Like many other worried posters here in this forum, I have my own fears regarding this disease that seems to cause havoc in the minds of so many, and mostly just need to get this off my chest. To begin, I’m a young adult Cis female with an anxiety disorder. My past behaviors include thinking I need MRIs for every headache, blood tests for every bruise, etc. Currently I am transfixed by contracting STDs, namely HIV, in a new relationship. I have tested negative for HIV twice before in my life, each time with plenty of time post-exposure and one even being an RNA test. I haven’t had sexual encounters since my last negative test until meeting my boyfriend. However, while I love my current partner he is the staunch “refuses to ever go to a doctor” type and is the kind to believe no symptoms = no problem, which I’m afraid is the reason why he thinks he’s STD free. I am terrified of him unknowingly carrying something and me catching it from him, and also don’t want to keep talking about my irrational fears, or sounding distrustful. I blame myself as this is a very loving, trusting relationship which he wants to result in marriage and children, yet I can’t relax and enjoy it. I would go get tested again but with knowing myself well, I would not believe a negative result as I would think seroconversion or transmission hasn’t occurred yet in these 4 months. This is ruining my life and a wonderful thing. I’m at war with myself and suffer from nightmares and heart palpitations as a result.
These last weeks have been difficult as I recently recovered from a rash, and also have developed a minor sore throat and body aches. In my mind, this means I’m seroconverting and my anxiety is at an all time high. What should I do? Am I freaking out over nothing? Would now be a good time to test? Am I even “at risk”? Any response is appreciated.