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Avatar universal

Just need to talk.....

Hey Guys, this post is a little different.  I've been here many times already to post other questions, but tonight I feel so overwhelmed.  In order to know what's ahead I keep coming back to this site to read the different experiences that you guys have while on tx.....but each time that I come here I always go to bed more terrified at night than the last.  Please don't be upset with me, because I know that when I start tx you guys are going to be the rock that I lean on to get me through.  Noone in my family knows that I am sick. (HIV/HCV) They love me with conditions...so telling them isn't an option right now. Please forgive me for breaking down on your site but I feel sometimes that I am just ready to let go. In a thankless world that seems to be coming apart at the seams, thank you for your wisdom, courage, and devotion to those who come here looking for hope...It's bed time for me again now.....so off I go.....besides tonight the tooth fairy owes me a nickel.

In Christ,
Rick White
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Avatar universal
Have you ever taken a look at this website...
http://hep-c-alert.org/index.htm

It's very helpful, especially the TV broadcasts (which you can d/l. There is one on biopsys which may help you right you now.
They are based in Broward County
Be strong, you are not alone.
enigma
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
FDB
Hi Rick, It's understandible that you are feeling scared, but you are not alone.  This is a wonderful place filled with informed and loving people who are here for support and guidance.

Have you also explored any hcv or coinfected groups in your area.  Here in south Florida we have the Dept of Health which hosts suppoort groups for hcv, hiv as well as coinfected support groups.

We will keep you in our heart and prayers as you make your way.

FDB
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
After reading your post it made me think of how lonely we all get living with our diseases, it really saddens me.  I think you need the biggest hug ever ((((huggggggggg))))).
Hope you had a good rest/sleep, and Im glad you found this forum, as I also have found comfort in it.  Remember that we are all individuals as well that experience all sorts and that you wont necessarily go through what the rest are.  Concentrate on your own health and happiness and do something every day that makes you feel good.

Linda
Helpful - 0
146021 tn?1237204887
One more thing Rick, you called this "your site", this is OUR site. Yours and mine and all the others who suffer from hepc- whether the disease has chose us to be the victim or someone we love.
We are all scared and are fighting this together. I just trust and pray and believe it'll be ok, whatever the outcome.
There is so much strength, hope and courage displayed here, but we're all scared and frightened of the unknown.
Peace be with you.
Helpful - 0
146021 tn?1237204887
Also (I just can't shut up) do you have a support group for the HIV? You really need someone to hold you up right now that's more tangible than us. I just keep worrying about you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
rick,
i am sorry, not that you have hep c or that you have hiv but that you feel you need ANYONE in your life that will judge you for that. tell all you meet what you have and if they all abandon you except one person feel grateful to be rid of the rest. you do not need anyone in your life that only loves you on conditions.

hep c tx can be a bugger but most handle it. one of the side effects of tx may be ridding yourself of pompous a**holes.
bobby
Helpful - 0
92903 tn?1309904711
Sorry for all you're carrying right now. I truly feel that the anxiety of wht treatment will bring is most often worse than the treatment. It's no fun - make no mistake - but we slog through it. Fear of the unknown can be a cruel thing.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
rick, i hope u can tell ur family soon. hiv takes abt 8 yrs to hit, so u can use this time to fight hcv. i know u will make it thru, u
r in my prayers.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
While sometimes it seems that all you read makes it sound so bad, I personally think it's not like that all the time. Don't forget that a lot of what you might see on boards like this is from people that are having a hard time of it (and that's why they're posting). There are lots of others out there that are getting through it and don't even know this site exists. I'm not saying it's easy, I didn't enjoy it, had some tough times for a while and was happy to find this site, but a funny word that is often mentioned here is "doable". And it is doable. For most it's not unbearable, it just takes a while. You'll get through it.
Regarding coinfection, sure it makes it a bit trickier, but I'm sure you're aware of all the research going into HIV. They're getting better all the time at managing it. When I found out I had HCV about 13 years ago and that there was then no cure, I decided that given enough time medical science would sort something out. And eventually they did. Interferon/riba, while it's not the best, is still something. I think HIV is going to go the same way, just hang in there. I'm not particularly religious, but I do want to say trust in God and your doctors and everything will work out fine. I think it's safe to say that there are a lot of people on this site that are on your side.
Best of luck, and don't let it get you down.
Helpful - 0
146021 tn?1237204887
Rick: Doing any better today? Did you get that nickel from the tooth fairy? Hope you've read all the posts and know we all want to help however we can.

Don: Another beautiful post. I want to be your agent when you start publishing. Seriously, I hope you're keeping a journal of all your experiences.
Maybe with the help of others here we can turn it into a book, and then a major motion picture, then a made for tv series!!

Of course after our cut a large portion will go to hepc c research.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
there are also boards and support groups specifically for dually diagnosed people. You are absolutely not alone.
Helpful - 0
161341 tn?1189755824
Just remember God's promise to you, Rick "I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." These words are for you, Rick. Lean on the One who is always there for you. I'm glad you've reached out here. You have a wealth of support and people who care for you unconditionally right here. I'm praying for you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Rick,
Take Comfort in your own words...
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Avatar universal
i talked to a friend of mine recently who has been fighting cancer for 4 years now. he has been on chemo and had operations that were really tough and kept up his will to live...he said he will keep on fighting as" he loves life". he is my inspiration. when i feel life has dealt me a bad card i think how he has endured his trials and i feel ashamed. surround yourself with people who love and care for you and do not spend a minute on anyone who is not willing to support and love you unconditionly. you do not need them. "thankless world" is a view not held by most.
bobby
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I hope you are feeling better today and you got some rest.
Hang in there. I also hope you can find some "real time" support group in your area so you aren't feeling so all alone.
Please check with your local hospital, they often keep a list of the support groups available for HIV+ patients, you might find there are others that are coinfected in your area you can look to for support.
Please keep coming back here and know you will find support.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i know how lonely life can be when you have this disease and in my case have none to blame for it but myself.family can sometimes be hard on you to.if you want to talk let me know and i will post to you my email address and my cell numberand you can call me anytime you want.slow
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm so sorry that you are going through this.  I hope you know that we are here for you whenever you need to break down - please don't ever feel bad. A LOT of us have done so on here.  Unfortunately the diseases are very misunderstood and sometimes it is the only way we can go.

I hope by some miracle your family comes around.  My family too loves me with conditions - I know what you mean. They have mostly been surprisingly very helpful to me during this but at the same time blame my stupidity for getting the disease. Don't they know I do too?

You sure don't have an easy road - if there is anything we can do please just say so.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey, my husband is co-infected and is doing really great. It was very scary at first, but years into it he is in such great shape.  Here are a couple of sites that have information for co-infected individuals.

www.thebody.org
www.aidsmeds.org
www.hivandhepatitis.com
www.aidsmap.com
www.poz.com

I hope this helps.

God Bless
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Everything brings us to where we are today, the good and the bad, right?
Don't be too hard on yourself.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I would pretty much repeat all what has been said above and below about tx, and its sx it
Helpful - 0
86075 tn?1238115091
hey, I know what you mean about being scared...I have nightmares about tx, that I'll have a heart attack while I'm walking up my stairs and my dog will have to go fetch one of my neighbors but they won't be home, so my dog will watch while I helplessly try to dial 911....that my guts will spill out of orifices, you know, fine family fare...then the old menopause has it's own rewards kicking everything into high gear...

But I guess we all just have to keep in mind that everyone's experience is different, and I try not to dramatize it too much, or at least try not to...which is hard for an old drama queen like myself...

You know, try to get some phone numbers of people if you can, first their emails, etc...it's good to talk to people already on tx...while they are yelling Bye! to one of their neighbors they just had coffee with, and they gotta go cause they are running out the door to go to the cleaners, etc...just normal things people do. It's reassuring to me that it seems that life just goes on for most people on tx, albeit with more difficulty ...they aren't all on their deathbeds waiting for ambulances, most of them seem to be just coping the best they can...best of luck to you in waiting ***@**** out and rent Ron Burgundy or some other funny movie, they help me!
Helpful - 0
163305 tn?1333668571
WHen I was first diagnosed I was so scared  reading about the tx, I went into denial for almost a year. Now I am looking at doing it. I see life as an adventure and a chance to learn. I am learning more and more about  myself and therefore about the world. This disease is but another avenue for my discovery. I never thought this would happen to me. That view only makes me look differently at life and other people. It helps me remove  my own judgements. I use things like meditating on the "good" things in life, (love, peace, serenity) to help me along.
    Having said all of that, it is easy to get depressed and it is important to recognise when you are and possibly to find ways to relieve the depression. Good luck.
Helpful - 0
146021 tn?1237204887
I am saying this to you because you so obviously are a Christian.
Corrie Ten Boom used to say "When the train goes through a tunnel and the world goes dark, do you jump out? Of course not. You sit still and trust the engineer to get you through..."
Be reminded that you are NOT alone.
My prayers are for you tonight.
Helpful - 0
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