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HIV anxiety ruinig my life and body

I'm having major HIV anxiety.  I'm paranoid. Ever since my first time having sex I have been living with the gripping fear of contracting HIV. No matter how fine I convince myself my sexual health is, no matter what the HIV experts tell me or what the doctors explain to me and different health journals I've read saying that my exposure is and testing shows I'm negative for HIV I can't help but to think I'm positive.  

I can't help but to notice the constant pictures,  tweets, and stories that just pop up out of no where about HIV all of sudden. I can't go anywhere without something about HIV slap in my face. I refrain from saying the word positive because I'm so afraid it may give me bad luck.

Last night I went on a social networking site and two times someone posted something about HIV. I can also recall the time I was in this same social networking site and notice everyone was paying homage to an icon that passed away due to HIV/AIDs and all of a sudden at that very moment I spotted the post a tv show said something referring to HIV. I also spotted the three letter word again on the news. I WATCH THE NEWS ALL THE TIME AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY TALK ABOUT HIV INFECTION! ! Like really the news rarely ever talk about HIV/AIDs. I keep thinking these are all signs leading up to me being positive for hiv. I keep seeing the word ' positive' everywhere today. I never seen ppl use that word so often.

I can't take anymore longer the anxiety has me destorying my hair. I have been pulling out and skippinng classes just to cope and manage with my anxiety.  I lay depressed in my bed for hours out on end. Frantically googling and searching for answers.
I'm very afraid that I may have disappointed my family. Since I am a sociology major, I try to study my behavior.  It seems as if I am  having guilt of losing my virginity unprotected and doing it in secret. Being that it was a secret I don't want it to come to the light because my parents do not know I'm having sex.

I need major help. The front part of my hair is gone due pulling out.

My exposure was unprotected vaginal sex (I'm a woman) for 10 mins. No ejaculation just pre ejaculation. I did not know my ex staus however before the act we talked about STD testing and he says he is ok. I kept pestering him about it so mucg that he has blocked me from everything and changed his number. He told me I need help.

I tested at 3 weeks negative

Tested at 5 weeks negative including for chlamydia and gonnerhea which was negative.  

I need some reassurance :(
4 Responses
Avatar universal
Duplicate Post.
Avatar universal
Hey there,

I went through the same thing that you are going through.These sign and symbols come from no where.I went through this pain for 12 weeks and was about to relax for some time then suddenly another syringe prick incident has popped up again.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-OCD-/OCD-about-hiv-syringe-prickhelp-megoing-crazy/show/2133516#post_10148260

Now again i have go through this for an another 12 weeks.I also why these thing are happening to me.I also had a first time sex earlier this year and from that moment to this particular minute i am living in a hell.
Avatar universal
Well speaking on your issues,I belive its just a panic attack or OCD or  Anxeity peaking your mind.Its is just eating you up.Your 5 week status is a very good incication of your HIV status and its unlikely to change.But people here are so cautious and stick to the CDC guidelines of 12 weeks which makes us more worried as its to long to wait.

When i went to my doctor with a 35 day negative test he said its conclusive in practical medical field.He says he never saw a person test positive with a negative 4 weeks result.(28 days with a 4th generation elisa) & 35 day(with a 3rd gen elisa) unless he has some kind of immunosuppressive issues where the immune system is severely damaged or blocked.

You have a 5 weeks negative.

Bottom line-If you have a normal/healthy immune system i am sure you 5 week test is more or less conclusive.

I know its difficult to move on(as i have been in your shoes before and still some how facing these issues) but there is no choice.When ever any sign or symbol or symotoms appear i use to go mad.Try to keep your self busy for some time(till the 12th week) and get tested after the 12 week and move on.

Iam sure it will be neagtive.:)Hope this helps..
Avatar universal
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