Depression: Coping vs. Feeling

[eureka254]

I know that many in this community have struggled with their own depression, and would appreciate your thoughts and feedback.  A little background for those who may not know me, my husband has fought a long hard battle against hep c, cirrhosis, and HCC the last five years but is now End Stage and not eligible for transplant; he is trying some last-line chemo but things continue to decline. I've been coping the best I can, but with his prognosis, it's also natural for me to feel grief, sorrow, and naturally, that dreaded 'depression'.

Overall, at least in my mind, I'm coping fairly well... I'm functional, I'm managing to keep things afloat, and my husband is receiving excellent medical care.  I attend to my daily chores, I can be social, and civil, and even laugh at times, but of course there are days when I feel down.  I've lost some weight, and I'm not sleeping well (doesn't help that things are complicated by possible frozen shoulder), but I figure it sort of goes with the territory.  There are times when I just break down, but that's normal... right?

Recently when I met with my PCP, she encouraged me to consider ADs, and I have mixed feelings about it.  Of course I'm supposed to feel depressed somewhat, but does that mean I need medication to make me feel better?  No one around me seems to be telling me that I'm not coping well (the opposite in fact), so I'm inclined to brush off my doctor's quick offer to 'anti-depress' me.  Does depression always need chemical help? Isn't it okay that I feel depressed as long as I recognize it and am coping?

[JasmineT]

Hi eureka, there is nothing I can add to the caring helpful thoughts above.  But wanted to send you some hugs and support.

[Anne1717]

I am so sorry for your feelings and  as everyone  has said, it's natural and I would be worried about you if you didn't feel.  You and your husband have taken quite a beating.  My feeling about AD's - I have never taken them although I have been painfully sad in the past.  As a society I think we always think we nee to feel good and go to any lengths to make sure we or our loved ones feel no pain - physical or emotional.  Having said that, no one can or should tell you what you should do and if you feel AD's would get you over a hump, then there is no shame or harm in trying them.  I do have friends who used them temporarily through rough patches and found them helpful.  

My best to you and a big cyber hug.

[frijole]

There is lots of wisdom on this forum, and of course, one wise cracker - always one in every bunch of bananas - right can-do?  Come on down to Midland and I will give you a frozen shoulder!

[beeblessed]

Eureka ~ Sending you.....shoulders to lean on; hugs to console you; prayers to lift you; ears to listen; exhales.....

I have had people in my life die unexpectedly, suddenly, and a few -- slowly, painfully.  Never occurred to me to take ADs (until this tx), as I am a big believer in -- God gave us emotions for a reason, so no one is expected to be happy all the time.  I agree with Pooh, in that it is good you are able to continue getting out of bed each day.  Instead of ADs that may mask your feelings, do nothing at all, have adverse affects, or may actually help...... how about talking to a therapist?  I think, as much as you can find comfort from the words in this forum, seeing a therapist face to face will give you opportunity to break down and share your weight of emotions, so you can feel lighter, even if it's temporary.  It helps even in the gray-est (sp?) of cloudy days, to catch a glimpse of sunlight before the next storm passes through.

Based on what this online support group has given me during tx...an in person support group with people facing what you are facing....would give you even more and help you to not feel alone in this.  
Blessings, Bee

[Diane1186]

You are doing what needs to get done.  Don't forget your needs as well.  I am not going to repeat all the great suggest others made.  Just remember to love yourself, take time for yourself, and ask for help.    Hugs, Diane

[screaming48]

Eureka, sometimes people need a little help, especially if you are the main caregiver. My family went through that with my dad. None of us were on ad's. We coped with watching him accept that he would not reach 63 we spent our last Christmas with him and knew it was the last. He was 6ft1 and 200lbs before the cancer and tough as nails, retired military.

We managed it but two years later my mother started having anxiety and panic attacks, her Dr told her it was more than likely due to pushing everthing aside and not thinking about it. He put her on lexapro, she has done well with it and has faced the pain of loosing her husband of 41 years. Yes you are strong and people can tell you that, but how do you feel inside is what matters. I don't like ad's myself but sometimes people need a little help.

I was the one in the family who gave my dad his last dose of morphine, so he could go out peacefully. That was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

If you need some help Eureka that is up to you, ad's do have their uses at times. I will continue to keep you in my prayers, I think of you often.
I would suggest getting some help like hospice, my mother didnt and she about collapsed, they are there to help you out and give you a little time to yourself if only for 15 minutes, and don't feel guilty about not being with him 24 -7 because it will not do you any good and will just make you sick.
Anne