Sudden Death

[sood02491]

Hi:

Last Friday, my mother passed away. Her pacemaker was removed about 2 1/2 months ago due to infection.
Her Doctor at that time said that a new pacemaker will be put in after a month or so.
Recently, the doctor checked her and said she did not need one and to continue giving her heart medications.

On Thursday, she went shopping with friends and had a decent dinner around 8.30 P.M - around 9.30 P.M she came out of her bedroom to the kitchen to take her nightly medication. She looked just fine!

She always used to watched TV at night and just before switching it off or soon after she would take her dentures off.

In the morning, I found that her head was on the night table and looked as if she was about to fall out of bed.
There was foam coming out of her mouth and she felt very cold. After I wiped, some more foam came out.
Paramedics told us that she had no heart activity and that she had expired.

What I do not understand is why her head was on night table with legs still on bed. Her head was next to the TV Remote. The TV was off and she was not covered by her blanket. She never took her dentures off.
The way the blanket was, it appeared that either she was trying to go to bed or trying to get out.

What exactly happened? I am confused and just hope that she had a peaceful death.
Will appreciate comments from you all.

[sood02491]

Thanks to all of you for comforting words.

Yes, it is never easy when a loved one departs so very suddenly.

[kjohns10]

I am so sorry about  your mother.  My husbands mother is currently in and out of the hospital, she has heart problems and COPD.  On Easter she was taken to the hospital and my husband was the only one up there, I am so afraid for him, just the thought of him losing his mother scares me.  He has older brothers and sisters, but the age difference between all of them, makes it hard for them to communicate with him, sometimes.  He is the same age as his nieces and nephews.  On the other hand, I have heart rhythm problems and I too have been and out of the hospital.  I can sometimes see the wear and tear on him.  I'm just hoping that I have as much strength as you do to help him throught this.  I'm hoping there is someone you can reach out to.  My heart goes out to you for your loss.  Losing ones mother can never be easy.  I will pray for you.



With many hugs,
Karen

[Donna552]

Hello Susheel:

It's just so hard to lose one's Mom.......it's a different kind of relationship and love than other types.  It really helps knowing that she didn''t suffer. I am so sorry that you will be going through this alone when the relatives leave.  You really need to belong to a group who knows how you feel, where you all can share feelings and not be afraid to cry in front of each other.

I believe that it is much harder on the one left behind, because we miss them so much, and have the holidays, birthdays, etc. to remind us of times past. Don't beat yourself up about things that you wish you could change.  You can't, so try to think about good things.  Do keep happy pictures of her around and talk about her often.

Maybe you can get a relative to remove all of your mother's things from the room?  If not, shut the door for awhile until you have had some time to grieve. Do you have a family doctor that you can talk to?  Maybe he/she can offer advice.

I'll be praying for you, Susheel.  

Hugs,
Donna

[sood02491]

Hi Donna:

My first name is Susheel.  I do appreciate your thoughtfulness.

One by one my relatives have started to leave to carry on with their lives.

Soon my last relative will leave this Friday and I just can't stand to see my Mom's room without her. Her room is next to mine.

I know Mom's death will hit me hard when all my relatives leave.
I just wish I had time to say Goodbye to her - never happened.
I don't know what is better. Loved one just passing away suddenly or ????

Susheel

[sood02491]

We were told that her heart was just fine and did not need a pacemaker.

Her old pacemaker was removed due to infection and she was given antibiotics for a month or so.

Mom's Cardiologist moved to another hospital.

At first her 'New' Cardiologist said a new pacemaker will be put in a month or so.
Instead, he took her off heart medication and said she was fine and did not need a pacemaker.
To the very end, she was very active and had a sharp mind. Mom never needed address book to dial her friends/relatives and would often dial at night with light off in her room.
Susheel

[joeyk53]

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. If you don't mind me asking what was her heart condition?

[Donna552]

I wish I knew your first name as I want to put you on my prayer list.

It sounds like your Mom passed on suddenly, so I would put the worry about her suffering out of my mind.  I'm sure that she knew that you loved her a great deal or you wouldn't have been living together.

I hope that you will call churches in your area and find out if they are offering grief counseling.  Our family went through four deaths in a very short time, one being a 33 year old and his 13 year old son....murder/suicide.  Sudden death is devastating however it happens. If it wasn't for grief counseling, things would have been much worse and longer lasting.

Please do this for yourself and those around you.

Hugs........

[sood02491]

We had prayers for my Mom as per Hindu Rituals.
I still miss my Mom a lot and do hope that she passed away peacefully.

This site and other sites have let me express how I feel.

While death is inevitable, I do hope that everyone God will give courage and strength to all of us to cope with it.
It is so sad that we do have to loose our loved ones.
God Bless All.

[sood02491]

Thanks for putting my mind at ease and for your advice.

The sad part is that I loved my Mom so dearly and she lived with me but I never told her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her.

I used to tell her every night ( 7 days a week ) to lower the volume on her TV ( because my room was next to hers ) before I went to sleep - she used to watch TV until 10.30 P.M

That Thursday night, I DID not go to her room at all. Maybe her TV was off or on mute and I did not ask her to lower the volume - or may be she had passed away before I even went to bed. I just don't know.

I do hope that your Mom and Aunt are very happy in Heaven.

[nana12241956]

i live with this everyday of my life i have chest pains i have to take nitro. for the pain im 52 yrs old ive had this since i was 42 ive been through a lot stents, numerous of cathers, neck surgery for closed arteries, tri duple by pass, and everyday is a blessing i know god will do whaats best for me. i feel your pain im sorry u lost your mom.

[Encephalomalcia]

I hope you find some peace.  It is very hard, I know.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think what if, what if we would have done this instead, what if we would have done that instead.  All in all the result may have been the same.  We are not in control of what happens.  I think we learn to live with the loss of our loved one, but we truly do never get over it.  Hope you find some comfort.  Take care.

Deb

[sood02491]

Thanks for replying.

I have been thinking a lot and wondering what exactly happened to my Mom.
I do hope that whatever happened did happen suddenly and that she did not suffer at all.

Thanks again.

[Encephalomalcia]

Sounds like the electrical system of her heart failed and that her heart stopped.  This happened to my mom and her heart started again after she fell and hit her head requiring brain surgery to remove a hematoma on her brain.  My mom said that it was just like nothing.  She was feeding the cats downstairs and bent over and when she stood up, she went down.  She said there was no symptoms, no visual problems, nothing, she just went down and felt nothing.  I assume this is what happened to your mom.  She most likely was doing something and this happened suddenly.  I am sorry for your loss of your mom.  I just lost my mom last September.  She had heart surgery and suffered terribly afterwards when all her organs shutdown including her lungs.  I lost my aunt a week ago last Friday due to the doctors trying to put a stent in her heart, and her heart stopped suddenly.  I feel for you and am sorry this happened, but it appears that she did not suffer and it was sudden.  Take care.