Sounds highly suspicious for an anxious episode rather than a true HIV worry. Holes in condoms are a myth. They bust wide open. And people don't purposely infect someone with HIV that way. In fact, as long as the HEAD of your penis was covered, you were protected. This is not a risk for HIV and I'd say it may be wise to talk to someone about ongoing anxiety you suffer.
She gave me a oral sex with a condom*** with a small hole on the side