before & I tested negative since then and it’s been about a year since then but I know that doesn’t mean he’s HIV -