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Avatar universal

HIV risk? I'm scared straight and anxious

I performed oral sex on a transsexual escort. We used a condom, no fluids were exchanged, but I'm married with children and still worried. No other sexual activity took place.
I went down on him/her while covered with a condom...no other activity took place. This happened only once in my life which was last week. My oral hygiene is good though I am a cheek biter, but there were no cuts, sores in my mouth. The condom worked fine, I did not take semen into my mouth. I assume I'm being irrational, but I am freaking out because I have a family and I am a regular blood donor, which I wish to continue to help others with my O neg blood. I'm really upset and scared. Do I need to be tested? The escort said she only had safe sex, but I can't assume that to be true. I made a stupid mistake and am very distraught and anxious.
20 Responses
Avatar universal
Oral sex does not transmit hiv. You used protection and it did not fail. You did not have an exposure to hiv. Im guessing guilt of cheating on your wife, and a first homosexual experience has now got the best of you. There is no need for HIV testing, but their is a need for you to be honest eith your wife, if you want to get over this fear and anxiety.
Avatar universal
Yes, guilt is a factor here. It was a huge mistake and I am feeling the backlash of my foolishness and indiscretion. I appreciate your response and anxiety is clouding my logic.
Honestly, reading info on the internet will scare you to death. There is so much conflicting information especially regarding HIV and oral. If there are close to 2 million people in the US with HIV and over 300 million in the population, that's less than 1%.  I guess the chances of someone actually being HIV+ are small to begin with, but the media and the internet make it seem much bigger.
Avatar universal
I don't have any idea where you received your information but there is only 1.2 million people in the US living with HIV.
Avatar universal
I did say close to 2 million, but I have no idea if that is accurate. Can you educate me? I'd like to know more.
Avatar universal
About this forum.

If you believe you have been exposed to HIV and want help to judge your risk, would like advice about HIV testing, or have questions about the effectiveness of condoms or risks associated with specific sexual practices, this is the site for you.
Avatar universal
I'm sorry...I misread your note. 1.2 million...got it.
Avatar universal
It's very useful and very informative and you people are doing a great service. Thank you for that.

I've read through hundreds of posts. I don't feel I am at any risk, buy I just have to get past my anxiety to fully believe it. It's amazing how many people I see completely obsessing and I get it. I have some OCD tendencies myself.

I have an appt. with a psychiatrist to help work out this issue and my recent dive into self destructive behavior.
Avatar universal
So, bottom line...put this episode behind me, learn from my mistakes, get the help I may need, but no need for testing?

Also...after doing so much reading and not seeing a clear answer...what are the facts about transmission through oral sex?

Thanks again.
Avatar universal
No incident HIV infections among MSM who practice exclusively oral sex.
Int Conf AIDS 2004 Jul 11-16; 15:(abstract no. WePpC2072)??Balls JE, Evans JL, Dilley J, Osmond D, Shiboski S, Shiboski C, Klausner J, McFarland W, Greenspan D, Page-Shafer K?University of California, San Francisco, San Francisco, United States

Oral transmission of HIV, reality or fiction? An update
J Campo1, MA Perea1, J del Romero2, J Cano1, V Hernando2, A Bascones1
Oral Diseases (2006) 12, 219–228

AIDS: Volume 16(17) 22 November 2002 pp 2350-2352
Risk of HIV infection attributable to oral sex among men who have sex with men and in the population of men who have sex with men

Page-Shafer, Kimberlya,b; Shiboski, Caroline Hb; Osmond, Dennis Hc; Dilley, Jamesd; McFarland, Willie; Shiboski, Steve Cc; Klausner, Jeffrey De; Balls, Joycea; Greenspan, Deborahb; Greenspan
Page-Shafer K, Veugelers PJ, Moss AR, Strathdee S, Kaldor JM, van Griensven GJ. Sexual risk behavior and risk factors for HIV-1 seroconversion in homosexual men participating in the Tricontinental Seroconverter Study, 1982-1994 [published erratum appears in Am J Epidemiol 1997 15 Dec; 146(12):1076]. Am J Epidemiol 1997, 146:531-542.

Studies which show the fallacy of relying on anecdotal evidence as opposed to carefully controlled study insofar as HIV transmission risk is concerned:

Jenicek M. "Clinical Case Reporting" in Evidence-Based Medicine. Oxford: Butterworth–Heinemann; 1999:117
Saltzman SP, Stoddard AM, McCusker J, Moon MW, Mayer KH. Reliability of self-reported sexual behavior risk factors for HIV infection in homosexual men. Public Health Rep. 1987 102(6):692–697.Nov–Dec;

Catania JA, Gibson DR, Chitwood DD, Coates TJ. Methodological problems in AIDS behavioral research: influences on measurement error and participation bias in studies of sexual behavior. Psychol Bull. 1990 Nov;108(3):339–362.

There is no debate (among experts) about the HIV risks associated with oral sex. The risk is so low that almost nobody who cares for HIV infected patients has ever had a patient believed to have been infected that way. Among experts, it's a semantic issue about using terms like "no risk" and "very low risk". There is no difference between my or Dr. Hook's use of "low risk" and other experts' "no risk".

"And oral sex is basically safe sex -- completely safe with respect to HIV and although not zero risk for other STDs, the chance of infection is far lower than for unprotected vaginal or anal sex. Please educate yourself about the real risks. If you stick with oral sex and condom-protected vaginal or anal sex, you have no HIV worries and very little worry about other STDs. " DR HANSFIELD

"I am sure you can find lots of people who believe that HIV is transmitted by oral sex, but you will not find scientific data to support this unrealistic concern..." DR HOOK

"HIV is not spread by touching, masturbation, oral sex or condom protected sex."- DR. HOOK

in the public HIV Prevention forum of MedHelp, TEAK and the other moderators maintain that oral sex in all forms is a zero risk activity. Would you agree with this assessment?
"HIV is not spread by masturbation, through oral sex, through kissing or other casual contact." Dr. Hook
"The observation on thousands and thousands of observations is that HIV is not spread by oral sex (of any sort)." DR HOOK
"I would not say your risk ,if he had HIV is "slim to none"- that's too high.  I would say they are effectively zero.  How much of his ejaculate or other genital  secretions you may have swallowed makes no difference.  EWH "
"As far as HIV is concerned, there is no known risk of getting HIV from performing oral sex on an infected partner, even if that person's genital secretions get into your eyes or if you swallow." Dr.Hook
HIV is not spread by oral sex, giving or receiving, even if sores, gum disease or blood is present
The fact is that there are no cases in which HIV has been proven to be transmitted by oral sex, including fellatio..  EWH
Avatar universal
The internet can be a wonferful sorce of information. It can also be filled eith uneducated guesses, incorrect proposed dsta and just plain wrong information. You have to be careful of what you read on the net. A lot of therories are out there in terms of HIV, but half the time you will find information that is not even cited from a creditable sorce. What teak posted abouve comes from the cdc as well as the drs in the professional forum on this site with YEARS of experience in HIV and other stds. Please dont go looking for symptoms of HIV. You will find them and convince yourself you are having symptoms. Trust me. Ive been down that road. Ive had : fever, fatigue, night sweats, white spots in mouth, what I considered enlarged lymph nodes, what looked like a rash. Etc. I was convinced it was all HIV, and I had a VERY high risk exposure. I stuck myself with a needle at work eith a confirmed HIV positve patient. Anxiety got the best of me. And guess what? I recently had a six month post exposure HIV test.. Negative. You will be fine.
Avatar universal
Thanks so much.

That's scary...are you a doctor or RN? I'm glad you're ok. So, you don't think I even need to test? I figured I'd ask my psychiatrist on Thurs. since she is an MD/DO.

I do wonder if the responders on this site are qualified, or just knowledgeable, helpful folks? Believe me, I'm grateful for any support and information.
Avatar universal
The CDC info states that oral is not risk free.
"numerous studies have demonstrated that oral sex can result in the transmission of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)."

I would imagine no one wants to commit to saying risk free?
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