HIV and monogamy, am I crazy for fearing?

[littlesisterbun]

Like many other worried posters here in this forum, I have my own fears regarding this disease that seems to cause havoc in the minds of so many, and mostly just need to get this off my chest. To begin, I’m a young adult Cis female with an anxiety disorder. My past behaviors include thinking I need MRIs for every headache, blood tests for every bruise, etc. Currently I am transfixed by contracting STDs, namely HIV, in a new relationship. I have tested negative for HIV twice before in my life, each time with plenty of time post-exposure and one even being an RNA test. I haven’t had sexual encounters since my last negative test until meeting my boyfriend. However, while I love my current partner he is the staunch “refuses to ever go to a doctor” type and is the kind to believe no symptoms = no problem, which I’m afraid is the reason why he thinks he’s STD free. I am terrified of him unknowingly carrying something and me catching it from him, and also don’t want to keep talking about my irrational fears, or sounding distrustful. I blame myself as this is a very loving, trusting relationship which he wants to result in marriage and children, yet I can’t relax and enjoy it. I would go get tested again but with knowing myself well, I would not believe a negative result as I would think seroconversion or transmission hasn’t occurred yet in these 4 months. This is ruining my life and a wonderful thing. I’m at war with myself and suffer from nightmares and heart palpitations as a result.

These last weeks have been difficult as I recently recovered from a rash, and also have developed a minor sore throat and body aches. In my mind, this means I’m seroconverting and my anxiety is at an all time high. What should I do? Am I freaking out over nothing? Would now be a good time to test? Am I even “at risk”? Any response is appreciated.

[littlesisterbun]

Okay. So, getting ready to test and my partner invalidated my fears and doesn’t agree with my suggestions. A fight occurred and I don’t think this relationship will be continuing. Now, I am wondering if there is any point in testing myself at the moment, since a negative result would only speak for one month out of this relationship’s 4 months of sexual contact, and not the 3 months of activity following. I’m extremely upset and worried. Should I bother with the Oraquick I purchased or wait another month or so to get a more definitive result elsewhere?

[AnxiousNoMore]

The oraquick can be used 3 months from now, or else duo in 4 weeks if you are in a hurry.

[AnxiousNoMore]

Anyone who won't test is not a person to trust. Some people don't have symptoms, so his reasoning is incorrect. Perhaps he will test after you tell him this. A duo is conclusive after 4 weeks and any other after 3 months, btw so if you did one of those tests after your last window period then you have every reason to expect him to do the same.
You can use a condom for vaginal or anal but don't need one for oral to be protected against HIV.

[littlesisterbun]

Thanks for replying. Yes, as someone who’s tested themselves multiple times for STDs on the basis that I know being asymptotic wouldn’t make me negative, I know the fact that he’s never displayed any kind of symptom means nothing. However, part of me does feel bad for all of the accusations and based on what the CDC determines “high risk”, (MSM, intravenous drug users, multiple or anonymous sex partners etc.) I don’t think he is but of course, anyone can tell you anything or come off a certain way. I hate that I am distrusting and possibly paranoid. The passive person I am feels bad someone has to deal with my health anxiety.

I am thinking of suggesting an OraQuick test for the both of us since it wouldn’t involve a doctor’s visit or needles, would the result be conclusive based on the fact that we have been having intercourse for 4 months?

[AnxiousNoMore]

Of course. If you were both negative three months ago, then you can't be infecting each other.