can you help me

[stark99]

I had a situation about two months ago that i just can't get past.  I went for what I thought was going to be an innocent massage.  After being massaged laying on my stomach for approx 40 mins, she told me to turn over, exposing my penis.  at this time, she ran her fingers up my balls to my penis and as I squirmed, she asked if I wanted her to finish. I declined, and after a minute or so of her massaging my legs/chest, I masturbated.  I have been very happily married for 15 years and have never come close to cheating on my wife.  I have 3 wonderful children who are my whole world. The guilt I have experienced over this is imeasurable.  After I finished, as I was getting dressed, I noticed a brown substance on the corner of the masage table that appeared to be dirt or dust, however I don't remember her getting up on the table with a shoe, etc.  I believe my guilt/paranoia has taken over and I have convinced myself, that she must have been bleeding when massaging my back and rubbed her hands on the sheet, even though i believe that this is far fetched and illogical.  After a few days of not being able to live with myself, I sat down my wife and told her what had happened.  Obviously she was taken back at what had happened, but has since forgotten about it.  Only since telling her, have I thought up the blood scenario, as I have eliminated in my mind through research other ways of me having gotten HIV.  I have always been extremely paranoid over HIV even though I have never been in any of the risk factors.  This time i am completely consumed by this and it has taken over my every thought.  I believe it has become an ODC situation.  I really can't face the thought of actually taking a test.  Could you please advise if I am at any risk based on the events I described.  Thank you.

[Edward W Hook, MD]

The likelihood of the scenario you describe is indescribably unlikely. If it happened (and there is really no way that it did), you need not worry.  Time for you to move on.  No further questions please.  EWH

[stark99]

On last question to hopefully put away my paranoia.  If i didn't realize it for a second, and it was really her tongue on me for a second when i squirmed and not her hand(almost positive this was not the case), but immediatley pulled away, am i at risk?

[stark99]

Thank you.  I have my life back.

[Edward W Hook, MD]

I think you are over reacting.  The chances that what you saw was blood are tiny.  If it was blood, it sounds as though it was not fresh.  Further, blood or not, the probability that this woman had HIV or other blood borne infection is tiny.  Lastly and perhaps most importantly, no one has EVER gotten HIV through contact of the sort you (hypothetically) describe.  You will not be the first.  

Bottom line.  You have nothing to worry about and do not need testing.  Forget this and move on.  EWH