I've started sleeping with a new partner in the beginning of February. We don't use condoms. He isn't sleeping with anyone else--or hasn't yet--and we have an agreement that we would tell each other if something did happen, and that has held to be true. I trust him because he is a very honest person and I have no reason to doubt him. I can spot a liar when I see one because I've dated them many times. I know my behaviour seems irresponsible but it stems from some deep issues I'm trying to fix right now.
Anyway, I've unfortunately developed hypochondriasis and OCD due to a recent sexual assault so my judgement is sort of impaired in general. Which is why I've come here today.
So, my concern is this.
We have unprotected anal sex, usually we use lube. I tested after 3 months of sleeping with him, and the results were negative (I also used the p24 antigen test at the correct window period--1 to 3 weeks--during this time). I'm worried because last time we slept together he didn't use lube--for a reason that is still unbeknownst to me--and I ended up bleeding quite a bit according to him. I'm worried that he has HIV and is not telling me, and that I didn't contract it before because I didn't have enough blood contact but that I must have it now. I ended up getting tested 3 weeks after this (p24 antigen test) and my antibodies and proteins were negative--coincidentally this was about four months after we started sleeping together. This time, though, the doctor looked at me and told me that I need psychological help because I have OCD and not HIV--that was the third or fourth time I went--so that's sort of deterred me from going again...
I've been tested five times since March, and my therapists are telling me that it is not a good idea--for the sake of my mental well being-- to go get tested again because my results were negative after three months, but I truly am afraid that maybe this time might have caused me to contract it. I don't know if he's positive or not--he most probably is not...--but I've really become super paranoid since the assault.
I guess my question is whether I should consider going to get tested again in a couple of months or not. I am planning on mustering up courage to talk to him about my fears, it's just hard for me because I have an exceptionally hard time asserting myself with guys as I get very scared and let them do what they want with me so I don't get hurt.
Thank you so much in advance for any feedback. It really means so much to me.