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Avatar universal

Losing sleep :(

Hi, I'm 25 yrs, I have a long term partner who I had just recently been overseas with. The last two nights we were in Amsterdam and I made the very foolish mistake of going off on my own to a couple of gay bars. I just wanted to have a bit of fun, it was meant to be harmless but I was drinking quite a bit. I ended up open mouth kissing some guys and received unexpected oral sex. My choices and the possible consequences of my actions hit me the very next day and  I'm feeling so ashamed and I hate myself for being so selfish and despicable. I'm terrified that if I end up catching hiv, I'll have to leave him, I'm so scared of giving him something. (I haven't touched him like I could before this.) I don't want to hurt him, don't want to give him any reason to think he's the problem (he's really not). It's been just over three weeks since possible exposure and, nurses and drs I've spoken to tell me it's low risk but since that night (the next day) I've been really sick and now that the flu has gone, I still am experiencing sore throat, achy muscles on one side of my neck. I believe it's not looking good, I want to see dr again tomorrow, but I still have months to wait before I find out. I believe I had an ulcer in my mouth and possibly a tiny cut from stretching on my penis, I've told drs and nurses this but they say I'd have to be pretty unlucky. I'm scared that it's quite possible I could actually be that unlucky. Should I be worried?
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Avatar universal
Ok, hoping this is true. I didn't know anything about those guys, my mind keeps running wild about possibilities, doesn't help that I keep reading mixed info about HIV.... But I'll try to stress less. Thanks for replying, appreciate it.
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Avatar universal
Your exposures were not low risk. You had no risk at all .
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Avatar universal
If you want to leave him, you are going to have to find another way because you never had an HIV exposure.
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