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In love with an HIV+ guy

Hello Dr HHH,

I am a 27 year old gay male.  I dated an HIV+ guy for almost a year during which time I fell in love with him, unfortunately, I was unable to cope with the fact that he was HIV+ and we broke up.  I was tested and I am still negative, which is reassuring, however, I still love him so very much.  I have a couple questions for you:

1) What do you think about dating someone who is HIV+, do you believe that two people can be safe enough or is it just playing Russian roulette?

2) Is there any foreseeable cure or vaccine?

3) I live in Alberta, Canada where he is able to get his medication covered, i know that he is very fortunate to have his medication covered since many people in the world do not, but I can not help but wonder if the economy here goes to **** that the first thing the government would cut would be the funding for HIV medication.  Would it be possible for that to happen since the consequences would be devastating for patients currently on medication?

4) One thing that scares me is the idea of him dying.  He is only 24, he has been positive for 3 years now, he is currently on medication and he is extremely healthy and has an undetectable viral load and a high cd4 cell count.  I have heard that most people who have HIV do not die from AIDS these days, but they still say that one can hope to live for about 20 - 25 years after diagnosis.  Is this accurate or is there a good chance that he could live much longer?

5) I have read that having a low viral load decreases the risk of transmission.  He gets blood work done every two months but is possible for his viral load to greatly fluctuate between tests putting his partners at a greater risk?

I know my questions are difficult to answer, but any information you could provide would be extremely helpful.  I know that this is not the typical types of questions you get in this forum, however, it is related to HIV prevention since I am trying to prevent myself from becoming positive by making the wrong decisions.  

Thank you very much,


2 Responses
Avatar universal
You've posted in the wrong forum and most of your answers could come from your bf.
366749 tn?1544698865
When it comes to "Love", true lovers don't even care for their lives and put themselves in danger to win their love. So man, why are you that scared if you claim to be a "lover", go ahead and proceed, "live together and die together" used to be the popular slogan of real lovers.

Now coming to your questions.

1. Yes, you can keep relationship with him and still remain safe, provided you follow a specific protocol of sexual contact. If you decide to go for penetrative sex, nothing will go wrong as long as your latex does not fail. But do bear in mind that nothing is perfect and condoms have no exception, therefore you have to keep this risk into consideration because anal sex is the riskiest behavior by itself.

2. There is no cure or vaccine available for HIV as of today. Currently available medication is not cure but a survival aid, that slows down the progression of the disease very significantly and found very much helpful in reducing the rate of deaths caused by AIDS in the developed world.
Consistency, punctuality and regular follow up and monitoring is essential while the person is on such medication, for rest of his life.

3. I can not comment on priorities and policies of your Governments.

4. Yes, HIV positive people can live longer if they are careful and follow medical advices strictly.

5. Body fluids are still infectious and you must take adequate precaution, don't just relax looking at his VL counts.

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