We're sorry you're in so much pain, but really glad you reached out.
What kind of care are you getting? Can you get into pain management? Get your thyroid checked?
Are you getting your PTSD treated? Is there a VA near you that has any kind of support group, or counseling?
Also, having your gun with you is scary. Is there a friend or family member that can hold that for you? Even if you can only do it for your dog right now, that's good enough for now, while you get other things addressed.
If you are feeling suicidal, there are many places you can reach out to.
Phone Numbers: 1-800-SUICIDE
You can also text with someone. Text START to 741741 to talk to someone at Crisis Text Line - crisistextline.org
We also have a depression forum - https://www.medhelp.org/forums/show/57
Reach out to everyone and everywhere to get the help you need. We want you to be okay.