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Avatar universal

unfaithful boyfriend...scared of hiv.

I'm a 21 year old  female college student, who was dating a 23 year old male. I came home for Thanksgiving break and had unprotected vaginal  sex with my boyfriend and I also gave him oral sex. Both acts resulted with no ejaculation. The next day we didn't have sex but heavily made out. Approximately 5 days after I became very ill,  fever,  tonsils were  red and swollen and developed white patches,  and I just had a general feeling of malaise. I went to the doctor and was tested for strep, but it came back negative. The doctor told me it looked like I had a viral infection but prescribed zpack just in case it was strep. After two days on the zpack I felt better, but  I was still very fatigued. About 3 weeks later I came back home for Christmas break and also had unprotected vaginal and oral sex with my boyfriend with no ejaculation. Right after performing oral sex on him, I noticed the roof of my mouth had little red  painless bumps on it, I was very scared after this but after a few days it disappeared. It was after that encounter my boyfriend told me he was unfaithful while I was away. I am very worried about my risks for hiv, he is the only person I have been with sexually. Should I be worried about HIV?  
13 Responses
366749 tn?1544698865
COMMUNITY LEADER
Although I am a male but very honest in saying that most of the cases cheating and exhibiting unfaithful attitude is from males, by and large, females prefer to remain monogamous, unless there are some specific reasons for them to go for more than one partners.

Trust and love being the prime drivers for a female to share her privacy with a male lead her to an "unprotected intimacy", because she already felt "protected" and "secured" with the man of her choice.

I would very humbly request females in particular that unprotected sex be avoided even with your boy friends because in a single such event, chances of contracting HIV are higher for them, compared to their male counter parts. Unprotected sex should always be between mutually committed monogamous partners.

Since you were told by your boy friend that he was unfaithful, his status is now questionable on account of HIV and STD. With more than one oral and vaginal exposures, I think you are at a certain level of risk, though not extremely high, because you are not sexually active and he was the only man you came in contact with.

What I would suggest you to wait and get yourself tested after 12/13 weeks mark Meanwhile, refrain from further unprotected "endeavors". Always remember, the best friend of a girl is not his boy friend but a "latex" condom.


Avatar universal
If you are unaware of your boyfriend's HIV status, your actions do warrent HIV testing at the 3 month mark (primarily for unprotected vaginal sex and secondarily for unprotected oral sex - though oral sex is considerably less risky than intercourse). As for your sore throat, the fact that it manifested so rapidly after oral sex points less to HIV and more for some kind of every day viral infection or potential baterial infection. Antibiotics will only be effective for bacterial infections. If the strep test was negative, you either have some garden variety viral infection, or you could be suffering from potential oral infection of gonorrhea. Did you inform your doctor that you engaged in oral sex? If so, he should have run a gonorrhea culture in addition to the strep swab. A number of those who engage in oral sex report issues with sore throats. Whether a man has an STD or not, the penis isn't exactly a germ free organ. Oral sex places the penis in excellent proximity to the back of the throat and tonsils where tissues are most vunerable to infection. There could be e.coli or other normal bacteria from his penis that may have infected your tonsils and the zpack did its job.

Your best course of action, now that you found out your boyfriend was unfaithful, is to request him to go in for a standard STD and HIV screening. This will help to eliminate the guess work for what you should be testing for. If he is unwilling, I would suggest you start preparing for a battery of STD tests yourself. Unprotected oral and unprotected vaginal sex puts you at risk for nearly anything.

It sounds daunting, but its really not. You can effectively manage your situation and take control over your sexual health. You can do this.
Avatar universal
Hi, Anastasia.

I sympathize with you.  I had an ex who called me almost 3 months after our last sexual relationship to tell me he was diagnosed positive.  I went and got tested immediately but mentally, I was nothing but ruined.  I am still trying to get over the shock for I have a bright future ahead of me in a doctorate program, etc.

Luckily, I was negative and my area was being piloted for the NAAT test.  If you are anywhere near a university test site, I strongly suggest you look into that.  It will help relieve your anxiety.

I was able to get both antibody and NAAT but was still jittery.  As for the ex, I had to file a restraining order in court due to him calling me anywhere from 40-60 times a day claiming his hiv status was my fault (he stated that he had a tough time getting over the breakup and had unsafe sex and therefore, it is my fault).

The betrayal from your boyfriend will hurt a lot but you need to take care of yourself and get tested.

Hugs!
Avatar universal
     I wish you all the best and really hope you are free of any hook ! Unfortunately I cannot say it was a not risky activity ( i can get the unprotected oral, but is really a very bad decision to go for unprotected vaginal).
    Your odds seam still good, but the fact that you should test for every STD is not excluded. Both diver and brianbear are right. You should not trust your bf and even husband! many frightened people come seek for help for cheating on wife/gf with a CSW.
You're pass over the heart break in no time, but an HIV/HBV/HCV is hard to forget.

    Odds in your favor: non-ejac unprotected. Less risky, but still chance of infection. You did not have ARS : fever,rush,lymph nodes.
    Maybe you convince him to test with you and you'll be off the hook for window period.

    May God bless you ! We'll be waiting for you to post your negative!
Avatar universal
no test for you,unpotected sex intercourse is a risk,in fact,if you had it with your bf,it's theory,in my opinion,any test for you is a waste,your expose never put at any risk,move on.
186166 tn?1385262982
what the heck did you just say?????
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