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419309 tn?1326506891

Depression: Coping vs. Feeling

I know that many in this community have struggled with their own depression, and would appreciate your thoughts and feedback.  A little background for those who may not know me, my husband has fought a long hard battle against hep c, cirrhosis, and HCC the last five years but is now End Stage and not eligible for transplant; he is trying some last-line chemo but things continue to decline. I've been coping the best I can, but with his prognosis, it's also natural for me to feel grief, sorrow, and naturally, that dreaded 'depression'.

Overall, at least in my mind, I'm coping fairly well... I'm functional, I'm managing to keep things afloat, and my husband is receiving excellent medical care.  I attend to my daily chores, I can be social, and civil, and even laugh at times, but of course there are days when I feel down.  I've lost some weight, and I'm not sleeping well (doesn't help that things are complicated by possible frozen shoulder), but I figure it sort of goes with the territory.  There are times when I just break down, but that's normal... right?

Recently when I met with my PCP, she encouraged me to consider ADs, and I have mixed feelings about it.  Of course I'm supposed to feel depressed somewhat, but does that mean I need medication to make me feel better?  No one around me seems to be telling me that I'm not coping well (the opposite in fact), so I'm inclined to brush off my doctor's quick offer to 'anti-depress' me.  Does depression always need chemical help? Isn't it okay that I feel depressed as long as I recognize it and am coping?
25 Responses
163305 tn?1333672171
Everything you are feeling is normal and understandable
I declined the offer of ADs from my doc, though maybe it would help me, I'm always concerned about taking another med and what side effects it may have.
And no, of course depression does not always need chemical help.

You need to get enough sleep and to eat well. You can not function at your best, without those things. Do whatever it takes.
These things are VERY important.

You have to take care of you.
Get a massage, find a way to relax.

Can someone help you out, give you a break, now and then?
Is there a hospice where you live? Maybe there is someone from hospice who can help you out or at least give you some advice.

Giant bear hugs,

223152 tn?1346981971
eureka, my heart goes out to you.  I have never taken ADs either and would be reluctant to do it.  I think you are going through the greiving process.  I would equate it with what I went through when my dad had Alzheimers.  The grieving for the man I knew took place for 3 years.  The death was anti-climatic as we had all grieved for so long.  I know you  are keeping face and doing your daily tasks but this has to be more difficult than anything you have ever gone through before.

I think I feel a lot like you.  I don't want ADs to take away what is real.  I guess it would be another story if it got so bad I could not get out of bed, but I don't think I will ever get there.  So no, in my opinion, you do not need meds to boost you.  Your experience is real and so are you.

I feel very close to you right now.  I am not a hugger but wish I was there to give you one -- or take you to Starbucks for a good cup of coffee.  I wish I could give you the massage coupon I just got for Christmas for your "frozen" shoulder. (I am hesitiant to get a massage on treatment as crusty and scaley and bruised as my poor body is right now).

Hospice has grief counselling for lots of things -- not just death.  There is a children's hospice here called Rays of Hope that sees children through death and even divorce of a parent.  Perhaps there is something like that in your town.


223152 tn?1346981971
OH - we are similar minded   Yes, eureka needs a little break.  I can see that too.  Both of you take good care of yourselves
901131 tn?1293748153
Eureka what your feeling is what you should be feeling. I can't even imagine what your going through. I agree with the others about taking ADs it sounds like your going through normal feelings of sadness. I do think your husband has been blessed to have you as a wife and without ever meeting you if I could give you a miracle I would. Stay strong.

1494170 tn?1361754460
Eureka,  Like the others have said your feelings are natural. I personally don't like the ad's but this is something you need to decide if it is right for you.
All I can say is you are doing and have been doing the very best anyone could in you and your husbands predicament.
Hospice should be able to offer you some kind of help in this situation.

Just want you to know you are in my prayers!

Cyber Hugs to you!
190885 tn?1333029491
this is sad...your doing a great job...and you've been able to help so many here...exercise is really important...cardio workout ...good luck with everything.....billy
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