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Avatar universal

hiv from frottage in shower?

Hi there. First time poster here.
I know the question about gay frottage has been asked numerous times on these forums and everytime it is zero risk. However I would like to ask your oppion on my exposure as my anxiety is through the roof. I suffer from anxiety anyway but have not been sleeping for the past couple of weeks and really taking a toll on my body and work. I understand that many people who ask on similar exposures is to get some peace of mind after trawning through the Internet for hours every day.  I am probably trying achieve the same thing so I will apologise in advance for this.and have avoided asking a question until now as my anxiety is unbearable.

I am very unexperienced and would call myself a bi curious male. A couple of weeks ago I met up with a guy from a dating site. I wanted to experience some things for the first time but was very nervous. I asked him his status and said he had a hiv test after his last relationship and was negative. He had engaged in unprotected top anal sex with his previous boyfriend. However he seemed to have no idea about window periods for testing. Which concerned me to a degree. But wasn't planning any penetration so wasnt overly anxious.  We decided to take a shower together where my back was facing him. He washed me and massaged my anus  with what I thought was his finger which was fine. However when I looked around it was actually his penis  against my anus. I pulled away fairly annoyed. He said he didn't penetrate me at all. I asked him 3-4 times. I have never been penetrated before but I feel like the tip of his penis might of gone inside. As I thought at the time it may of been the tip of his finger. My anus had shower gel on it and his penis aswell and I was surprisingly relaxed.  Could his penis of slipped in shallow for  a brief time ?  I didn't feel any pain or much discomfort. But after the experience ended I keep asking did he penetrate or not? I know the guilt and everything  else doesn't help and working out my sexuality has made things more confusing.  Is it a fine line between frottage and penetration or would you definatley know the sort of penetration to cause hiv? A week later I slept with my gf unprotected. 5-6 days later she came down with a really bad flu and sore throat which she had to take 4 days off work and go to doctors which she got told it was flu with a throat infection. I am now worried sick that I have given her hiv and amplified my my original anxiety 10 fold . I have asked the guy since my exposure if he penetrated and he said definitely not. But my mind keeps playing tricks and keep thinking scenarios of what may or may not have happened.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated by Teek and others.
2 Responses
Avatar universal
You would definitely know if you were penetrated.you don't need to be fully penetrated past the sphincter to call it an exposure , If his penis had gone into your anus, you've had a risk and need to test. I'm sure you're pretty well aware of the testing period and recommendations. If there was no penetration, your risk doesn't exist.

Hiv isn't diagnosed by symptoms, the only way is to test. If you truly cannot remember, I suggest you to test and stop having unprotected sex with anyone until your test results are out. Better to know than to live in fear and uncertainty. Be well
Thanks for the response mat. I suppose I'm unclear what exactly penetration is. Like I said I felt no pain or discomfort . I'm just confused
Avatar universal
"5-6 days later she came down with a really bad flu and sore throat which she .. " - First of all, ARS symptoms do not usually appear this soon. So, in all likelihood, what your girlfriend experienced was just a common flu.

I can understand that you are now unable to tell for sure if there was a penetration or not. Dude, you would have known if he had actually penetrated you. Getting an erect penis inside is very different from just getting a finger inside. You would certainly have known the difference. This is just your mind playing a trick on you.

Now think of it this way. In order for you to get HIV, the other guy should have been HIV +ve, the probability for which is very low. Secondly, he should have penetrated you. Which, am sure never happened. Even if he did, the probability that you will get it from a single exposure is fairly low. So, the odds are largely in your favour.

Don't worry. Anxiety can cause a lot of symptoms and this might lead to further anxiety. Just relax. For peace of mind, you can get tested at the 90 day mark.  
Arun really appreciate the response. My mind must be playing tricks on me. Having never had anal for sure I must of know or not.? I just keep asking what if? With the shower gel it slippped in a bit.Because I had so much anxiety that week with worry. My gf coming down with flu when she's not normally Ill just completely put me into a state of panic. And your right I think the anxiety and lack of sleep I'm having is making me ill. Thanks for taking the time to respond.
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