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Avatar universal

Drinking, depression post Treatment

Hi, I finished Treatment, at the end of Sept, it was incredibly difficult mentally as I am sure many on here can relate to, I had Genotype 1a and had a undetectable viral load at week 12, and right the way through until the end.
I am forty years old..so I should stand a pretty good chance of remaining clear.
Four weeks after treatment I remain very isolated, with disturbed moods, and pains in my hips and my feet, (planto fasciatus seems to have returned) I was treated very early on, just after having acute hepc, I didnt clear it naturally.
I have been agitated, paranoid, withdrawn and have been experiencing suicidal thoughts/obsessions, delusions of being persecuted and other strange stuff after finishing treatment ...I explained this to my nurse and he seems dismissive of it ...now that treatment is over.
Anyway I am a real low,I  have convinced myself I have not cleared it, I stupidly booked a flight on my own to Istanbul, just to get away...not speaking the language, really has only made the feeling of isolation worse, this probably was NOT the best time to go on holiday...but I thought I really needed a break the cycle of sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
I am here in this beautiful city not able to appreciate it , all i see is the rubbish and broken pavements, and become upset at the mistreatment of the animals here.....on Friday night went out and had three bottled beers, first in two years !! cant believe I did this! then the same again on saturday night drinking five beers ! and then half a bottle of wine last night. I have kept a wonderful diet...and really looked after myself.
I think I've REALLY screwed up, I just thought Sod it...I need some release..!  I know alcohol is not the answer, I feel so depressed that I've blown my chances of a SVR
I am getting a peverse comfort from starting a self destrutive process to ease the path to suicide...What on earth am I doing ? what is happening to me ?  I am taking the overnight train to a  country remote cottage I have rented...Sounds  idyllic ...but all I keep thinking about is ...its the best place to end my suffering.
I should have gone on antideppressants weeks ago ..but I refused ..I used to take Prosac, pior to treatment ,but I feared the horrible side effects ....I just cant face going back to work, my moodiness and negative attitude on treatment have almost wiped out my carear, my job involves a lot of people interaction ...I have become an outsider at work ...I have been blanking colleagues just because I feared the question ..how are you? all I did was complain , and I know that I had this mad look in my eyes, conversations were just awful ....after months of it  people have just fallen away.
Did anyone else experience anything  like this ? I feel so tortured and chemically altered I feel that Interferon has given me the equivilant of a brain injury ....I know this sounds depressing ..but my self esteem has hit rock bottom, so many people on here are so seriously ill, and I feel , like this message is a slap in the face to them...as they are probably thinking just get on with your life ....but I simply just cant seem to reassemble the mental pieces after this treatment. Has anyone experieced this ...I am I blaming Interferon/Riba for all the ills in my life ? I am trying to help myself by writing this ...but another part of me says ..dont post it ...I am so torn as what to do ...any suggestions ?
18 Responses
179856 tn?1333550962
Honestly, I think you'd be best off booking a doctors appt pronto. Unfortunately interferon plays havoc and can cause all the things that you are experiencing right now. I would have thought it would be out of your system by now however - whatever the reason it seems like talking to a doctor and perhaps a short term of an antidepressant might be in order.

You went through a lot recently mentally and physically.  People in general don't understand how difficult treatment can be.  Then, all the worry afterward" what if I relapse?" it's too much, it really can be for anybody.

Try to find someone you can discuss this with who has experience in these matters.  We are only patients and as much as we have all been through there are times we are not qualified to try to figure things out.

Good luck.

408795 tn?1324939275
If I were you I would get back on AD's, if you've had a hard time of getting off of them it really doesn't matter at this point as you are definitely going thru a very tough time.  I suggest you reach out to family and friends.  Even more important is to see a doctor today and be honest with the doctor.  Get some prozac or whatever it takes to get yourself out of that funk.  It's most obvious that you are in that deep hole of depression and that's understandable, but it's not acceptable to stay there.  If you have any prozacs left start taking them asap until you can see a professional.  This is truly one of the most disturbing stories I've ever read.  Also I would consider cancelling your visit to that cottage as that doesn't seem like a good place to be right now.  I stongly suggest that you pull yourself up by whatever means necessary as this is a terrible situation you find yourself in.  One last thing, alcohol is a depressant and will not help the depression at all and may make it worse.  Please do yourself a favor and get out of that funk fast!!  God Bless you  
212705 tn?1221624250
My heart goes out to you....
I do understand all the emotional garbage that goes with this tx...it is very real  Of course, you know alcohol is the last thing you need to be doing. So stop now...
if you are an alcoholic...I bet you could find AA in Istanbul...if you're not....Stop. It is not the answer....
I think you should come home and check yourself into a hospital. Give yourself a break, let someone take care of you.
We don't know if you have compromised your SVR...Do Not Even Go There.
Remind yourself that it is the drugs that is causing this...the whole tx. It is not you. Don't give up now.....
You can get through this...
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Please keep in touch....and please get the help you deserve.
Sincerely,
Yvonne
Avatar universal
I agree, you need to get help now! You know you should not be drinking, it won't fix anything, it won't takeaway the bad feelings. Also don't isolate yourself, because you are alone with your thoughts. You need to keep your mind busy, until you can get on ad's and pull yourself together. I've read that it's not uncommon to become depressed post tx. You have gone through so much, and you've come so far. It's been a very difficult experience for your mind and body, but life will return to normal. Hang in there, take care and and please stay in touch. I want to know you're ok
     S
619345 tn?1310345021
Find the tourist dept any taxi can take you there They will speak English and Get them to call an English Speaking  doctor or an Emergency Clinic that Tourists Can go to
f
Also I would assume you can get Prozac over the counter at a Pharmacy you may also do that but a doctor will help you  Isolation is a natural with Depression we drive everyone close away but not fair to them or your family Consuling may not be easy to find in Istanbul but a doctor will prescribe what you need to get you out of the funk and stay on Anti depressants until you do not need them anymore  I think the major mistake people make is when it is time to stop the Anti d's they do not follow the rule of weaning yourself off this can be tricky but possible
You have asked for help Now you have to help yourself  SUICIDE  is not an answer it is a decision that most regret the minute they do it  Isolation is not good either but this issue is difficult as when we drive everyone away it is most time not a voluntary issue it is part of the disease of depression you can treat it  Please Get Help  Get in a Taxi and Go to the American Consul or the Tourism office They will help you get a Good Doctor or Emergency Clinic It is all you can do better not to self medicate
80575 tn?1207135964
You're amongst friends here.

It sounds to me like you stand a pretty good chance of having cleared the virus...UND at Week 12 is considered Rapid Virological Response (RVR).  Is it the few beers and wine that makes you think you've blown your chances for SVR?  Don't continue down that path but also don't let that worry you about your chances for SVR.

You have reasons to be hopeful for SVR and get back to your life.

On my first tx the local-yocal doc didn't put me on anti-depressants and about three weeks into it I started feeling much like you described.  I made big issues out of minor things, fought with my wife and kids, paranoid, withdrawn....just losing it in general.  I was put on ADs at week 3, it took a couple of weeks for the ADs to kick-in and help.

Before being put on ADs, one day day I was so angry with my family because I didn't think they were supportive.  I went out in the garden in good clothes and proceeded to weed it by hand while yelling the whole time.  I weeded until exhaustion.

On my 2nd tx, my Doc put me on anti-depressants 3 weeks before starting tx and for almost two month after stopping tx.  Like you I don't much like the affects of ADs but they really helped me through my 2nd tx.

I worked a job during both treatments that required lots of people interaction and lots of business travel.  There were so many nights that  I'd close the hotel door at 10:00 PM.....after a plane flight, all-day customer meetings, customer drinks (which I sat there with a Coke or no alcohol beer), then customer dinners....I'd close the door and just thank God that the day was over and give me strength to do it again tomorrow.  I can relate to where you are right now.

Your nurse is ignorant.  You need to make an appointment (either through your present doc or on your own) with a psychiatrist, explain your situation, get on ADs for a couple months and probably be seen at regular appointments for awhile.

Istanbul is definitely on my to do list.  I've traveled the world and in many off-the-beaten path locations.  Every time I experience culture shock (especially if traveling alone) that I know is coming but just happens because things aren't like home.  An Interferon hang-over probably isn't a compliment to culture shock, language, travel, etc.  Is it possible to just bag your trip, get on the next plane home, be amongst family and friends and make the appointment with the psychiatrist?  You can always go back when you feel better.

Oh yeah, I do feel better.  I'm 50+ weeks post-treatment from my 2nd tx which was VX950.  I'm still UND, considered SVR and am living my life in a very normal and enjoyable way.  Things will get back to normal for you too.  

It looks bad right now through your eyes but things really aren't as bad as they feel inside to you.  It's the Interferon talking.  You are OK but need to go get help.

Keep in touch friend and let us know how we can help.  Send me an email if I can be of help.

SVR is worth it.  

miked
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