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Oral sex between two woman
Please can someone help me. About 6 months ago I had an encounter with another lady. We had oral sex - both giving and receiving. There was no blood involved, but not sure about other bodily fluids. Is this a risk for HIV infection and do you think it warrants an HIV test?
to the original poster.. most of these people or these forums dont ever post what the test results were..
Thanks for you honest advise and I'm going to try and get tested as soon as I can - just need to find out where they do it as I'm quite isolated here were I live. I'm sorry to keep going on and on about this, but I guess I keep looking for reassurance that all will be okay!
Shut up and get tested. Stop posting here until you do. You're repeating the same things over and over and over again and it obviously isn't working for you. Confessing to a bunch of worried wells is not your answer. Frankly, that's grreat that you love your husband so much or whatever but it doesn't mean anything to this forum. Get tested, tell your husband, get the F on with your life.
Thank you orientatedx3, Jaguar83 and Dumbo for your comments and reassurance - it's so nice to see there are people out there that care and are willing to share their expierences, fears and hopes. I suppose what it boils down to is probably guilt for doing it and not the HIV scare as much as I think it couldn't or shouldn't really happen. When this encounter happened ... I'd had far too much to drink, one thing lead to another and since I've never been with a woman - the fantasy was quite overwhelming and I was so naive at the moment. What kept going through my mind was that I wasn't cheating on my husband with another man and this is something I've wanted to try for a very long time and I really didn't think HIV was a concern. Hence that I never used any dental dams for oral sex. Then a week later I read that someone had contracted HIV through oral sex and my mind went into overdrive and fear. I love my husband dearly ... often wish I could turn back the clock and everytime I look at him, I feel totally desparate and sorry for what I've done. Unfortunatly he's quite the possesive type, so I'm not sure he'll take to this encounter in a happy way! I know this is something I'm going to have to work through - both the fear, guilt and love but it is so difficult when I look at him and think 'what if!'
With everything that I've read, I know it's on a theoratical risk but do you really know if there have been any documented cases of HIV transmission via oral sex between two woman? And I'm not talking about in the USA as I live in South Africa? I appreciate all your help guys and the time you take to answer all my questions.
With everything that I've read, I know it's on a theoratical risk but do you really know if there have been any documented cases of HIV transmission via oral sex between two woman? And I'm not talking about in the USA as I live in South Africa? I appreciate all your help guys and the time you take to answer all my questions.
Just get tested!!!! There is nothing wrong with what you did. You explored some fantasy with another woman. Big deal. Tell your husband, he will probably want to watch next time..... :)
I like you orientated; you are brash and to the point. And when you said getting or receiving did you mean *giving* or receiving cunni?
Hey Michelle -
I'm glad that you are sounding/feeling a bit better. I continue to think that (a) you need to get a test - purely for your own sense of well-being and further (b) you need to get a test so that you can then begin to process the anxiety/guilt you have over having been with someone other than your husband.
That's really the issue here, you know? You infringed upon that trust and now you seem stuck in a place where all of your energy is being diverted to the fear of having contracted something (that is almost impossible given what you've shared) instead of the equally difficult task of examining yourself and your own behavior and finding a way to mediate and forgive that transgression. You said that this encounter happened 6 months ago. It's time to move forward chica, get tested and then work on the deeper issues that are disturbing you regarding what happened and "why." For what it's worth it's possible your husband would be far more willing to forgive an encounter with a woman...but who knows? I'm more concerned about you forgiving yourself and getting back to your life, and your marriage and identifying any areas of that relationship that might need some heartfelt effort and examination in order for you to be more peaceful and happy.
As for the CDC stats - remember, many people who are IV drug users or engaging in other risky behaviors are not going to tend to be completely forthright on response for a multitude of reasons - fear of stigma, denial, etc. In addition, female to female sexuality is broad and encompasses many situations. Some of which are far outside of the realm of what *most* of us find enjoyable/erotic. If a partner is biting to draw blood, etc., or one of them is inserting their entire hand into the other and running the risk of tear/abrasion - well then sure, I suppose it's conceivable that they could then infect each other...but more mainstream activities between women only? I can't see that happening.
All of life contains "theoretical risks," but that doesn't mean that these things actually occur. Although I agree that sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the "maybe," and "what if?" pattern of thinking, especially where there is guilt involved (as too often there is where sexuality is concerned). I get weekly to biweekly infusions of a plasma product for the past 10 years. "Theoretically" there is a risk of HIV or Hep infection with each infusion, yet NO ONE has contracted either thing from that med since 1987. Did I worry about it? Sure. For the first few times and then I realized that "theoretical risks" are ridiculous conjectures. Every time we walk out of the house we run the risk of being hit by a car, or falling and breaking our skulls. But we don't sequester ourselves in our beds because of it.
And the likelihood of either of those things is higher than the probability of you catching AIDS by having oral sex with a woman, or me catching it from my meds.
Get tested sweetie, and move on. Do it for yourself. You deserve the peace of mind.
I'm glad that you are sounding/feeling a bit better. I continue to think that (a) you need to get a test - purely for your own sense of well-being and further (b) you need to get a test so that you can then begin to process the anxiety/guilt you have over having been with someone other than your husband.
That's really the issue here, you know? You infringed upon that trust and now you seem stuck in a place where all of your energy is being diverted to the fear of having contracted something (that is almost impossible given what you've shared) instead of the equally difficult task of examining yourself and your own behavior and finding a way to mediate and forgive that transgression. You said that this encounter happened 6 months ago. It's time to move forward chica, get tested and then work on the deeper issues that are disturbing you regarding what happened and "why." For what it's worth it's possible your husband would be far more willing to forgive an encounter with a woman...but who knows? I'm more concerned about you forgiving yourself and getting back to your life, and your marriage and identifying any areas of that relationship that might need some heartfelt effort and examination in order for you to be more peaceful and happy.
As for the CDC stats - remember, many people who are IV drug users or engaging in other risky behaviors are not going to tend to be completely forthright on response for a multitude of reasons - fear of stigma, denial, etc. In addition, female to female sexuality is broad and encompasses many situations. Some of which are far outside of the realm of what *most* of us find enjoyable/erotic. If a partner is biting to draw blood, etc., or one of them is inserting their entire hand into the other and running the risk of tear/abrasion - well then sure, I suppose it's conceivable that they could then infect each other...but more mainstream activities between women only? I can't see that happening.
All of life contains "theoretical risks," but that doesn't mean that these things actually occur. Although I agree that sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the "maybe," and "what if?" pattern of thinking, especially where there is guilt involved (as too often there is where sexuality is concerned). I get weekly to biweekly infusions of a plasma product for the past 10 years. "Theoretically" there is a risk of HIV or Hep infection with each infusion, yet NO ONE has contracted either thing from that med since 1987. Did I worry about it? Sure. For the first few times and then I realized that "theoretical risks" are ridiculous conjectures. Every time we walk out of the house we run the risk of being hit by a car, or falling and breaking our skulls. But we don't sequester ourselves in our beds because of it.
And the likelihood of either of those things is higher than the probability of you catching AIDS by having oral sex with a woman, or me catching it from my meds.
Get tested sweetie, and move on. Do it for yourself. You deserve the peace of mind.
Thank you all for your kind words, compassion and reassurance you have all shown me. It really is quite difficult when you get conflicting reports like this one saying on one hand yes it is risky and on another hand no it isn't risky like the post I received from Andy (and no it wasn't Andy Velez) He's been absolutly wonderful and has not only been very caring, but understanding man too. I know deep down, I'm probably not infected by HIV and then this creeps into my head when someone as cruel posts these comments to me. You just don't know who to believe. I know this statistics are from the USA, but what about South Africa, as that is where I'm from? I suppose the guilt is making me feel even worse and maybe I should just go and have the test done, put this all behind me as a fantasy I've lived out and enjoy my life. Rapirod, I read the fact sheet that you Jaguar83, but it also states that HIV transmission through woman is more risky if they're injecting drugs, so if I've never done anything like this before then obviously I should be okay?
This is what someone posted to me:
If you read the cdc report that the respondent links to you can see it says:
- here are no confirmed cases of female-to-female sexual transmission of HIV in the United States database
- Of the 534 (of 7,381) women who were reported to have had sex only with women, 91% also had another risk factor—typically, injection drug use. So assuming all of this - no drug injection, no blood - NO RISK?
I really do value all of your comments - helps me sleep a little easier at night and not feel too guilty when I look into my husbands eyes!
A BIG THANK YOU TO YOU ALL!
This is what someone posted to me:
If you read the cdc report that the respondent links to you can see it says:
- here are no confirmed cases of female-to-female sexual transmission of HIV in the United States database
- Of the 534 (of 7,381) women who were reported to have had sex only with women, 91% also had another risk factor—typically, injection drug use. So assuming all of this - no drug injection, no blood - NO RISK?
I really do value all of your comments - helps me sleep a little easier at night and not feel too guilty when I look into my husbands eyes!
A BIG THANK YOU TO YOU ALL!
Excuse me? Yes, of course women can get and spread HIV. That wasn't my point.
The chances of contracting HIV from getting or receiving cunnilingus is negligible - to - zero. With the exception perhaps of the mysterious "Andy" and his letter claiming doom by going down on his gf, I've never even heard of one case where a woman has gotten HIV by going down on another girl (or by having said girl perform oral on her).
Therefore, when I have sex with a woman - which (since I am a woman) always includes some combination of hand/mouth coordination and use - I don't walk around afterwards in fear of having contracted HIV.
Now...if some elaborate and unforeseeable scenario unfolded where perhaps a grenade fell on me while I had my head between a girlfriend's legs and my jaw exploded, and the bone fragments cut through her skin and she bled on my partially destroyed face...or maybe if she got her period while I was fingering her and I had just sliced my hand while cutting a bagel, well then you could be absolutely certain that I would have some serious concerns and definitely get tested at 12 weeks.
But concerns about cunnilingus or hand play with a clean partner who has no bleeding or open wounds when I have neither of those things?
No. I'm not losing sleep over it.
The chances of contracting HIV from getting or receiving cunnilingus is negligible - to - zero. With the exception perhaps of the mysterious "Andy" and his letter claiming doom by going down on his gf, I've never even heard of one case where a woman has gotten HIV by going down on another girl (or by having said girl perform oral on her).
Therefore, when I have sex with a woman - which (since I am a woman) always includes some combination of hand/mouth coordination and use - I don't walk around afterwards in fear of having contracted HIV.
Now...if some elaborate and unforeseeable scenario unfolded where perhaps a grenade fell on me while I had my head between a girlfriend's legs and my jaw exploded, and the bone fragments cut through her skin and she bled on my partially destroyed face...or maybe if she got her period while I was fingering her and I had just sliced my hand while cutting a bagel, well then you could be absolutely certain that I would have some serious concerns and definitely get tested at 12 weeks.
But concerns about cunnilingus or hand play with a clean partner who has no bleeding or open wounds when I have neither of those things?
No. I'm not losing sleep over it.
"I've never ONCE worried about contracting HIV from being with a woman. STDs? Sure. HIV, no. It simply doesn't happen.
What are you smoking? That is one big fallacy that you better get educated on. You can't be for real. I don't even believe you made such a remark.
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/women/resources/factsheets/women.htm
What are you smoking? That is one big fallacy that you better get educated on. You can't be for real. I don't even believe you made such a remark.
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/women/resources/factsheets/women.htm
PLEASE go and get a test already. Seriously. Even though there doesn't seem to be ANY medical reason for you to do so.
I'm going to say that again, there seems to be NO MEDICAL REASON TO TEST. None, zilch, nada.
However, you're investing a great deal of time, energy and anxiety in your internet search for *answers* that are being given to you over and over again, to no avail. If you were to get tested, you could let go of all of this anxiety. Imagine how wonderful that would feel and then just go DO IT.
As for the CDC, of course they are going to cover their asses. They can't very well say "absolutely NO risk," and then have 1 of a billion people turn up with it now can they? Your odds of getting hit by lightening are likely greater than your risk of getting HIV from going down on a woman.
I don't know this Andy person, have never heard of him, and yet still I think he's full of ****. Homosexuality and bisexuality may have become somewhat more acceptable in females (and likely only because heterosexual men like to watch it). However, men still get a totally raw deal and it's not a huge leap of imagination to acknowledge that people would lie to escape the stigma and risk of admitting to having sexual relationships with other men. That's why there is so much variance in all of the studies you find - self report measures are always a bit sketchy and people want to appear "good" on them, so the tendency is to deny all sorts of risky behavior.
I've had both long and short term relationships with men and women all of my life, and I've never ONCE worried about contracting HIV from being with a woman. STDs? Sure. HIV, no. It simply doesn't happen.
After having said all of that, I still do strongly believe that at this point you should be tested. For your own mental health. Just do it, Michelle, you'll feel so much better after you have *proof* that you can't vascillate over. Then you can begin to get on with your life and deal with your feelings over having been with someone other than your husband.
I'm going to say that again, there seems to be NO MEDICAL REASON TO TEST. None, zilch, nada.
However, you're investing a great deal of time, energy and anxiety in your internet search for *answers* that are being given to you over and over again, to no avail. If you were to get tested, you could let go of all of this anxiety. Imagine how wonderful that would feel and then just go DO IT.
As for the CDC, of course they are going to cover their asses. They can't very well say "absolutely NO risk," and then have 1 of a billion people turn up with it now can they? Your odds of getting hit by lightening are likely greater than your risk of getting HIV from going down on a woman.
I don't know this Andy person, have never heard of him, and yet still I think he's full of ****. Homosexuality and bisexuality may have become somewhat more acceptable in females (and likely only because heterosexual men like to watch it). However, men still get a totally raw deal and it's not a huge leap of imagination to acknowledge that people would lie to escape the stigma and risk of admitting to having sexual relationships with other men. That's why there is so much variance in all of the studies you find - self report measures are always a bit sketchy and people want to appear "good" on them, so the tendency is to deny all sorts of risky behavior.
I've had both long and short term relationships with men and women all of my life, and I've never ONCE worried about contracting HIV from being with a woman. STDs? Sure. HIV, no. It simply doesn't happen.
After having said all of that, I still do strongly believe that at this point you should be tested. For your own mental health. Just do it, Michelle, you'll feel so much better after you have *proof* that you can't vascillate over. Then you can begin to get on with your life and deal with your feelings over having been with someone other than your husband.
Who is this Andy? Andy Velez?? He says he got hiv from performingoral on a woman??
And he is giving advice to people? Of course he is lying.
Michelle,
Whoever this Andy is forget him. He is not being truthful. He has had other risks that he is not saying. And maybe, as Teak says, he may not even have HIV. It was wrong for him to write you this way and was to simply scare you. I have read many of Andy Velez's posts, he seems ok so I do not think it is him.
I am going to go read Aidsmeds and find your post there to see who this is.
That said, for God's sake you have some serious problems. This forum is doing nothing for you. GO TEST FOR GODS SAKE!!!!!! JEEZUZ.
YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV!!!!!! PERIOD!!!!!END OF DISCUSSION!!!!!
Your worry is not HIV, it is that you "cheated" on your husband. HIV only comes to mind because you care about your husband and do not want to "infect" him because of your actions, even though you could not infect him because YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV!!!!
And he is giving advice to people? Of course he is lying.
Michelle,
Whoever this Andy is forget him. He is not being truthful. He has had other risks that he is not saying. And maybe, as Teak says, he may not even have HIV. It was wrong for him to write you this way and was to simply scare you. I have read many of Andy Velez's posts, he seems ok so I do not think it is him.
I am going to go read Aidsmeds and find your post there to see who this is.
That said, for God's sake you have some serious problems. This forum is doing nothing for you. GO TEST FOR GODS SAKE!!!!!! JEEZUZ.
YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV!!!!!! PERIOD!!!!!END OF DISCUSSION!!!!!
Your worry is not HIV, it is that you "cheated" on your husband. HIV only comes to mind because you care about your husband and do not want to "infect" him because of your actions, even though you could not infect him because YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV!!!!
Thank you Teak .... I really started getting worried and thinking 'just maybe' I've contracted HIV! I'm sure they have to say that to cover all their bases. Are you in agreement with everyone else that there is absolutly nothing to worry about regarding transmission of HIV between two women - no blood involved?
That's the same thing you can read off their website, word for word. Which doesn’t tell you that the only information that they have is from peer surveys. They don't tell you about all the studies that contradict them. That’s like contact an HIV hotline those people read from books that most are even outdated. Now you can sit around and worry about this all you want. You can go collect your negative result and be done with it. It's up to you.
NOW I'M REALLY CONFUSED!! This is the report back I got from the CDC on oral sex and HIV transmission. I thought they were the experts on HIV and transmission but everyone here keeps telling me that I've got nothing to worry about. You're responses would be great!!
Thank you for contacting us with your follow-up questions.
Yes, it is possible for either partner to become infected with HIV through performing or receiving oral sex. There have been a few cases of HIV transmission from performing oral sex on a person infected with HIV. While no one knows exactly what the degree of risk is, evidence suggests that the risk is less than that of unprotected anal or vaginal sex. Please see this CDC web site about women who have sex with women and HIV http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/women/resources/factsheets/wsw.htm.
I do not have a medical background. Please see your doctor about testing. Here is a good site regarding testing: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/testing/qa.htm.
Please see our web site, www.cdcnpin.org for further information. If you have further questions, please contact the CDC Information Line by email at ***@**** or by phone at 800-232-4636.
I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.
Thank you for contacting us with your follow-up questions.
Yes, it is possible for either partner to become infected with HIV through performing or receiving oral sex. There have been a few cases of HIV transmission from performing oral sex on a person infected with HIV. While no one knows exactly what the degree of risk is, evidence suggests that the risk is less than that of unprotected anal or vaginal sex. Please see this CDC web site about women who have sex with women and HIV http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/women/resources/factsheets/wsw.htm.
I do not have a medical background. Please see your doctor about testing. Here is a good site regarding testing: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/testing/qa.htm.
Please see our web site, www.cdcnpin.org for further information. If you have further questions, please contact the CDC Information Line by email at ***@**** or by phone at 800-232-4636.
I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.
A BIG THANK YOU TEAK and I'm sorry if I kept going on about this and if I've been an absolute pain!
Will try and get through this and get on with my life.
Take care and God Bless you for all the wonderful work and advice you're giving.
Will try and get through this and get on with my life.
Take care and God Bless you for all the wonderful work and advice you're giving.
It's really sad in a way that people are not truly honest about how they actually contracted HIV .... it gives us false hope and untrue figures. He really gave me quite a scare and made me doubt everyones ability and information here on Medhelp and Aidsmeds. Basically what you're saying Teak is that there is no reason for me to pursue this matter any longer as my risk for contracting HIV from one sexual encounter with another woman is not risky at all and no need for me to test?
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