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2114181 tn?1346114022

My brother was diagnosed And I Am losing my mind.

It's almost 1am, I just got home to recieve some News that will change my family's lives altogether, forever.. My 19-year-old brother, who left for the Army less than four weeks ago, found out today that he has to come back home due to being HIV positive.

I am in complete shock, and I feel terrible because as horrible as this is for me to say...I feel like I saw it coming. My brother and I are closer than I could ever begin to describe to you here, but to cut it short: he tells me everything and had confided to me before that he does not use condoms. He was engaging in a lot of drinking And casual sex before he left, I told him to slow down but I didn't stress it enough because I just felt like he was having his little fun before he shipped out and I didn't want to be a downer. There was one guy in particular that I really felt uneasy about him being with---but I didn't ******* say enough.

He's only 19. What am I supposed to do? How can I be strong for him, when I've had an "irrational" fear of HIV most my life? You see that I posted here before, not even too long ago!  And during that time I never thought about my brother, and to be honest...while he's in my thoughts now, I'm still worried deeply about myself as well.

What if I am infected also? As I posted before, I haven't had sex since January 17th, 2010 and I tested negatively via a Rapid test administered at City Hall in August 2010. So I was conclusive, right? Right? Since then I have had non intercourse, save for me giving my then boyfriend an unprotected blow job in October 2010. I know tht you guys say its no risk...but do you absolutely promise me? After finding out about my brother tonight, I literally feel like anything is possible. Why him? And do you know what, even though it was only a blow job, I never asked my ex boyfriend his status?  I am desperately afraid.

Please help me. What should I do? I don't know what to do.
17 Responses
Avatar universal
Your brother was infected because he engaged in risky behaviors (unprotected anal sex). YOU did not (oral sex). That's the sole difference. His infection has no bearing on your risk. This is just the way that your brain is processing things emotionally.
2114181 tn?1346114022
I know that the magnitude of his risk is nothing in comparison to mine---but what I guess I want to know is, was mine truly no risk AT ALL? Is it not worth testing at all? I am so afraid. Why do websites like AIDSMEDS and the CDC state there has been a few documented risks of transmission from "giving" the blowjob? And why was my brother able to ship out, and stay in basic training for four dang weeks before they found out he was positive? I am al confused. I just want it all to be okay but I don't know how Im going to make things okay for him when I'm so uneducated in this matter and dumbfounded myself? What is true, and what is not true?

I also never aske what kind of rapid test I was given those two years ago at City Hall. Can I be sure it was standard?

I'll should just stop this while I'm ahead and come back when my head is on a little tighter. I know that you guys are not psychologists. I apologize.

2114181 tn?1346114022
Avatar universal
Sorry to hear about your brother but they have routine testing in the Army so obviously this is how they found out.You had no risk at all.Just be there for him & support him through this.Hiv is manageable with the right treatments.
2114181 tn?1346114022
So I guess his antibodies had not developed when they performed the initial tests but did develop enough Just recently? Just trying to understand, because he was testing negative before I believe. He wrote me a letter just a week back saying he had completed all the lab work that they do in "Reception". Why did he just find out those results? Do they not use Rapids?

It's just so strange. I feel like I should test, just to erase all doubt and be able to be truly strong for him without worrying about myself--but I don't want to risk getting a false positive or just the fear of testing period. What I guess I want answered for me clearly is: what does it mean that oral sex is a "theoratical" risk? I have "theroized" a lot of things that have come true in the past, including this horrible diagnosis for my brother. And I just want to know that this theory that oral sex can lead to trasnmission, is not true. And I can put it out of sight. I don't want to scare my brother, I want to be ready and as pulled together as I can be when he comes home. He too knows about my long withstanding phobia of the virus---I can only imagine what he is feeling and thinking. I havent slept YET.
Avatar universal
The factors that make oral sex not a risk for HIV
proteins in the saliva
mouth is a hostile place for any disease
infection takes place inside the body
The cdc says its a risk bc they practice the policy of covering their butts
Avatar universal
Don't forget that he nedds a confirmation test to 100% confirm that he is HIV positive--that is known as a western blot test.As for your exposure you had none.The CDC has always been ultra conservative.
2114181 tn?1346114022
Thank you, I truly appreciate your feedback. Would you guys then, advise me not to test? If only to qualm some of my anxiety (I hope)?

I was reading through the AIDSMEDS boards and I see that one of the moderators often says transmission via oral is possible if you have terrible dental health. What the hell is that? My dental health is definitley bad, I havent been in a few years and Ive had inflamed gums from time to time. Jeez all these different opinions. Maybe I should test....
Avatar universal
It's your call but the test will be negative--AIDSMEDS use to say that in their earlier posts years ago,I don't think they say that now or most who answer there don't.
2114181 tn?1346114022
Thank you RainLover. Wow, I really would hope he has not been confirmed yet by WB! But I don't believe they would have told him unless they knew for sure. I am so mad I missed that phone call.

You guys have been great. I feel some relief, which is better than the full blown panic of a few hours ago. I'll keep posted on whether or not I decide to test. I would go in a few hours, but I think If I do it at all I'll wait for my good friend who I have also confided in about my brother and now she wants to go because she's been having unprotected sex as well.

My two years of abstaining just became a very permanent thing.
2114181 tn?1346114022
He was very understand about me not wanting to have sex. I just wish I would have never gave the stupid blow job, then I could sit here and worry about my brother more than my miserable self.

2114181 tn?1346114022

^^^ in only the very beginning or the article, the DR says it is a possible risk. That does it, I'm going to go....
2114181 tn?1346114022
I know. Thanks. my brothers situation just re awakended my concern. I know that you only have time to be blunt and to the point here, so I won't complain and im grateful for any response at all.

Do you think there is still a chance my brother did not  yet recieve   A western blot? They told him he was positive---so i'm assuming they no for sure, but? Is there a chance he still needs a final test?
480448 tn?1426948538
I'm sure your brother didn't get a WB yet. How would he have?  They would likely test him when he gets back to the states.  I don't know...  you'll have to ask him.  Sounds like he was awfully careless with risk taking though.

You are WAY ovethinking this because of your brtoher's situation.  You need to take a step back...allow yourself to start processing the news that your brother is likely infected.  This isn't about you now, it's about him.

michael852...you continuing to try to advise people is not a good idea.  We've went over this before, a few times.  You are making progress with your mental health issues, don't do anything to jeapordize that...like continue to hang out on an HIV forum.
2114181 tn?1346114022
You're right, Nursegirl. It is about him, and he is in Georgia right now to clarify the whole "back to the states" scenario. I believe he neglected to use condoms with his 17-year-old boyfriend (who doesn't know about his testing yet...sigh) amongst other people in the past, but it was only in the recent months before he left that he started to be deeply promiscuous.

I may add that his mother (he is really my cousin who my parents took in an raised since he was very young) lost her battle with AIDS in 2010. Just to give  you a little background on how much this disease has been a topic of discussion in my life. It makes me ache to know he has suffered the same fate. I just have to make sure that it isn't mine as well. Im sure you guys are right. <3
480448 tn?1426948538
Well, it's just doubly sad that the situation with his mother didn't have more of an impact on him for him to be responsible.  Nothing anyone can do about it now, if he is infected.  He'll have to stay up on his medical care, and with that, he will hopefully live a long life.

You can't project his issues onto your own life.  Apples and oranges.  He took chances, and as a result, now may have to face HIV.  You have not taken chances, therefore you have nothing to worry about.

No need to keep going back and forth, it's really not a topic for this forum.  Perhaps you can start a journal about it with updates as you find information out.  Best of luck to your brother.
2114181 tn?1346114022
I tested and was negative, "of course." It is very unfortunate that my brother didnt learn from his mom's passing, or even from the scares that I have had in the past. I am still confused and afraid FOR him, not OF him. But I will take your idea of journaling into consideration. At the Clinic today I learned  of some free counseling options. I intend to go and see my brother referred for treatment. I'll stay by his side. Thank you endlessly.
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