It's hard because you have probably already prepared yourself for the worst, and cannot accept any good news. This sounds like a broken record at this point, but you will just have to give it time.
Have your swollen lymph nodes in your groin been confirmed by your doctor? Or do you just think they are there? Also, if they were related to HIV, your test would have been positive.
Thing is excessive fear makes us irrational. When I first gave sample for an hiv test at 25 days all I thinking was that well average time for seroconversion is 22 days so I would be at peace if the result is negative. Then came 34, 35, 41, 54, 65 and finally 83 days test. During waiting the results of ALL THESE tests all I thought was well of that's negative then I would consider it conclusive. But to tell you the truth even after a neg at 12 weeks I am still worried.
I know it's irrational but mind says what about the symptoms? What about that pimple? That little red spot? Of my arm just itches! Oh I can feel a node in my neck......so on.
MAYBE time and time alone will heal the massive mental damage which the fear of HIV has done.
GP sent me for lymph node tests last week. I was convinced this meant I'd either been given the wrong results on purpose or given someone else's results! The HIV anxiety has ruined me, I'm now convinced it is Leukemia!
HIV specialist came in to see me at counselling today and told me that duo test at 8.5 weeks was conclusive and I didn't need to test again so I'm happy with that. For now!
You are right though, it's almost
Like I can't accept good news