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[lessionlearned]

Long story short, I am white, hetrosexual female 26 years old. I dated a man for 3 years and always used protection. We married in 2009. After marriage I went on BC pills and no longer used condoms with my husband. Last unprotected sex was 1/29/10. On Feb 3rd I found out he cheated on me with two different females(unprotected vag and anal) Funny enough my yearly PE was on Feb 5th so while at the Dr. I had a pap, HIV and STD tests after telling the Dr. what happened. Eveything thankfully was negative, but i was advised to do another HIV 3 months post exposure. By Feb 8th I filed for Divorce, and kindly placed his crap on the front lawn. I continued to try to live my life, however my every thought became consumed with hiv. I spent countless hours online searching for anything and everything hiv related. I started to notice symptoms like fever 100.2, headache, white spots in mouth, red spots on chest, swollen lymph nodes, just to name a few. I think everytime i read a Sx of Hiv i develped it, or at least i thought i did. So finally 4/20/10 comes and I had another hiv test (done in lab, i assume Elisa) and it was negative. I was THRILLED!!!...for about two days. until i realized that I had tested at 82 days. 2 days shy of 3 months. and I freaked. I convinced myself that those 48 hours were going to make a difference and that my test was not accurate. I went back to the Dr. and asked him and he told me that I had nothig to worry about, the test is conclusive. again i was happy for a few days. but I could not let it go. I also was diagnosed with severe hyperthyroidism and had radioactive iodine pill to destroy my thyroid on 1/2/10. I read that having an autoimmune disease may delay HIV antibodies from producing, so this also fueled my thoughts. My every thought was about Hiv, at some points i began to live as a positve person. I became very depressed and had anxiety over everything. I swear to you everywhere I went All I would see was stuff about HIv. If i walked in and turned the Tv on it would be an Aids prevention commercial, or a bill board driving down the road. Anything. I just thought it was a sign. I lived like this for many months. Finally on Dec 3rd 2010, I went back to the Dr and completely broke down to him about all my fears, anxiety, depression, everything. He was sure I was negative and i was positve i was postive. (no pun intended). He wanted to do another HIV 1 HIV 2 test. This was done on a friday afternoon. He even told me "im not doing this test because i think its postive. Im doing this test becaue nothing i say will make this better for you, until you see a negative result". I left feeling good about having talked to someone who understood my irrational fears. However that weekend was hell. I had crazy dreams about being postive, I watched the clock continously and anxiously awaited monday for the Dr.'s office to call. By monday they called and aked me to come in to talk to the Dr. I remember dropping the phone and having an anxiety attack in my kitchen. I was sure that it was postive. Why else would i have to come in?? I remember driving to the Dr, and not really even remembering the drive there. I finally went in and was put in one of the exam rooms for about 3 min until the Dr. came in. He walked in and said relax, its negative. I wanted you hear because i want to explain and show you that there is no way a person who is HIV postive would still have a negative HIV 1/2 test at 11 months post exposure. also i wanted to refer you to a therapist to help deal with anxiety etc. I have been in therapy for almost 1 month now. and I realize that I do have some irrational fears, that even tho i was put at risk, my anxiety was more from a cheating husband, a divorce, and starting over than it was about HIV. I feel better now, but somedays still feel doomed.  so please everyone reading this, if i can offer any advice it would be this: always use protection, ask about status before anything happens, listen to results, do not relay on symptoms, stop searching the net and remember sex lasts minutes, HIV lasts a lifetime. God bless and thanks for reading.

[lessionlearned]

Sorry, I am new here and still learning the how to's of this site.

[LIZZIE LOU]

NO reason to DOUBLE post this !