Personality change after heart surgery

Question

My husband had a major heart attack in Oct 2008 spent 45 days in CCU coded 3 times but by the grace of God and wondeful doctors and staff he survived. Now his personality has changed almost 360 degrees. He is 62 we have been married 9 yrs -- last Oct her had an affiar with a 33yr old asked for a divorce. Gave me divorce papers on my birthday -- just hurtful things that were so out of character for him. Thanksgiving he decides he has made a mistake wants a second chance. Now here it is April and we are back to the same thing he says he is not happy but doesn't know why. He says hurtful things but then says he doesn't remember saying them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Gin650 · Answer

I can sympathize completely! I've been married for 37 years. The first 20 years were wonderful, we got along great and were best friends. Then at age 37 he had a heart attack, and at age 40 he had a 5-way by-pass. My husband literally went in one person and came out another. He went from a loving, easy going guy to an abusive monster. I noticed the change in him right away, his eyes looked different, kind of void and lifeless. What was so frustrating was that I was so upset and confused about what was going on. I tried so many different avenues for help but no one had any answers. I asked my GP if he'd ever heard of personality changes after heart surgery. he said he'd never heard of it and dismissed me as being overly emotional. none of the so-called 'experts' could tell me what was going on, and some of them treated me like i was just nuts. Like you, my husband did a 360, from being 
madly in love with me to wanting me out, gone. It's a very long story, but that's been almost 20 years ago and my life has been a confusing absolute hell since then. My best friend is gone, this is a person I don't know. He just doesn't act like he's all there anymore, and its heartbreaking that he doesn't remember how wonderful things used to be. His surgery absolutely ruined and devastated my life.

kenkeith · Answer

It appears your husband is depressed and of course that would change one's personality.  And the vagaries of middle age to old age would also have an influence. It is typical to be indecisive, irrational goals, fear of missing out on something that is vague and not clearly defined during a mid-life crisis...serious heart event can add  anxiety to that feeling. I beleive if you googled mid-life crisis for men you may find a pattern that you can identify with your husband.  Give it some time, and I am sure your husband will return to his senses...may need some time to adjust rationally to his present state and come to his senses.

I wish I could be of more help, but it may just take some time, and in the meantime if your husband won't have counseling, go for yourself.

Thanks for sharing, and if you have any further questions or comments you are welcome to respond.  Take care,

Ken

ed34 · Answer

Yes personality can be affected, but it seems to be temporary in most people. Have they checked his meds to see if they are affecting him in any way? A heart procedure is a big shock to the body and the mind and affects people in different ways. I changed in that I now see life as too short and see life as a more precious thing. I see too many people arguing over trivial matters because they don't realise how meaningless they really are. 
If I was in your shoes, I think I would insist he sees a councellor, to try and sort his mind out and decide what he really wants. It sounds to me like he's very confused and this can be the result of a shock from the trauma he went through. 
On another issue, are they sure he didn't suffer any strokes during his surgery, even mild ones?