Please Help with Extreme HIV Anxiety

[Worried7134]

I'm sorry for posting again. I know at one point there was a specific HIV Anxiety forum on MedHelp, but it doesn't really seem active anymore. I have been having extreme anxiety because of a swollen submandibular gland after a low risk exposure. It is definitely swollen (not my imagination) and goes up and down throughout the day, sometimes it's slightly painful.  I've had 2 courses of different antibiotics with no change.  All I can do is cry and scour the internet trying to find some information.  I've read on reputable sites that submandibular swelling is a common symptom of acute HIV infection.  I've read studies that HIV affects submandibular function.  I can't find much other information on causes - other than blockage or infection. I think an infection is unlikely in my case since antibiotics aren't working.  And from what I understand a blockage/dysfunction can be caused by HIV, among other things. It just seems too coincidental that I would get this 3 weeks after exposure and that it would still be persisting (2 months since I first realized it, 3 months since the exposure).

My exposure included manual sex with semen making contact with a cut on my hand, and licking of genitals with possible precum getting in my mouth.  I've been told on here many times that this is no/low risk exposure.  But I can't stop thinking that maybe he had blood in his mouth when we were kissing or something, anything.  Maybe I'm someone who contracts HIV in an unconventional way.  I just can't stop thinking about this submandibular gland and how common it is for HIV to affect it.

I know a test would be conclusive at this point, but I am terrified to get tested. I am pretty young and this was only the second person I'd ever done anything sexual with. What I want most in life is to get married, but I know as a woman it would be unlikely for that to ever happen if I had HIV.

I know that I'll be told I have anxiety and that I should seek help for it.  But I have.  I've talked to counselor about this many times, but it doesn't alleviate my worrying.  It doesn't change the things I have read on the internet.  I can't find other explanations for this swollen submandibular gland and that is the only thing that would make me feel better other than a negative test.

[joggen]

You can post the same question, it won't get deleted.

[Worried7134]

Can I post this same question there? When you ask the same question in 2 forums in gets deleted.

[joggen]

Apollo and myself are still answering posts in the HIV Anxiety Support GROUP (it doesn't get as much traffic because it's a group, not a forum). If you post there one of us will answer.

Please keep in mind however that when you have more than 30 posts and multiple threads on the same topic, there comes a point where there isn't much else people can tell you on a forum that hasn't already been said.