End stage CHF

[pete3005]

Hello, my Dad has been in chronic heart failure for the last 2 years. This year he has gone down quite a lot. He is now suffering from confusion, a general subtle confusion and also episodes of severe confusion where he can not remember who he is or where he is. Dad has been in hospital several times for fluid retention. Last week he lit a cigarette while using his oxygen, it exploded and burnt his face and almost started a house fire.
My Dad is going to the local community hospital for what the doctor said is Pallative care, he is now very weak and quite agitated. What will they do to help him, what can they do? He is already on morphine sulphate and ora-morph for pain. I feel we are now at the end times and feel helpless as to what we can do. I just wish his quality of life hadn't gone down so much, it is painful to see and so sad since he is only 66, probably won't make 67 (June 30th).
My brother has done an amazing job and keeping him at home and keeping him as happy as possible, I live 230 miles away so I am not there as much as I should have been. For anyone young reading this, keep your weight down, exercise and eat healthy, if you don't the consequences are disturbing.

Peace to you all :)

[maxine07]

It is now July and I'm wondering if your dad is still going.  I'm so sorry you have to go through this but it sounds like you have a very mature attitude.  We truly all will go through this and it's by losing our grandparents and parents that we learn how to deal with ultimate loss if we are lucky enough not to have faced it suddenly.  I found it interesting that these men appeared to be self-centered.  Seems like it goes along with the process.  My husband is 66 and has Diabetes with CHF.  He's finding it difficult to do anything and the hot weather now is miserable for him.  He also has lived a very self-centered life yet has been very kind and easy to get along with - as long as we do what he wants!  I am trying to help him do whatever he can that will make his life have some quality and trying not to feel guilty for not making him adhere to diets, exercise, etc.  He simply wouldn't comply.  "If I'm going to die then I'll be in good company - now let me have that piece of pie".  The biggest problem I have is with medical providers not being on the same page. One tells me that he is doing fine and just needs to rest (he is only sitting in his recliner watching TV anyway) and the other tells me that he should be seeing specialists.  Lord, I'm the one caring for him and there are no specialists for stubborness.  Thanks for listening.  Hope things are OK for you.

[ireneo]

I know it's rough to see all this happening yet I was tickled by some of the similarities. My Dad also has his favorite chair. He prefers to sleep there than in his bed. I suppose it's easier to breathe when he's more upright. But he has it all padded out with fat blankets and it's his little nest. He also spends a lot of time with the TV on. He probably sleeps through most of it but it makes him happy. He was also very self-centered. When we took our kids over to visit he just didn't know how to interact with them. If we went out, he wanted to go where he wanted and the rest of us just tagged along. I could hold that against him and resent it but I'd rather not. He's older, he's dying and he's scared. I'm not going to punish him for what's in the past. It can't be changed but I can make memories with him now. At least I'll have that when he's gone. You can't push your sister and brother to visit him but talk to them, encourage them to let go of the past and be there for him. Then they won't have regrets after he's gone and it's too late. It's never too late to love someone, whether they "deserve" it or not.

[pete3005]

Thanks for the kind comments. I am going back down to see my Dad in about 5 days so I'll have another week with him to help out and try to make his hospital stay as nice as possible. He doesn't sleep in a bed, he likes to sleep in his reclining chair so we are going to get that into the hospital for him along with a portable LCD TV, DVD player and whatever else might help to pass the time when he is able to concentrate. With my Dad being 66 he is far from an old man, yet his body is, its not an easy situation.
My nieces, his grand daughters will visit, unfortunately my Dad has never been interested in anyone apart from himself so he has missed out on what is now a big family from my sister who has 4 children and 3 grand children. Its all very sad really since we all left home at 16 and my Dad didn't want to know us until he was ill a few years ago.
My twin brother and I are as caring and helpful as if he had been the devoted father, unfortunately my sister and older brother refuse to even visit but his grand children (my sisters children) are wanting to see him which is very nice indeed so hopefully that will happen this week.
I do realise this comes to us all and we are all in the same boat with ill parents, its just very sad my Dad is so young, 66 is no age to be like this but there is little anyone can do I suppose apart from make him as comfortable and as happy as is possible during his final weeks or months.

[ireneo]

Unfortunately, you and I are in the same boat. My Dad (78) has had 4 heart attacks and is now in end stage heart failure. They expected that he might have 6 months left and that was back in Nov. He does have an ICD but the battery was pretty low back then and it was too invasive to change it. So it's a matter of time and guesswork as to which will go first. He also gets confused, sleeps a lot, has no appetite - is down to 110 lbs now. Part of it is the meds that he takes for comfort and part is just the dying process. He's fortunate to have hospice care at home. My Mom watches over him and my husband and I go over every week to take care of errands. Also, she can call us anytime things seem a bit off. I'm an only child but fortunately they live nearby now. It's hard to watch but I've had a few months to accept the inevitable. Today was a good day for him - he was awake and alert and we had a good visit. I just take the good moments and hang on to them. Long distance? Either you can go for a visit if you feel time is getting close or at least call as often as you can. Send funny cards. Send pictures. Whatever you can to stay in touch. I'm so sorry. This is rough but we all have to face it some time in our life. Hang in there, make memories, relive old ones and just love him.

[tanns]

God Bless you and your family, I will keep you in my prayers