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me positive wife negative

My wife is pregnant. They tested her blood for HIV, and other diseases like they do when you are pregnant. She was negative for HIV, but positive for gonorreah. I went today to the health department to get tested for any and all stds. They gave me a 20min HIV swab test that came back positive. I have been exposed to dangerous sexual encounters, but find it weird that her blood test is negative and my swab test is positive. They took more blood to send off, but in the meantime my heart is racing. The tests are about 2 weeks apart and I havent had any encounters in months.  I would appreciate some opinions please. Im scared, but in a way feel like tje blood test she took should reflect my results. My wife and I are sexually active together, and she is faithful. I am the douche bag, that doesnt think I could live with myself if this is in fact a positive result. I have two kids and one on the way. Im stupid.
16 Responses
Avatar universal
What were your dangerous encounters?
Avatar universal
Intercourse, oral, and anal with paid professionals, if you catch my drift. My shame is heavy, so please don't judge. I know I don't deserve my wife or family, but they don't deserve this.
Avatar universal
Nobody's judging. I wanted to know so I can give you accurate info. You have a preliminary positive. A western blot test is needed to confirm that. Hiv is no longer a death sentence. The treatments and medications today allow people to live long productive lives.
Avatar universal
My last encounter wasn't plenty of time if it was over 5 months ago for her to test positive? We have had sex many times since then. How long does it take to show in her? I don't think I could handle being responsible for this, infecting my wife and an innocent unborn child. I can't live with that burden.
Avatar universal
It needs to be 3 months since her last exposure with you to be accurate. You can have her take a duo test which checks for antibodies and the p24 antigen at 4weeks which will give you a good indication of her status. But in order to have conclusive results it has to be three months.
Avatar universal
WAIT just a MINUTE, hold the phone. KEY piece of information is missing from this thread. Was your anal intercourse with paid professionals PROTECTED or UNPROTECTED?? You are in the United States, so it would be unusual for a CSW to engage in unprotected vaginal or anal sex as most know the risks of HIV infection, but this is something that you need to clarify if we are to properly advise you.
Avatar universal
What is a CSW? And to answer it was both. We became somewhat close and the fee was waived for me.
480448 tn?1426948538
"commercial sex worker"

If you had unprotected vaginal or anal sex, then you had a risk.  Oral is not a risk, nor is anything else.

Like the others have said, even if you WERE infected and slept with your wife, infection isn't guaranteed.  She will need to test to 3 months post your last episode of unprotected sex to be conclusively negative.

Did she know about the cheating prior to this HIV scare?  If not, I would imagine she's not in a good place.  I would highly recommend you giving her some space.  She's going to be very scared, both for herself, and for the baby.
Avatar universal
Commercial Sex Worker

It is still more likely that your CSW partner was HIV negative.

It can take years for a partner of a HIV positive spouse to catch HIV, so if you have it it's far from guaranteed that you passed it on (more likely not). Just follow up with the WB. If you do indeed have HIV, your wife will need to test 3 months after your last unprotected sex with her.
Avatar universal
I came clean to a counselor about my affair and was told not to tell her. I did anyhow, but not long ago. She is in a bad place, but has said she will remain with me no matter what. I don't deserve such an angel. My life has been a train wreck from birth. My dad spent most of my life in prison, my step dad raped me repeatedly, I left home at 14, I spent most of my life drugged up, and then I found her and finally built a life. I still didn't stop screwing up though. I had it all, even after the hell I went through from others, I couldn't appreciate and respect her. I don't deserve her and my kids don't need a person like me around. I can't live with this guilt if I am positive and gave it to her. I will end this book and burn in hell. That's what I deserve.
Avatar universal
We can only encourage you to continue to work with your counselor as you try to navigate this...see if you can see him or her on their most frequent schedule so you have some support going through this We are not a mental help service, but I can say that judging yourself the way you are is not productive for anyone. You need to take things one step at a time and let the situation work itself out by the testing process.

Is there a possibility that you can get your CSW partner tested?

Avatar universal
It will be very difficult to do. I have lost all contact by choice, and made a scene to get my point across that I couldn't do it anymore. It was killing me inside. I'm just scared. Very scared and very confused. I know so little about this. All i can do is wait. Im hoping for a false positive, but that is rare.
Avatar universal
The key thing to focus on is that you are not diagnosed HIV positive at this point in time. False positives do occur (I've been on HIV forums for 5 years and have seen plenty) so it is a possibility. I think your next step should be to try to get in and talk with your counselor- you should not have to go through this alone.
Avatar universal
Well, I got my results today. I am positive with HIV. I feel different than I thought i would. Its not the end-all dooms day I expected. I havent had time to tell my wife, but will tomorrow when we can sit down and talk. One thing thats funny about this is I might have had another risk factor right here under my nose. My wife. She had gonnareah (cant spell it), but i tested negative for that. My counselor seems to think there might be something else going on here, as does my doctor. Im not sure, and believe that she wouldnt have cheated on me. But this makes me question that a little. I have my first appointment next week.
Avatar universal
I never had, or even have now, any symptoms. Get tested. Don't stress over not knowing until you give a blood sample. Only then will your stress be met with answers. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Today the sky seemed more blue. Trivial problems vanished. I hugged my kids tighter, and looked in their eyes and told them I loved them. The things I took for granted came to the forefront of my life. Yes, I cried. I cried over my mistakes, and over what might be down the road. But, I realized that what's done is done. I'm putting my face back in the wind. I'm going to live the rest of this gift of life how I should have from the start. My life didn't end today. Today, my life began.
Avatar universal
Dear caseyt79 ;

as you said Today, your life began. Dont worry and don't think of it at all. live your life normal as before with more peace and love to your family. I'm sure you will be fine.

keep in touch with  Teak i'm sure he will help you a lot.

with respect
Sms180
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