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172023 tn?1334672284

For everyone.

I wrote this for farfromperfect, but after finishing it, I realized that maybe one or two of you might find it useful.  

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"Stop giving a disease so much power over you.  Take back your power.  

Here's a tip that a very, very old nurse gave me back when I was a nurses aide at 18 in a nursing home.  I was working in the worst area of the home, where they keep the most horrible cases, people who eat their feces, smear them, are pretty much insane all the time.  We had to feed them, dress them, and sit them in the day room every day.  After the 2nd day, I went to this nurse, crying that I hated it and couldn't do it.  She gave me this advice that has gotten me through a lot of tough times.

If you are in a situation and don't like it, ACT as if you do like it.  Try it just for a week.  She told me to go in every day with a smile on my face, hug the residents of the unit, giggle with them, and ACT as though it was the best job in the world.  To act until I could get an academy award.  I thought she was insane, but as I needed the job to get through nursing school, I tried it.

FFP, it was very hard.  But I went around acting as though I loved these people that repulsed and frightened me.  I bathed them and cared for them, and fed them as though they were my very own parents.  You know what?  After a bit, it became the truth.  I learned their names, their histories, learned that they never had family coming to see them, nothing.  We arranged birthday parties, brought our dogs and cats in to visit, and just basically started treating them with honor and respect, and joy.

What I'm asking you to do is what that nurse asked me to try.  ACT as though you are not afraid of HIV.  Do not come back here, unless it is to offer kind and supporting words to the ones who haven't come as far as you.  ACT each day confidently, as if you are not fearing "the dreadful disease".  Part of acting this way is to stop examining your body.  Pretend you are going for an academy award for NOT being afraid of this disease.  ACT as though you are confident, strong, and healthy.

For you see, my friend...when you ACT AS IF, you eventually BECOME.  I acted as if I loved those old people, and eventually I did!  Please, each day, act as if you are not afraid.  

I feel a special connection to you.  You seem salvagable.  I hate that you are giving up your power to a disease.  To a virus. THAT YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE. "
38 Responses
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Avatar universal
Thank you for your story.  I too am a victim of "worry and obsession of this virus".  But, after reading what you wrote.. Makes me now realize that I do need to stop living in fear.  Leave each day to the fullest.. I suppose we are ALL on borrowed time anyways, right?  We will all eventually pass on..with or without the virus...

That's awesome what you wrote and I plan on trying it.

Thank you.  I hope you are feeling better soon. *hugs*
Helpful - 0
172023 tn?1334672284
Normally, people are calm about these things.  Your mental state is clearly not normal.  I'm not saying that out of mean-ness or joking.  I'm concerned.  You need help right away.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i think u need help, anxiety is not good for our healt
im too depress and scare but when i getout and do something, that nightmare wwill goes away
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Avatar universal
Hey Mike Mike how's it going bro!
I see that the madness in this forum has increased since I left, and I thought that was not possible.
Kudos to you for sticking around and trying to help.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
bluebell dont go on meds, I can tell you natural ways you can control anxiety, I want to be a naturopath
Helpful - 0
229411 tn?1189755825
They tried to put me on meds a few years ago but i only took them for a few days. I dont even like to take Tylenol. I hate meds. I think I just need couseling and therapy to get to the root of my anxiety.
Helpful - 0
229411 tn?1189755825
I know, I feel sick over how I am acting but I have problems with anxiety and panic attacks that make me act like this. I am getting help if I test negative. My mom is forcing me into counseling, maybe meds.

I wish I could be like you! You have a good sense of humor about things and I bet if you had a risk for HIV you would be calm about it. I could never be like that :(
Helpful - 0
172023 tn?1334672284
No, you need it now.  

Your doctor does not understand how HIV is transmitted.  You do not get it by having a bit of vaginal fluid touch the tip of your penis.  And it is totally unecessary to wash off a condom before taking it off.  If you take it off correctly, it will not touch the tip of your penis anyway.

Helpful - 0
188761 tn?1584567620
COMMUNITY LEADER
BD,

Your doc seems to be real F'ed up in the head, it doesn't happen that way, you'd ask "why ?"

Let me tell you,
1. The virus can't survive in the atmosphere, it dies as soon as it's exposed to the air.

2. The concentration of HIV in females are high in the cervico-vaginal fluid and not the vaginal fluid, pre-*** and vaginal fluid does carry the virus but a little amount of vaginal fluid / pre-*** might never be able to transmit the virus, one needs to be exposed to a substantial amount of vaginal fluid for any risk

3. In the US, the FTM transmission is relatively low and one episode of unprotected vaginal sex is considered to be a very low risk.

4. Above all, you were protected and the pores of the condom don't let the HIV pass through it, condoms do protect.

5. Now, I want you to think rationally, if your doc's right, the first thing that you should do now is that you should call up your doc and tell him  " Four f.ucks to you", consult with an HIV specialist if you need to know any thing about HIV, don't you see what has happened to FFP, one misinterpreted info has screwed his case up, he's tested out till 5 months, no one needs to test out till 5 months, where's the problem ? Some, knowledge deficient professional suggested him to test out till 6  months, some times even professionals give out wrong info cuz either they are behind time or they just simply fake it since they just don't know about it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I just reached down and attempted to yank it off, it got stuck against my skin, so thin I proceeded to roll it off. Was that the wrong way? Maybe I've been taking them off wrong. The other girls I had no reason to be concerned. They were nice clean girls, this 1 time. I mean looking at this girl, I really wouldn't have guessed that she's as hoish as she is. Hoish may not be a word, but you get where I'm comming from.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Even my Doc told me it would be possible to touch contaminated vaginal fluid and unknowingly get it in the tip of the penis. He told me to wash the condom off before I take it off. Even though he said its a slim chance that I could get it that way, it's still a chance. I've been so nieve in my life. I just found out about herpes by comming to this site. If I knew I could get an STD just by genitals touching, I probably would have just stayed a virgin, or just date a person for a year before we did anything. I feel so stupid. When they told me I had herpes 1, I thought that person gave it to me, not realizing I had it since I was a kid. If by the grace of God I'm neg, I'm going to need some serious counseling after this whole ordeal.
Helpful - 0
172023 tn?1334672284
Everything I said in my post to bluebell goes for you, too.

I'm not saying this out of anger or sarcasm.  I truly feel sorry for the way you two are wasting your precious youths over this.

Sad, sad, sad.  


Helpful - 0
172023 tn?1334672284
You are definately not one of the ones I ever thought would understand my point.  You have many problems.  The LEAST of which is HIV.  You are giving up your power to become the person you could be, because you are so completely obsessed with a damn virus.  

You need counseling, like yesterday.  You need a therapist.  This is not normal.  Even if someone were anally raped, by an escaped convict, they would not show the severe, abnormal, life altering, overwhelming fear you are.  You ARE certainly paralyzed.  By not seeing a therapist on an emergency basis, today, you are paralyzing yourself.

You've already had a negative test at a time in which is certainly highly indicative of accuracy.  But you refuse to believe it.  You prefer to keep yourself isolated and cowering in fear.  Somehow, there is a payoff for you in behaving this way. I suggest you get help to find out why you prefer to live this way, and not live a normal life as other people do.

I feel so sorry for you, living the way you do.  You are even afraid to go into a damn drugstore and simply buy a test.  No one will bat an eye at you.  NO one cares what you buy.  What are you, 12 years old?  Do you think a store clerk gives a rats a$$ if you buy an HIV test or not?  Do you think they'll alert the media?  I don't think you need another test right now at all...I'm just making a point about your abnormal thinking.  

You are so young to mess up your life this way by not getting help.  YOU NEED HELP.





Helpful - 0
188761 tn?1584567620
COMMUNITY LEADER
BD,

If you're trying to fool around, that's a real sick joke. It's always easier said than done, you won't test positive, no one would.

You did not have a risk to begin with, your fears are irrational, I want you to think rationally for at least a moment if you ever had a risk, the reason you are still around here is you started to look out for symptoms over the internet and begun to imagine them all on your body, the mind is very powerful it can really make your body do things that you think of, I have been there, I have been through this, pull out my earlier posts you could see that I had all ******* symptoms that is associated with the virus but tested negative, I had a risk you did not, please don't **** your life and punish your self for nothing, please consider mental help, brother. I'm sure you'd be able to put this behind.
Helpful - 0
188761 tn?1584567620
COMMUNITY LEADER
What's your testing course so far ?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Blue I predict 1 of us will test Pos., and it want be you. You've already been told by a Doc you have mono. I've been told by a Doc that I'm basically healthy, which leads me to believe that whats wrong with me, I need a blood test to tell.
Helpful - 0
229411 tn?1189755825
I think I have HIV. I think I will be the one here to test positive since I had multiple exposures.

I want to help others here, but I cant help others until I can help myself, and I am helpless right now. I am paralyzed with fear.
Helpful - 0
172023 tn?1334672284
I knew there would only be a chance for one or two people to understand and "get it".  Cliff, I'm glad you are one.

Try it.  It doesn't cost anything.  You don't have to have insurance.  You don't have to tell a soul.. Act as if, and you will eventually believe it and become it.  

Look at everyone here--they are acting as if they have HIV, and sure enough, they develop all the symptoms.  They are becoming diseased with a disease they don't even have.

No one can take anyones trust or power unless you allow it.  Most of these people on the forums are freely offering it up.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
What did yoy tell them?
Helpful - 0
229411 tn?1189755825
What? You called 911?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you for the story, you are so right.....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
"I cant pretend to be ok right now. I dont sleep anymore. I get panic attacks so bad that if my hand wasnt shaking so bad I would call 911. "
I actually did this... :(
Helpful - 0
229411 tn?1189755825
ur funny
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Your story is beautiful.  Thank you on behalf of everybody for sharing it.  The words about encouraging others...yes, you are right.  That's what we all need after all.  That's, perhaps, why we all found this forum...or at least why we're still posting.  The feeling that we are not alone after all.

And now...I am going to try for that Oscar.

Again...thank you.
Helpful - 0
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