formerly stabbedintheback, but forgot my password

[backstabbed05]

I wonder how many others out there have literally let their lives be consumed by worry like I have mine.  Its crazy to think that one decision that at the time, all is well, could amount to this later.  I have nightmares every night, that every gland in my body swells up, and that I have a fever of 104, never 103 or 105, but 104.  In my nightmares I have to tell my new boyfriend, who I have not been sexually active and will not be until I get an eight week negative test, about having HIV and the look on his face is enough to wake me up.  Ive honestly read every single thread on this website about oral sex-EVERY SINGLE ONE.  the ones in the HIV forum, the ones in the STD forum, every single one.  I followed the directions of Dr HHH and my own doctor, and started my testing at 5 weeks.  ~94, ~95% reliable they both told me. My chances of testing negative after that kind of test are 1 in the millions.  Why are two random glands on one side of my neck swollen?? Why did I break out in hives on my face for those four days? why did this all happen 3-5 weeks after my exposure?  Why can't I take into account the things in my favor?

1.  negative test at five weeks
2.  negative test almost two weeks after ars symptoms, which more than one website I have come across says that if they were true ars symptoms, I would have tested positive.
3.  only TWO swollen glands on ONE part of my body.. wouldnt they be on the other side of my neck? Wouldnt they be very noticeable and abnormal if they were due to HIV?
4.  my encounter was with a heterosexual guy who claims to have been tested and before we messed around made sure I had been and that I use protection.

anxiety has literally overtaken my life, I cant wait till this thursday to go get my eight week test done. If Im negative after that, and still having anxiety. Im going to get help. I can't live like this anymore.

[reassurance]

I have been living in anxiety for 5 months. Maybe my whole life before that but for different reasons.
However, things do get better, and youre negative results whether you trust them or not as well as your HIV fear tend to fade with time.

[stonjambo]

you already know your problem. anxiety. i see no way you can turn pos now, after seeing all the info you have posted. i understand the fears well cos i am also living it every day.