Im tired of HIV anxiety

[Stupid_in_rio]

Hey Everyone,

Does anyone go to counseling for the fear of HIV?

If so, what is the main reason of the fear?

I am trying to decide if I should go.  I have posted on here and to the doctor; my risks are so low that I should not even be worried about it.  The same incident happen last year and it destroyed me for two months.  Now its going on again, I can't go a day with out thinking of HIV.  Am I just feeling guilt about my sexual behavior behind my girlfriends back?

I drink to much and I live a sexually active life behind my girlfriends back.  I know its wrong.  All of my sexual activities are protected except for the oral which is so extremely low risk.

On top of HIV, I worry about Cancer and Hepatitis.  All whcih relates to death.  

Mostly I am just venting right now but wondering if there are others like me.

This forum has been a great help.

[Horrified87]

Went through all the same things I've been reading about here.  Had protected sex with a CSW, and a 4-week negative test.  Guilt and anxiety tore me apart!  I'd been having every single symptom out there, it was awful.  Once I really began to relax all of the symptoms seemed to disappear.  The human brain is an amazingly powerful thing.  I realized that the more I thought about things, the worse it became.  I was creating the symptoms by simply thinking about them.  It was awful.  To everyone going through the same thing I did, keep your head up, get tested, and move on.  I realize the mistake I made, and won't ever do anything like it again.  The anxiety and guilt is not worth it!  I intend to marry my fiancee and live a faithful, guilt free life.  My advice to everyone is to try to find someone, steer clear of CSWs, and if you're going to be promiscuous, wrap it up!  The anxiety is not worth it!  Anxiety can destroy you, and quite honestly kill you.

[mac18c]

I am so glad that I found this thread, because I am going through so much anxiety and have had pretty much every symptoms in the book (separately). like today I just noticed a red slightly itchy rash on my right palm and it went away in like an hour or two. I've been dealing with mild peripheral neuropathy for a few days. Itching skin on random parts of my body... anyways! I was tested at 4 week negative. And I read that 4 week neg is a good sign but still it could turn into positive. Especially now, the more I think about it the more I believe i do... and I'm waiting on my 3-month, i was gonna do a 8 week but I thought to myself I'd still believe its not conclusive.

Anyways, thank you guys so much for your posts here, Medhelp is such a good community. and if anyone is interested, please check out my previous post and determine my risks. THANKS!

[Teak]

You haven't had a risk of contracting HIV. MOVE ON..

[deepthinker4810]

Correction above. I had only one unprotected sex (it was oral) it I gril I knew. My concerns are sex with CSw as stated im my post. I felt some testicle pain about a couple of weeks before me starting to stress out. Was a symptom of an std that was starting to show, as stated above? Any ways I understand you guys and what you are going through?

[jasonjr06]

Have the same problem.Cheated on my fiance once,unprotected and the guilt and fear is killing me.Got tested 3 months and 11 months and both negative,but the symptoms are still here

[deepthinker4810]

I know exactly the stress you guys have been going through. This takes a toll on you. Specially if you start showing "symptoms" that something is off. I myself have had only unprotected oral with a girl I knew a long time a go. The rest of the sex acts were protected sex with CSWs. I have constantly questioned on the effectiveness of condoms and whether they were used "properly," as the way everybody says they should be used. One time I just kept going after I cummed, after i couple of minutes after humping the CSW and moving inside her. I remember cumming but I don't remember filling my semen after that. What happen to it?  I pulled out. I saw the condom on me and I did not panick. The CSW got toilet paper and gentlypulled it on me. Did it have holes? Did it break? I did not see the tip of the condom? Anyways that is one example of worrying about a commercial sex worker. Although I always used condoms with them from begining to end with the CSWs, a couple of months after I started STRESSING OUT, I started checking out my penis to see if I saw anything!!! After that I saw by penis red with burn feeling on it. I have even felt urine burn, my legs hurt, and stomach burn to boot!!!! I tell myself that if it was possible to catch something then how about HIV??

[Life_is_roulette]

Whereas I sympathise with your living this life of self-loathing, I also sympathise with your delusion.  It is not your fear of STDs that makes you hate yourself.  It is your social programming.  Having protected sex with sex workers is not only 100% safe, but it is also OKAY to do it.  No-one, especially you, has the right to judge you.

If you really dislike going to sex workers, then stop doing it.  Get the appropriate religious or societal (friends/ family) help.  But, I suspect you like going to sex workers; that is why you continually do it.  So do it with conviction.  Just rubber up.

[thisisit08]

I sympathize with you, my friend....
Before my first sex encounter with a CSW, I had never had sex before.....I opted for that because I was already 22 years old, had already completed an LLB (Law Degree) and yet had never had a girlfriend....It was a desperate yet ill fated decision....
Shortly thereafter, I felt tremendous guilt and anxiety.... Moreover, I felt every single ARS symptom......
That lasted over 3 months, when I took the 12 weeks HIV test....I turned out negative...
Then, out of stupidity (and an uncontrolable rush) I went to another sex worker, and the fears (and symptoms) started all over again....
Then again, it was a 3 month emotional roller coaster which ended in yet another 12 weeks HIV negative test result.
After that, I went to another sex worker...That was on november 20, 2009.... I´m approaching the 12 week period now, which means I´ll be getting another HIV test soon....I´ve been feeling like "#$ for the past few weeks, both emotionally and physically....I fear I may have been infected this time....I don´t think you can get away with it that many times....In a way, if I turn out HIV postitive, I have it deserved for not learning from my past mistakes..........
Those were all protected sex encounters which, according to experts in this forum, poses very little to no risk...I understand that, but I also have a fear that the condoms may have not been used properly or may have failed....
I really want to move on with my life....I hope to get an HIV - test and have the strength not to fall into this vicious cycle again...It has made this past few months the most difficult ever.....I´d rather have peace of mind (and health) than the rush of a sexual experience with a complete stranger......

[Life_is_roulette]

I see that we are all in the same boat when it comes to anxiety.  This was the case for me.  Up to last year, I never had unprotected sex with anyone other than my faithful wife.  It was so programmed into me that everyone has AIDS.  And I live in Africa as well, where the racial stereotyping is even worse.  One day (a bit like when it is drummed into you not to smoke, so you become a smoker), I went to a hooker in the slums of Nairobi and had full unprotected sex with her.  Now that was high risk.  I don't know why I did it.  But I did.  And I nearly died of anxiety, nearly destroyed my marraige (I didn't tell her, but I did request we start using condoms 'because I had helped a car accident victim and had got doused in her blood' my wife was innocent of my mistake).  After 3 months, I was cleared.  I think the chances of me having got HIV from the most dangerous encounter possible was about 500:1.  That is what I hear the chances are from these online forums.  The risk is not from a one time encounter; it is from prolonged exposure.

The big problem comes now.  I got away with it.  Now I have started sexual relations with 3 different women.  All of them are unprotected.  They are not hookers, but I can't stop.  Now, I love the risk.  And I love the feel of unprotected sex.  I don't feel guilty about have 2 girlfriends and a wife.  Guilt won't stop me.  What will?  Syphillus?

[Charolette]

i have the biggest hiv anxiety. and it doesn't help that i have high anxiety about everything to begin with, not to mention i have horrible ocd.  i've had unprotected sex with someone, and asked him if he was clean and he said yes, he pulled out, but still i kno the risk is high. he is now rumored to have aids, by a guy i kno who doesn't like him b/c he's been sleeping with this kids x girlfriend. everyone tells me he's just making that up. but i can't be sure.  if he is hiv positive, does that make me garnetteed to have it? i'm absoloutely terrified to get tested.  i feel like its physcological, and if i know that i have it, it will break me down physically so easily and quickly. idk what to do, i don't have many close friends to support me, and i'm absolutely scared. i don't go a minute without thinking about it.  i like tell myself i have it and try to cope, but i can't, i want to get tested to have the reassurance that i'm okay.  but theres always that huge possiblity holding me back.

[naga]

hi everyone,
i am a student in sotland, i had drunk for the first time in my life and had protected sex with a sex worker on christmas eve, but soon after the incident i started worrying of HIV, the reason for it is 1)i didnt know wat kind of condom 2) i kissed her and she is sex worker, its 20th day today, i got fever 2 days ago which is verymuch mild, now am having a feeling of swollen lymph glands which is mild too., i am too worried and i went to get tested, sadly the NHS was closed, can anyone explain about the symptoms and the intensity of it plz

[Oracio]

Hey I'm glad to see that many of you are going through the same as me. About 2 months ago the person who seemed to be took me to a prostitue who I knew, and I never trusted. At first I did not want to go, but this guy began calling me a ***** and insulting me. Because i was drunk, I said ok. I was so drunk, and I think the condom slipped off from my penis, but I can't even remember it. Right now I've been In such horror of being infected that I start having symtoms. righ now I have a fever that does not go away, and diarrea is present. I can't sleep, and I spend the whole day worried about this, but I have towait until 3 months to have a clear answer. I hope is what some say that it is just my fear, but i just don't know.

[davemac5252]

same boat as everyone in here but i might have been on a little longer than everyone else 17 months to the day adn tested negative at 16 months. hurry up and get over it dont dwell on it like i am because i can feel myself going crazy.

[Stupid_me]

Me too.  I've had every symptom in the book (flu, aches, pains etc..).  But, had a negative test at 7 weeks that put my mind at rest for about a week!!  I've a week and a day to go until my 3 months test.  So fingers crossed.  Some of the comments from people on here have put my mind and anxiety, about my level of risk, at ease a bit.  I've had the guilt too as I cheated on my wife for the first time in 11 years of marriage.  I'll tell you that I will never ever do that again.  This has been the worst 11 weeks of my life, ever.  Anyway, good luck to everyone in the same boat.

[lexman]

I am freaking out myself people as well. And I had protected sex with an escort a week ago. I just developed all these cold, flue like symptoms few days after. And I do have a sore throat... still.
I can't even sleep anymore. Feel cold all the time, my hands are cold, I think I am loosing wait as well. I am so frustrated.

I am thinking getting this Quantitative Polymerase Chain Reaction (PCR)HIV test, it is expansive but they say can give you a 98% answer even within 72 hours after possible exposure.

What do you guys think?

[Fitt4]

never again.
still need to rid myself of this anxiety.
i just need to convince myself of the negative result at 6 weeks!

[southernguy911]

I know I learned a great deal about cheating on my girl with all this HIV anxiety around me but I got a queation.

Would you cheat again? with a sex worker or any woman?

[Perfectmax]

Hahaha... Fitt4.  I am only laughing because I can relate to your anxiety (an because I need a chuckle).  Anyway, I think your ok with a 6 week bro!  Take a 12 week only to calm your nerves.  The Doc truly stated that he has never seen anyone get tested negative in the 4-6 week and then positive later.  What makes you different?  

But... if your like me, you'll want other opinions.

[Perfectmax]

NEVER, NEVER AGAIN!!!

[southernguy911]

DITTO!!! The upside to this situation is that I'm going to be a much better husband! I just took a break from cooking to read your comments.  I don't want my wife to think I'm cheating because I have the monitor turned completely around and minimize the screen everytime she she gets within 20 feet.

I hope all works out with you guys.

[Fitt4]

i felt like i had all symptoms too - my doc said it's all anxiety -- and to chill out - does anyone recommend the 12 week test? or, am i good negative at 6 week days? it was one-time exposure for like :20?

[Fitt4]

i felt like i had all symptoms too - my doc said it's all anxiety -- and to chill out - does anyone recommend the 12 week test? or, am i good negative at 6 week days? it was one-time exposure for like :20?

[Kay-z]

iam in the same boat 2, i had a 5 week hiv test {NEG" iam goin to take the 8 week test nex week, it seems like i have every symptom,i don't kno what i can expect!

[Stupid_in_rio]

Its amazing.  There are plenty of the posts on here of heterosexual males who have cheated on their girl or wife.  Its amazing how much anxiety HIV can bring.  Last year I battled with an exposure with a sex worker in mexico unprotected with no condem who was on her period.  It was a black out drunk experience which I woke up in the middle of and stopped.  That was well over a year ago and I didnt have a girl then.  I am healthy fromt that incident, Thank God, but it created such an anxiety of HIV for me its not funny.  Now, with my most recent very low close to zero risk incident, Protected vaginal but unprotected oral with sex workers in rio; the anxiety is back but its back because of guilt issues.  I tested negative at 26 days and I am still tinking about it.  

To all the guys who have this anxiety.  Lets hang in there, the chances of getting it through oral or one time exposure are so slim according to the great doc. Lets try to move on but I know its hard.