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waiting test results...am terrified

Hi, I'm waiting for test results and I'm terrified....I'm a gay male and always the insertive partner (or 'top'). Last year, I had unprotected sex twice.   The first time, I performed oral and and anal.... i did use a condom, but it broke wide open and I did ejaculate inside. I pulled out fast and noticed that the condom was totally broken....The second time, was very very quick...I only inserted for about a minute maybe two...I didn't ejaculate inside and on both times, never noticed any blood or sores on my penis.  I know this was sooooo stupid, and trust me...I willl NEVER do that again, but over the past year I've been going through some stuff.....The last time I tested negative was about 4 months before the first time I had unprotected sex and I know I didn't engage in any risky behavior before then.

About a month after the second time I had unprotected sex, I had an abscess in my tooth looked at (which I had for a long time), dentist prescribed Clindamycin, warned me that it can cause diahrrea(D), and it did on the first day....After I finished the course of Clinda, I still had D, and two weeks later I got it checked out...Doc said it was C diff, and prescribed me Vancomycin.  It worked instantly as the D stopped.  I was able to go about my life like normal while I was on the medication, was working out regularly, and felt fine.  But I did notice that D would come back after I stopped (people have called it c diff relapse).  To make a long story short, I had D or was on medication for D, for six months.  Throughout that time, I felt fine. No fevers, no thrush in mouth or face, no red spots on skin.. sleeping fine.....During that time I gained 20lbs from working out and over the past year I gained 35lbs in total (ok I eat a very poor diet, lots of fast food, sugar and ice cream) finally D stopped and was on probiotics for 4 months until I could afford to get a colonoscopy/endoscopy...Procedures tested all ok except for finding H Pylori...which is an another infection....I'm currently on the medication for H Pylori and although have had no D, I do go more often.  

For full disclosure about me, I smoke a pack and a half a day, eat a poor diet, get about 5-6.5 hours a sleep at night...I don't drink alcohol or do any drugs.  My job is very stressful and my home life has also been VERY stressful, due to the bad economy and constantly thinking I'm HIV+...I understand that stress can wreak havoc on the body and magnify any symptom; That a poor diet (ice cream, fast food, a lot of sugar-high calories) can affect digestive function and prevent a good balance of healthy bacteria, especially with C diff and H pylori; that smoking can lead to feeling tired and out of breath...I understand that people get H Pylori and C diff all the time without being HIV+, but I can't help think about what if??  I can 't believe I was soo stupid!

I'm sorry for the long post but wanted to be specific, thanks a lot and maybe there are some encouraging words out of all this....take care
1 Responses
1163575 tn?1339482217
the only way to know your status is to test..symptoms dont and cant diagnose hiv..if you read this forum thoroughly, people come here with alot of different symptoms and still test negative for hiv..
so dont worry as not every person has got hiv plus your exposure both times was as a insertive partner(lower risk) and for short duration each time(lower risk)..
a test at 3 months post your last unprotected exposure would be conclusive
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